Giving away meaningful family gifts can cause quite a stir.
Some people have assumptions about what they’re entitled to.
But, in the end, nobody is entitled to anything.
Yet, that doesn’t stop certain people from dishing out gifts without thinking it through.
Then we wait for the inevitable fallout to begin.
Redditor 0924i wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to give back a family heirloom?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“A few years ago, my mom gave me a beautiful gold bracelet that originally belonged to my grandma.”
“It had been passed down to my mom, and my mom told me she wanted me to have it because I was the ‘responsible one’ (I’m the oldest of her children) and would appreciate it the most.”
‘I was honored and have worn it regularly since.”
“Now, my younger sister (22 F[emale]) is getting married, and my mom decided she wants the bracelet back so she can give it to my sister as a wedding gift.”
“I was shocked because, as far as I knew, it belonged to me now.”
“My mom keeps insisting that it was never meant to be ‘permanently’ mine—just in my possession until it was time to pass it on.”
“But she never said that before.”
“I refused to give it back, saying that if she wanted it to go to my sister, she shouldn’t have given it to me in the first place.”
“My sister is now upset because she thinks I’m being selfish and hoarding the bracelet out of spite.”
“Most of our family also thinks I’m bitter toward my sister because she’s getting married, and I’m unmarried, but that’s not the case at all.”
“I’m happy for her, I just want to keep the bracelet as it was given to me first.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. The same thing happened to me.”
“I gave the bracelet back but it hurt because I thought it was an act of goodwill when it was given to me because I was never close to my mom while she always seemed to have talks and moments for my other siblings.”
“I felt quite neglected throughout my childhood and teen years.”
“I figured if she didn’t want me to have it, then I didn’t want it.”
“It ruined the meaning it had for me.”
“Decades have passed, and I’m still a little hurt, but I’ve let it go for the most part.” ~ Money_System1026
“NTA, my grandma gave me a sari that was passed down through the family, then decided she wanted to give it to someone else, and I was shamed into giving it back.”
“My grandma then told everyone I stole it.”
“I would have given it back as soon as she asked, but she never did.”
“I stopped accepting gifts from her after that.” ~ Zafjaf
“NTA. She should have held on to it if she wanted your sister to have it.”
“I really hope you’re not living there, but in case you are, find somewhere out of the house to keep it.” ~ LadyHavoc97
“NTA. Once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient.”
“The giver has no rights to it.”
“I guess you’ll have to weigh the advantages and the disadvantages of keeping the bracelet.”
“If it were me, I’d probably keep the gift.”
“And if I still lived at home, I’d put it in a bank vault where no one else can steal it.”
“But that’s just me.”
“I tend to react that way.”
“‘Possession is 9/10 of the law’ as the adage goes.”
“Then I’d limit contact.” ~ LoveBeach8
“NTA. It was basically a gift, and you don’t take back gifts. It’s yours.”
“It has nothing to do with her getting married at all.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“It sounds like THEY are bitter that you have the bracelet.”
“But the only reason you have it is YOUR MOTHER GAVE IT TO YOU!!”
“Good luck, OP.”
“That bracelet is yours.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA – a gift is a gift so it became yours.”
“Don’t believe your mom that she said or meant anything different than it being an outright gift.”
“Whatever her motivation for wanting your sister to have it as a wedding gift now is your mom’s business but it can’t change the facts.”
“Don’t continue with any conversation that doesn’t acknowledge the bracelet as yours.”
“If they ever do acknowledge that it is yours, just say, I won’t be gifting her my bracelet, I will get her another gift.” ~ Two-Theories
“NTA. My mother gave me my grandmother’s diamond when I got married.”
“I had it made into my own ring.”
“4 years later, we got divorced.”
“One of the first things she said to me was don’t you dare sell that diamond.”
“That’s going to your brother when he gets married.”
“😳 I’m sorry, what?”
“I just kinda said I’m not selling the ring.”
“It’s still in my closet.” ~ Relative-Coach6711
“NTA. You were given the bracelet as a gift, not a loan.”
“It’s yours now.”
‘End of story.” ~ ClackamasLivesMatter
“NTA. Your sister is almost too young to be getting married.”
“Don’t give it back, but also you need to calmly tell your mother that her giving you an heirloom piece that means a lot to you, and then asking for it back shows you exactly how she feels about you.”
“And that she has permanently tarnished your relationship over a bracelet, ask her if a bracelet was worth a daughter’s respect.”
“Let her know you are keeping it because of your grandmother, but go low contact with your mom and sister.”
“Also, start asking them for things back that you know they have used up.” ~ Bibliophile_w_coffee
“NTA… if you want to make everyone happy though… go to a jeweler and have them make an exact replica.”
“My brothers and I are doing this for my grandmother’s rings.”
“She had 2 sets of wedding rings (4 rings total).”
‘All 4 were left to me.”
“But my mom is refusing to give them to me.”
“She passed 20ish years ago.”
“So I reached out to my brothers (3).”
“I told them we can take all 4 to the jeweler and have them replicate it so there are 4 sets… and each set will hold an original and a replica piece.”
“So each of us has them.” ~ CatchMeIfYouCan09
“NTA. My M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] did this to my wife recently with a pair of mittens that had been brought over from her grandmother’s hometown in another country.”
“It really hurt my wife, much more than she wanted to let on.”
“I took great pleasure in finding a much nicer pair handmade in that town and gifting them to my wife in front of her.”
“His cruelty ruined the sentiment she held for the mittens, so I showed her that she’ll never have the loving support system my wife has.”
“My wife’s delight wasn’t secondary, but watching my MIL sit there with her sour grapes was one of my favorite parts of Christmas this year.” ~ toujourspret
“NTA. Your mother gave it to you without any discussion of a ‘temporary’ hold.”
“If mom wanted it to go to the younger daughter or whoever would be getting married first she should have stored it in a safe or something.”
“It belongs to you, she passed it on to you.”
“Now it is your responsibility to pass it on when and to whom you choose.”
“A family heirloom stays within the family, and that is exactly where it currently is.”
“Mom can give a different piece of jewelry to the bride-to-be.” ~ AddressPowerful516
“NTA. You state that your mother gave it to you ‘a few years ago.'”
“She had a chance to correct the situation much earlier if she had only meant it as a temporary loan.”
‘She’s attempting to change the parameters of the gift now that she’s swept up in the role of being mother-of-the-bride. Nope.”
“It was a gift to you and it’s not your mother’s place to take the gift back to give to someone else.”
“That’s actually quite hurtful – to take a cherished item from you and give it to someone else.”
“Your mother can buy a new bracelet for your sister and start a new heirloom for her future family.”
“If you get married and/or have children, you can pass it down your line.”
“If you don’t have children, that’s not anyone’s business – the bracelet is yours to do as you wish.” ~ SDBadKitty
“NTA. Your sister was definitely pissed it was given to you and decided she wanted it, using your Mom as the messenger.”
“Stand your ground.”
“Your mom ought to be ashamed of encouraging that behavior.” ~ Bibliophilewitch
“Don’t give it back of course.”
“However, I would point out to your mother and your sister, that it’s perfectly appropriate for either one of them to buy a similar bracelet for it to be reminiscent of whomever the bracelet belongs to originally.”
“That’s the solution to getting crazy about the little tchotchke, or jewelry that goes to one person and not others.”
“Mother should check the possession she actually owns and determine what she wants to gift your sister.”
“And she should read this.” ~ mostly_lurking1040
“If your mother intended that bracelet for your sister, she should have either kept it for her for a few years or given it to her directly.”
“Giving it to you, because you’re ‘the responsible one’ and then requesting it back years later so she can give it to your (supposedly) irresponsible sister makes zero sense.”
“Is it possible that your mom is suffering from dementia?”
“And as someone else suggested, it sounds like your sister put a bug in Mom’s ear. NTA.” ~ mumtaz2004
“NTA. It’s hard for me to fathom what goes on in some people’s minds.”
“The audacity to ask for a gift back years later, and then act as if you’re in the wrong for not giving it back is just mind-boggling.”
“Your sister shouldn’t even want it at this point, she should be fearful that your mom would ask for it back at some point years from now.” ~ s**t_a**_mcfucknuts
“NTA, of course.”
“For entertainment purposes…”
“Have a cheap but convincing replica made and ‘accidentally’ leave it somewhere such that your mom might take advantage of the opportunity to repossess it without your consent.”
“It will get you off the hook with the extended family and give you leverage for future arguments.”
“It will also eventually get discovered to be a replica and that will cause a whole new bag of drama.” ~ Restil
“NTA. That bracelet belongs to you.”
“Put it in a safety deposit box or a safe for the time being to keep it secure.”
“It was not explicitly stated that the gift was conditional.”
“How tacky to ask for it back.” ~ pennywhistlesmoonpie
“F**k no. Keep the bracelet.”
“My mom did the same with me.”
“Straight up got nasty about my giving up an inheritance (in my case a blanket).”
“My mom decided it should go to my little sister after she was married.”
“The fight we had changed our dynamic.”
“I’m now married 27 years and my little sister has been divorced but her marriage was the important one.”
“Mom passed 6 years ago and I’m still salty about it, but I am still the steward of the family blanket.”
“The bracelet is yours. NTA.” ~ WhereRweGoingnow
“NTA – I feel you on this.”
“Mom gave me a necklace that was beautiful.”
“I was moving around through college, and she decided to hold onto it for me, so it wouldn’t get lost.”
“Next thing I know my Mom gave it to my sister for Christmas.”
“I couldn’t believe it, I was sitting there while she opened it.”
“I asked my mom later how she could do that, and she said ‘she needed it more.'” ~ GeekGirl711
“NTA- I wore a necklace of my grandmother’s at my wedding and kept it.”
“Her jewelry was always supposed to come to me but as she got older, cousins would ‘borrow’ items that never came back.”
“I knew if this necklace went back, I would never see it again.”
“I kept making excuses when cousins would ask about it.”
“It is basically the only thing I ended up with after my grandmother passed.” ~ indoorsysloth
“NTA. And keep that bracelet secure whenever you are not wearing it.”
“I guarantee that Mom or Sis or some other family member will be happy to grab it at the first opportunity and give it to your sister.”
“I mean, don’t even have it on your wrist while asleep if anyone else is around.”
“They’ll be watching for their chance.” ~ Ok-Swordfish2723
“NTA. Nope, no way.”
“If it is for your sister to wear on her wedding day and then return to you, no worries.”
“Go for it.”
“My husband is the family heirloom guardian for a pocket watch, but everyone who gets married gets to wear it at their wedding if they want.”
“But it is returned to him until the next male heir bearing his last name is of age.”
“To be honest, heirlooms usually go to the eldest unless there are extenuating circumstances/a special rule.”
“You already have the bracelet in your possession, don’t give it up.” ~ Effective-Mongoose57
“I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but your mother is a jerk.”
“NTA. Don’t give it back.” ~ Blue_Saturn_06
Reddit is in your corner OP.
This is on your Mom.
She gave you this gift.
She needs to take responsibility,
You’ve done nothing wrong.