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Bride Called Out For Asking Adoptive Parents To Walk Her Down The Aisle Instead Of Bio Mom

A man walking a bride down the aisle.
recep-bg/Getty Images

Our true family is not always the family that we are born into.

Indeed, for multiple reasons, many people find themselves cutting off all ties from their parents and blood relations.

Instead, they find that other people, who were there for them in ways that their biological family never was, are their true family.

Even if their blood relations do eventually find their way back into their lives.

Redditor creativecloud19 was adopted into a loving family.

Despite being an almost entirely absent figure for most of the original poster (OP)’s life, her biological mother became an unexpected regular presence in her life.

Even so, the OP did not feel her mother was worthy of joining her in an upcoming milestone moment in her life.

A decision which did not sit well with the OP’s birth mother at all.

Wondering if she was being insensitive to her birth mother, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for telling my mom she will not be walking me down the aisle?”

The OP explained why she made a conscious decision to exclude her mother at her upcoming wedding:

“My boyfriend and I have finally taken the next step, and have begun talking and planning out our wedding.”

“We aren’t engaged yet but it is planned, we are just waiting due to money rn.”

“I have started gathering names to add to the guest list, as well as figuring out my bridal party and also my preferences and wishes.”

“This includes who will be walking me down the aisle.”

“I don’t want the traditional ‘father of the bride hands his daughter away’ but I want both my parents to walk me down the aside as they have done a lot for me.”

“Here’s the thing; I am adopted.”

“My biological mom did not raise me, nor did she contribute to any of my upbringing in any way.”

“She actually ignored me for most of her life and was not committed to attending any milestones (HS or college graduation, birthdays, etc.)”

“Recently, in the last 2 years she has become a pretty frequent person in my life.”

“We have resolved most differences, and moved forward.”

“She even lives with me currently.”

“I’ve made the decision she will be invited to the wedding, and will be with the family table at the reception, but she will not be walking me down the aisle.”

“I want my adoptive parents to do that since they raised me since I was 7 and actually have been present and supportive in my life.”

“I explained this to my biological mom and she flipped out, started crying, and became super guilt tripping.”

“AITA for this?”

Fellow Redditors Weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

The Reddit community firmly stood behind the OP’s decision, agreeing that she was not the a**hole for having her adoptive parents, and not her biological mother, walk her down the aisle.

Everyone agreed that the OP’s adoptive parents were her real parents, and thus earned the duty of being the ones who walk her down the aisle, and that her birth mother should feel lucky enough that the OP was even inviting her to the wedding:

“NTA.”

“You can choose who walks you down the aisle.”

“Your birth mother is lucky you are inviting her at all.”

“Make it clear that you want the parents who raised you to be the ones to walk you down the aisle.”

“If she isn’t okay with that or you think that she will make a fuss at the wedding then reconsider whether she should be invited or not.”

“On another note, something I find odd about your post is, you are planning to get married but are not officially engaged for financial reasons?”

“How does engagement relate to money?”

“Can’t you be engaged for a longish period whilst you save money?”

“Sounds like you are considering getting engaged but have not made the decision to commit.”

“Good luck with it all though.”- 83poolie

“NTA.”

“Your biological mom didn’t raise you, end of story.”

“You have parents.”

“Your situation might be a bit more complicated in that your biological mom does have a presence in your life, and you value her, but it’s relatively new and it doesn’t suddenly flip a switch and make your entire upbringing have not happened.”

“Honestly this expectation – and certainly her response – has me doubting she is a healthy presence in your life, especially to be living with you.”

“What would she expect your adoptive parents’ roles to be?”

“Start with a firm conversation with her in which you instruct her to stop complaining, whining, and guilt-tripping, because you don’t need to tolerate this from her.”

“She sounds manipulative AF.”

“Please tread carefully with what you allow her to do in your life. You’re giving her a lot of access for someone that you’ve only grown close to over the last few years, given the broader history.”- owls_and_cardinals

“NTA.”

“Your biological mother isn’t your mother; she didn’t raise you, and she didn’t attend your life milestone moments.”

“So it’s perfectly appropriate that you want to be walked down the aisle by the people who raised you.”

“What makes your bio-mother the AH is the fact that she is prepared to guilt trip you about this, that’s totally out of order.”

“The nuclear option to the guilt-tripping is to play the reverse uno card and do your own bit of guilt-tripping by fully explaining to her why you are doing what you are.”- OldGuto

“NTA.”

“She was absent from the vast majority of your life until 2 years ago.”

“Two years of contact does not erase her abandonment or all the work your adoptive parents did raising you.”

“She should honestly be understanding of your choice because it is a result of her actions and past choices.”

“You are being very kind just by allowing her to be there and sitting with your family at the family table during the wedding and reception.”

“If she is going to flip out and throw a tantrum like a petulant child over not walking you down the aisle, then I would strongly urge you to possibly reconsider her attendance on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life.”- PreferenceOld6364

“NTA.”

“As someone who was adopted, too, I get where you’re coming from.”

“What I’ve learned is there is a difference between biological mother/father and parents.”

“Your parents are the ones who WANTED and/or were able to take care of you and raise you as their child.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to share this milestone with the people who made you the person you are and brought you to this point.”- Your_Daddy_1972

“NTA.”

“She chose to give you up for adoption.”

“This may well have been the most loving thing that she could have done for you at the time, but it doesn’t give her any rights when it comes to planning your wedding.”

“Why is she living with you?”

“The guilt-tripping would be enough for me to kick her out.”

“Where will she live after the wedding?”

“It’s one thing to feel sorry for someone, but quite another to be their doormat because you feel sorry for them.”- No_Philosopher_1870

“NTA.”

“You want your parents, the people who raised you, to walk you down the aisle.”

“Not the egg donor who has become your friend.”

“One question, why is she living with you?”- Awkward-Bother1449

“Convenient that she reaches out and, within a couple of years, is now living with you.”

“Almost as if she had an agenda.”

“NTA.”

“But be careful young padawan.”- OkCry9458

“NTA.”

“Your wedding, your parents, your decision.”

“‘While you are a part of my life now, you did not raise me and do not hold a traditional “parental’ role in my life.”

“The people who did hold that role will have the honor of walking me down the aisle.”

“You can attend as a guest, but any disruptions on my wedding day will be handled swiftly and you will be removed from the venue’.”- IAmTAAlways

“Clearly there’s a reason your mom wasn’t able to raise you but your adoptive parents stepped up and committed all aspects of their life to giving you a safe place to grow up.”

“They’re your true parents.”

“Your mom is currently your roommate, but that doesn’t replace parenting.”

“Before you get engaged or married, I might suggest you go to counseling so you can learn how to set boundaries.”

“If you don’t, this has the potential to go wrong around every corner.”

“Please don’t let your mom dictate what your wedding will look like.”

“NTA.”

“Yet.”

“You will be if you don’t address the issues early on.”- izthatso

Not many people would have forgiven the OP’s birth mother the way she did.

Making her decision to guilt trip the OP all the more surprising.

One can only hope she will take a moment to stop and reflect upon her behavior and her history with the OP.

Otherwise, she might become an absent figure from the OP’s life once more…

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.