Spending time with the in-laws is part of the deal when you get married, especially if you have children.
Whether they come over for a visit or you go to them, most in-laws have the best intentions and just want some quality time.
A stay-at-home-mom with three kids is struggling with a dilemma after her husband stated his recent plans for the family.
After causing drama, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked strangers online to provide judgment on the matter.
There, Redditor Twinmom1007 asked:
“AITA: my husband is mad I don’t want to spend 2 weeks at his family’s house?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I’m a SAHM (stay at home mother) to 3 under 3, my husband works hard and deserves to checkout.”
“Hunting season is here and he wants us to go to his dad’s house 1.5 hours away for two weeks, where he will be hunting most days, leaving me and the kids with his parents.”
“I love his family but after 3 days, there’s nothing left to talk about and it starts getting awkward.”
The OP continued:
“My twins go to play school Tuesdays and Thursdays and they really enjoy it. I’m planning on taking the kids for the weekend but coming back Sunday night.”
“He’s mad that I don’t want to stay the whole time. I don’t like spending the night anywhere, even hotels. I want to be in my own bed where I’m comfortable.”
“I want to stay at my own house where my kids are on a routine and I have privacy, I snore really loud and it’s embarrassing.”
“We also have pets and my sister will have to come over twice a day to let our dog out while we’re gone.”
“He just doesn’t get that it’s easier for me to be home with the kids than there, even though there are more people to help with them there. So…AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“Ugh, people who are not in the trenches with day-to-day child care for little ones do not get what a huge ask this is. Even if you adore the people you are staying with, you don’t have what you need and it makes everything harder.”
“Kids that age thrive on routine and it’s going to be disrupted, so they are going to get whiny and clingy. And of course if you and the inlaws aren’t completely in sync, it’s even worse.”
“You’re being generous by supporting him being gone for two weeks, and by hauling everyone around for a weekend visit. Hope you get to check out occasionally as well, but definitely NTA for declining this request.” – EsmeWeatherwax7a
“I refer to these types of trips as Relocated Parenting.”
“Spending extended periods of time away from home with little kids is usually not fun. It’s not a vacation or a holiday. It’s more work. A lot more work. Especially if you’re doing it solo.”
“How helpful are the in-laws? Will they be hands on? Is their house kid-proof? Or will OP be running around trying to prevent her kids from breaking the crystal bowl that’s on the knee-high coffee table? Or eating all the hard candy sitting in it? Will the tv always be on? Will the shows be appropriate?”
“Are there enough toys or books to keep them entertained, or will OP have to haul bucketloads with them? Is there room to accommodate that many napping kids? Will the kids eat all the food the in-laws usually have, or will OP need to bring that, too?”
“Will it be two weeks of being spoiled by grandma and grandpa, followed by four weeks of getting the kids back into their schedule and used to not getting bowls of chocolate chips for snack?”
“I wonder if OP’s husband has thought of any of this.”
“NTA.” – GrnHrtBrwnThmb
“On a post like this one, someone commented, ‘Traveling with kids is a work trip and not a vacation.’ No matter how helpful the relatives are, OP is still the one with the primary responsibility for the kids, plus interacting with the relatives, plus trying to keep things organized in an unfamiliar place.”
“My kids are all adults now, and I still have bad dreams about trying to pack up everything for a trip. Not awesome.” – Clean-Patient-8809
“NTA. My husband WFH and regularly tries to convince me that we can totally just pack up our 3 kids and go live in some mountain airbnb for a month. I’m the spoilsport. No, I’m the one that has to take care of 3 bored kids in a house that isn’t ours, in a place we don’t know, without most of our stuff or any of our support system.”
“No babysitters, no friends or playmates, me feeling like I need permission to just walk away for a minute bc he spends all day at work. Newsflash! I am at work 24 hours a day no matter where we are!”
“Go for the weekend, OP. You’re already being very generous handling things solo for the rest of those two weeks. When my kids were that little and hubs traveled, I might not’ve spoken out loud to another adult the whole time he’s gone – or the poor cashiers at the grocery store would get a very intense me for a few minutes. I hope you get a chance to reset sometimes, too.” – Vivid-Imagination-13
“I love my family but after 4-5 days, I’m ready to go home. It’s easier now that the kids are older but in the trenches when they’re small, you’re sleep deprived and it’s just chaos – no place like home.”
“Husband can do his trip. The in laws can visit for a day or 2.”
“OP, he’s unaware of how much work you do with 3 kids. Disrupting their routines benefits no one.” – PrincessCG
“All of this. OP, would your husband spend two weeks taking care of the kids with your parents while YOU’RE gone? Probably not. Tell him you’ll visit your parents, where you’ll be gone at the spa with your sister all day, every day, and he can take care of the kids for two weeks with your parents. I’m sure he’d have A BLAST.” – crystallz2000
“NTA.”
“It’s only 1.5 hrs away, not too far and would be an easy trip for me and worth it to sleep in my own bed.”
“Your hubby doesn’t have a clue.”
“Go with your plan!”
“I love my sister and her family but I really feel like I might be putting them out. IDK why I feel like that. But after 3-4 days, max, I wanna go back home, 6.5 hrs with no stops. I absolutely cannot fathom staying 2 weeks. Gees, we all would be so bored.” – ImaginaryPark6311
“100% ‘3 under 3’ that means back to back pregnancies. And this dude wants her to stay with his family for what? To put her in a more awkward situation in a place his literal pack of toddlers won’t know, may not be baby proofed and she has to take care of it all…for 2 weeks!”
“I’m an adult with my own family, and I don’t even get two weeks of vacation. Sounds like she’s been…what’s the nice word for brainwashed…into this situation.” – Nikosma
“NTA. Explain to husband that he is free to go hunting and to decide what he is doing but he does not get to decide what you will do. You have 3 children that he will not be taking care of while he is hunting.”
“Since you will be the person responsible for the children, you will decide where the best place to do so will be. You are not preventing, arguing or hindering him from doing what he wants and you expect the same respect from him. You will the person to decide how long you will stay at his parents and it’s not his decision to make.” – squirrelsareevil2479
“Exactly this. NTA and the OP is being perfectly reasonable. Heck, if the grandparents are capable and want the kids for that full time that is totally ok too.”
“The husband absolutely does not get to demand that the OP must stay with his parents and provide the primary child care at the same time. That part is for the OP to decide.” – Superb_Grapefruit854
“100% this. Definitely NTA. Your husband needs to respect you on this. I’m sure this is about wanting his parents to spend time w/ your kids. I get it. But not like this – not where you can’t really be comfortable, where the kids don’t really have all their stuff, etc.”
“And really- if they love school, I think taking them out for something HE wants is really, REALLY selfish.” – Fresh_Caramel8148
Overall, Redditors thought the OP’s refusal to go along with the husband’s plan was warranted.
They also thought the husband was only thinking of himself and not considering or even realizing how stressful it would be for the OP and their tiny tots to be away from home for that long.