It's very easy for one parent to judge another.
As some parents truly can't believe that other parents let their children eat certain foods, watch certain movies, or wear certain clothes.
However, as long as their child is safe, happy, and loved, then it's truly no concern of others how a parent might choose to raise their child.
Even so, some parents have a difficult, if not impossible, time keeping their parenting opinions to themselves.
Redditor LifeWasAWilloww was a bit surprised by a gift her daughter received from the mother of her close friend.
Even more surprising, however, was when the original poster (OP) learned that this gift was an underhanded comment on her parenting.
Shocked and offended by this fellow mother's actions, the OP felt she had no other choice but to forbid her daughter from visiting this friend's house again.
Fearing she may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow. Redditors:
"AITA for making my daughter take a break from going to her best friend's house because the mom purposely bought her a smaller size dress?"
The OP explained why she didn't feel comfortable allowing her daughter to visit her friend's house anymore:
"About two weeks ago my 14 year old daughter Bonnie was out shopping with her best friend Gigi and Gigi's mom Lauren."
"While they were out, Lauren bought them both dresses she thought were cute."
"Except she bought Bonnie a size 3."
"Bonnie said she picked out one that was her size, but Lauren put it back and said that the size 3 one would be her 'aspirational' dress to work towards fitting into."
"When she came home, she gave it to me and was upset but also didn't want to say anything bad about Gigi's mom, which I get."
"First off, Bonnie is a HEALTHY girl."
"Gymnastics until she was about 11 (and grew several inches), dance in the fall and track in the spring, all her choices."
"So she's got an athletic build. Gigi is a small girl, barely 5 feet, and so I thought at first she got them mixed up."
"She told me that Gigi's mom got it for her to aspire to try to get into by 'working hard'."
"I said I'd take care of it and get her the right size."
"The next day, I called Gigi's mom Lauren and asked her why she would do that."
"She explained that she thought it would give Bonnie something to work towards, because she heard Bonnie saying she didn't get asked out last year but Gigi had several boys after her and that it seemed like it upset her."
"I told her it was inappropriate and asked her why she would tell a kid she needed to lose weight in order to get attention from boys?"
"She got defensive and said that it was obviously embarrassing for Bonnie to not have boys into her when all her friends do."
"She basically said I'm holding Bonnie back from growing up—like I won't help her with boys, won't drop hundreds at Sephora, still dress her like a kid, and buy B&BW sprays instead of fancy perfumes."
"She said it's messing with Bonnie socially and that she's the only one in her friend group who hasn't had a boyfriend."
"Then she got personal and said just because I've 'given up' and stopped trying doesn't mean I have to turn Bonnie into a nun."
"FOR THE RECORD, this is partially true."
"But it's also because Bonnie doesn't WANT that stuff."
"I have offered to get her more than Cetaphil skincare and she doesn't want it."
"She got straight As last year and I took her to Ulta for a 'spree' and all she wanted was some lip gloss and then ASKED for the body spray instead."
"I said that it's time for a break."
"The girls can still hang out, but I don't want Bonnie at Gigi's house."
"Bonnie got upset over it and I can deal with that."
"Gigi's mom however has gone NUCLEAR over it, spreading poison everywhere she can about me being 'psycho' and doubling down on how it's all because I don't want my daughter to be happy with a boyfriend when I'm single and 'no man would touch me'."
"Which is just… childish."
"And I've been shocked to see how other people have reacted to this, so now I'm questioning my own parenting which I NEVER do."
"AITA!?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in. this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly supported the OP, and agreed she was not the a**hole for refusing to let Bonnie pay any further visits to Gigi and Lauren's house
Everyone agreed that the OP was only protecting her daughter from Lauren's manipulative and irresponsible behavior, with others expressing grave concern for Gigi's safety and well-being:
"NTA."
"'I told her it was inappropriate and asked her why she would tell a kid she needed to lose weight in order to get attention from boys?'"
"Exactly that."
"Egregious behavior."
"She shouldn't be saying anything about your daughter's weight or appearance."
"'Gigi's mom however has gone NUCLEAR over it, spreading poison everywhere she can about me being psycho" and doubling down on how it's all because I don't want my daughter to be happy with a boyfriend when I'm single and "no man would touch me'."
"Please do not allow someone as toxic & vicious as this to cause you to doubt your parenting or yourself."
"It's reasonable to let the girls hang out and equally so not to have your daughter go to this woman's house."
"No way should that happen."- Apart-Ad-6518
"NTA."
"Gigi's mom is toxic."
"This is not someone you want your daughter exposed to or associating with."
"She's 14, she is still a kid."
"It is not 'messing with her socially' to treat her in an age-appropriate way."
"Gigi's Mom's implication that your daughter needs to lose weight is also beyond unacceptable."
"Her own kid is probably on her way to an eating disorder, you don't want your daughter in that boat."- CuriousEmphasis7698
"NTA."
"That was wildly inappropriate to get the wrong-sized dress and basically imply there was something wrong with Bonnie's body size."
"Poor Gigi."
"If Bonnie only had to deal with this one day, I can only imagine what Gigi has to go through!"
"I hope Bonnie is doing ok!"- Malibu_Cola
"NTA, but Gigi's mom is."
"She should NEVER comment on a young girls body like that."
"First off, it's none of her business."
"Your daughter is 14. She doesn't need to be worried about boys right now."
"She's a KID."
"There's no rush for her to grow up."
"You did the right thing by keeping her away from Gigi's mom."- Easton_HJE
"NTA."
"Good f*cking lord it is absolutely wild to me that an adult woman would teach a 14 year old girl that she has to sculpt her body for male attention."
"Absolutely apesh*t, it's the 2020s not the 1920s."
"And I mean sh*t, even if it was the 1920's she's fourteen."- CapoExplains
"NTA."
"That woman can give your daughter a life-long complex about her body and its shape."
'When my 41-year-old daughter was 8, her best friend's mother told her that 'no boy wants to be with a girl who looks like you'."
"'You should lose some weight and wear fancier clothes'."
"Her best friend was super-skinny, and my daughter wasn't."
"We were living on a single income, and money was tight."
"My kids never wore designer or expensive clothing."
"So, my daughter started dieting - in secret."
"She discovered bulimia, all by herself, and would throw up at night so I wouldn't hear it."
"Even now, she's always super-worried about her body shape and size, and still struggles with bulimia."
"Her friend also wore make-up (her mother taught her how to put it on) at EIGHT, and my daughter was furious with me when I told her that she could wear lip gloss, but that was it."
"One friend. One adult who saw her regularly."
"ONE comment at age 8, and a life-long issue with her body."
"Don't downplay this, Mom."
"Talk to her about society's pressure to conform, and encourage her to do what makes HER happy, not some future boyfriend."- STEM_Educator
"NTA."
"Lauren seems like she was a bully to other girls in high school."
"And now she forces these things on her daughter (and yours) because she knows she would have bullied them for those types of things back when she was a teen."
"Her reaction alone proves that you were right to stop letting Bonnie go over there in the first place."
"The appropriate response from a mature adult would have been 'I'm sorry for overstepping, I respect that this is how you want to raise/teach your daughter and I won't interfere with that'."- anbaric26
If there's one thing that Lauren clearly couldn't be more wrong about, it's that Bonnie's happiness is. clearly the OP's priority.
What's quite disturbing is that Lauren seems to measure a woman's happiness by how men perceive her. A very worrisome opinion to carry, in this age especially.
While all children must grow up eventually, they have every right to enjoy their childhood as long as they want to. Something Gigi looks like she will be sadly and unfairly deprived of.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.