A 20-year-old Redditor who has worked with babies since the age of 15 recently got into an argument with a friend who gave birth two months ago.
When the friend posted a picture of her newborn, the accompanying comment rubbed the Original Poster (OP) the wrong way.
When she confronted her about it, drama ensued.
The OP visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for ‘mom shaming’ my friend?”
The OP explained:
“This happened last night and I’m still pretty pissed about it. For reference, I’ve been working with babies since I was 15 and I have my associate’s in child development.”
“So my friend (Female, 19) just had a baby two months ago. She posted all over her snapchat story when he was born that she’s so glad he’s alive, etc., because he was premature..when he was born at 39 weeks.”
“39 weeks is not premature in the slightest. I didn’t say anything to her about that because I figured she just didn’t know, you know?”
“I was a preemie baby and I was born at 25 weeks, so I was kinda weirded out by her gloating about her son being a preemie when I’ve had a lifetime of complications because of it.”
“Anyway, last night she posted a photo of her baby sleeping on the monitor with blankets and stuffed animals in his crib with the caption: ‘I swear this child doesn’t believe in SIDS.’”
“This pissed me the f’k off. I slid up on her story and told her that she’s not practicing safe sleep AT ALL and that she should have nothing in the crib besides baby.”
“I even recommended to her that she should get a sleep sack for him. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a wearable blanket to help keep babies warm when they sleep.”
“She immediately got defensive and told me I was mom shaming her, and that I have no idea what I’m talking about because I don’t have kids.”
“I kindly reminded her that I’ve been working in childcare since I was 15, mostly working with babies and I’ve literally been TRAINED on safe sleep practices and SIDS and I have a degree in child development too.”
“She responded by telling me that when she was discharged from the hospital the nurses told her to have blankets on him. I was like what the f’k?”
“She then sends me a picture of her son SWADDLED in a blanket and said that it was specific for preemie babies to have blankets like that.”
“I told her that that’s called swaddling, not having a loose blanket on her baby. I told her that she can even go get a swaddle if she doesn’t want to swaddle him with a blanket.”
“She got really mad at me and went off, telling me once again that I have no idea what I’m talking about because I don’t have kids and I’ve never been around a preemie before.”
“I went off on her and told her that I was a preemie baby who was in the NICU for months after I was born and I’ve had lots of problems because of me being born prematurely, and that she has no idea what she’s talking about because her son wasn’t actually a premature baby.”
“I also told her that she knows that she’s risking her son’s life because of her caption… like, you obviously know the risk factors of SIDS yet you still practice unsafe sleep?”
“She told me that so was being a b*tch and implying that her son was going to die, even though I never said those words specifically.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors said the OP was not the a**hole in the situation, and they thought the friend seriously missed the mark with her sense of humor.
“NTA. Who TF thinks it’s okay to ‘joke’ about SIDS?!?! I was all set to say otherwise because mom shaming sucks but you weren’t mom shaming her, you were rightfully telling her that she is being ridiculously unsafe.”
“Fwiw SIDS and suffocation are 2 different things (which she clearly doesn’t know).” – czekyoulater
“Exactly. It’s so insensitive. Plus, her baby is only 2 months old–SIDS is a high risk up to a year.”
“It’s stupid and gross to joke about (and I have a pretty dark sense of humour–this is not humour).” – czekyoulater
“NTA.”
‘her baby sleeping on the monitor with blankets and stuffed animals in his crib with the caption: “I swear this child doesn’t believe in SIDS.”’
“What the f’k?”
“You tried, idk if you can reach this one. Prayers go out to the kid.” – [deleted]
“NTA – You’re not shaming her parenting style. You’re telling her that she’s putting her baby in danger.” – pineapplepizza_99
“NTA. She appears to be knowingly placing her child at risk of death. You did what any other person would (should) have done and pointed it out. She needs a reality check.”
“And why tf is she seemingly so proud of having a premature baby (which the baby definitely isn’t)?!” – Life_is_a_Brie
“NTA. Everything you told her is true. The only thing I can see is maybe your tone pissed her off somehow or she felt that you were acting like a know-it-all with a degree?”
“Plus her postpartum hormones are out of whack? Postpartum depression maybe playing a role in this? She should definitely take your advice and if she doesn’t believe you, I hope she asks her pediatrician asap.”
“So many times I have told my brother stuff and because I’m a woman, he brushes me off and tells me to stop telling him what to do. He finds out later that I was right but he acts like he thought of it himself. Ugh.”
“Let her cool off. The proverbial ball is in her court now. Don’t comment on her social media sites. It probably embarrassed her, too.” – LoveBeach8
Overall, Redditors agreed the OP was not guilty of “mom-shaming” her friend but was actually speaking out of concern for the newborn’s safety.