Flowers for major events can cost an arm and a leg.
So that's why so many people have gotten creative.
Event planners and party throwers have turned to fake flowers or repurposing.
However, these options don't always sit well with everyone.
Redditor Ok_Magazine_5564 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for giving the flowers I made for my son's and DIL's wedding to my own daughter's baby shower?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I will be as clear as possible."
"My son and D[aughter]-I[n]-L[aw]'s wedding is at the end of June."
"Originally they were tight on money and were upset over the price of flowers."
"It wasn't in their budget and they had a very specific image."
"I looked at prices for what they wanted, and it was out of my own budget."
"I instead offered to do what they wanted with fake flowers."
"They agreed and sent over images for me to use."
"I have spent over 500 buying all the stuff and my own time."
"They turned out great, in my opinion."
"I got a call about two weeks ago that they won't need them anymore and that they have the money to have real flowers."
"That they already booked it."
"So, in short, all my time was for nothing."
"My daughter was over and commented on how cute the flowers were."
"She asked if I could make her some for her baby shower."
"I explained what happened and told her she could have them."
"Her baby shower was over the weekend, and she used the flowers on the tables."
"It was a nice event."
"After my son and DIL came up to me and we got into an argument."
"They think I am a jerk for using their flowers for someone else's event, and now everyone will think they copied my daughter for their wedding."
"My point was I can give them away to whoever and I don't think it is a big deal since they were used."
"That instead of me throwing them out, someone got to use them."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Bride: Even though I'm not using your fake flowers, they were based on something I thought about when I was four and now you can't use them for anything else."
"Even though I'm not going to use them."
"They must be for me ever because I'm the only one who has this design and if you let someone else see it then they won't think it's my original design."
"Rest of the world: You don't own flower designs."
"You did nothing wrong, and I'm pretty sure they didn't send you a payment for your time, labor, and effort in making all those centerpieces. Centerpieces."
"He uses them."
"You had a nice time and the couple was completely wrong. NTA." ~ Even_Enthusiasm7223
"I'd rather have the fake flowers myself as I'm sentimental and would want to keep a centerpiece and maybe give away the rest."
"Plus if someone took the time to do that for me, I'd be so honored I'd never think to change them out. NTA." ~ cerrylovesbooks
"Was about to say, they sent op images of what they wanted, so they already took someone else's flowers."
"With all that personal time and money, you can do what you want with them since they are YOUR flowers. NTA." ~ isthatsoreddit
"Very rich of them to call them 'their flowers' when not one cent was paid to reimburse Mom for her wasted efforts."
"Also, who the hell is even going to notice they're the 'same' flowers at a wedding taking place weeks later?"
"Who the hell do they think would even care enough to compare?"
"How absurd. NTA." ~ Fleurtheleast
"I will tell you who."
"The 12 people that were at both events."
"The same 12 that liked them at the shower. Gawd."
"Who Gives AF. NTA OP." ~ Proper-Green1150
"So they were happy for you to spend your own money and who knows how much time finding the supplies and making the flowers for them but are upset that you didn't simply throw them out after and your hard work and money went towards something?"
"NTA but you raised an ungrateful son and he's marrying an ungrateful woman." ~ MrChaddious
"Some of our silk flower arrangements are about 30 years old."
"Don't throw them away!"
"When the dust won't knock off anymore I give them a shower, and they look almost new. If you do this, turn the arrangement sideways and just do the flowers, so that you don't fill the container with water."
"The shower should be adjusted to 'rain,' and a handheld shower works the best."
"Faux trees can be hosed outdoors in the summertime."
"About the only silk flowers I've had to toss were victims of cats."
"I did save some individual silk flowers from those arrangements, though, that apparently weren't so tasty. NTA, OP." ~ Swedishpunsch
"NTA. If they'd paid for all the stuff and for your time and labor, then I might feel differently over you giving them away to someone else."
"Paying you would have made them 'their' flowers."
"But even then, they would have been wasted if just thrown away."
"So it would make sense for someone else to get enjoyment from them."
"But they didn't pay you, so they were 'your' flowers to do as you please."
"It would have been an absolute waste to just bin them."
"It's nice that your daughter got to use them and they didn't get binned or sit gathering dust."
"Your son and DIL do not own flower arrangement designs."
"They can kick up a fuss about looking like they copied your daughter's design all they want, but nobody owns flower designs." ~ JaneDoe_83
"Even if they worked closely with OP to develop the design of the flower arrangements and then used that specific design as the instructions for their florist, they'd still be AH for not at least offering to reimburse OP for the expense of the flowers."
"As it is, they dropped her like a hot potato when the money came in for real flowers."
"The only similarity is likely to be the color choices, but flowers come in flower colors, and duplications of color schemes are common." ~ FiberKitty
"NTA. The fun thing about such situations is - if those entitled rude people wouldn't insult and make a big deal out of it literally nobody would even notice as those events are not about flowers."
"You might spot some familiar shapes here and there in pictures, but nobody sane gives a crap about that." ~ forgeris
"NTA. They were not 'their' flowers."
"They were your flowers which you spent time, money, and energy on - and poured love into."
"The fact that this labor of love wasn't wasted should be celebrated, not criticized."
"You're going to be an amazing grandparent!" ~ cinekat
"They owe you 500 bucks."
"And an apology."
"They didn't provide either."
"So make sure to post tons of pictures of the fake flowers and the baby shower, and make sure to mention that you arranged and designed them as many times as possible. NTA." ~ Ok_Stable7501
"Presuming the flowers were of a very specific unique design, I can see how the couple could be upset that the design was used prior to their wedding."
"I can also understand that they might be concerned that any mutual guests between the shower and the wedding might think they copied the design for the wedding."
"That being said..."
"1- You offered a huge favor to them by not only buying the supplies but also investing significant time in creating the centerpieces."
"2- They made it very clear that rather than use what you created, they preferred to go with real flowers."
"3- Someone else saw your work, loved it, and wanted to use it."
"They could have graciously accepted your gift, but they decided not to."
"So they have no say in what you do with it. NTA." ~ baloo1970
"In all of the weddings and baby showers I have gone to, I honestly can say I have never remembered what the flowers looked like after I left the event space."
"I do remember if the food was good. NAH." ~ Right_Weather_8916
"NTA - they didn't want the flowers anymore."
"They have no right to say what you do with them now."
"In fact given that they wasted your time and money they really should take several seats." ~ jrm1102
"Your son and DIL allowed you to spend your time and money to help them out and then they decided that they didn't want your help."
"I'll assume they didn't try to compensate you for either your time or your money, so the flowers were yours to give away."
"They are being very entitled."
"So glad the beautiful flowers got used instead of wasted!"
"Your son and DIL should have been happy as well. NTA." ~ Quick-Possession-245
"NTA, they are not 'their' flowers."
"You spent the money and time on something that was going to be a gift."
"They decided they didn't want it after the gift had been made."
"They do not get to come out screaming because you used the things you made (that they did not want) in whatever way you liked."
"Whether it was giving them to someone else, selling them, or even setting them up to be targets for paintball practice, it was your call." ~ notiddymothbirlfrend
"NTA. I can't get over the nerve."
"You were kind enough to step in and spend that much money, not to mention your time and effort, only to be treated like that. Ugh." ~ taliawut
"NTA - What were you supposed to do? Throw them away?"
"At least they got used to something." ~ puntacana24
"Hard to argue otherwise. NTA." ~ rjtnrva
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Your time and money were spent on these flowers.
It's nice that it didn't all go to waste.
Hopefully, your son and future DIL will come around.
Good luck.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.