Feeding your baby is natural.
Whether from a bottle or from your nipple is irrelevant.
So in the spirit of that irrelevance, let’s talk about something more important.
What happens when someone tries to shame you for being a parent?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Electric_Angels when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for being indecently exposed while feeding my baby?”
An exciting time.
“I (F28) recently had mine and my husband’s (M32) first child – a little boy who is now five months old. Our baby is amazing, and we are so in love with him.”
“After the birth, we only allowed our parents/siblings to see the baby so that we could have some time to settle into our new lives.”
“We didn’t want to be overrun with visitors, but decided to host a BBQ this weekend so some more extended family and friends could meet the baby.”
“It went really well, and everyone was so over the moon to see the little one. I would like to clarify, this wasn’t a huge gathering, maybe only 10 people.”
Kid’s gotta eat.
“At one point, I took the baby inside for his lunch.”
“I am nursing him at the moment, so I went to his nursery so we could have some privacy. As most people were in the backyard, I thought that this would be a quiet spot for the two of us.”
“Unbeknownst to me, my best friend’s (F27) husband (M29) needed the bathroom at some point and came into the house.”
An intrusive guest.
“I think he was having a bit of a snoop around because he ended up opening the door to the nursery where I was with the baby (which is nowhere near the bathroom) and inevitably found us.”
“He was quite shocked and fumbled his words a little bit before closing the door and leaving.”
“I was not very happy that this had happened because I had specifically gone looking for a quiet moment so the baby could eat, but it is what it is, and I thought it was over.”
“When I walked out of the house a little while later, I was surprised to see that my best friend and her husband had left.”
“My husband tells me that when best-friend’s-husband (BFH) came out of the house, he immediately reprimanded my husband for the fact that I was exposing myself and acting inappropriately in front of guests.”
“Of course, my husband was very confused by what was going on, but BFH basically just grabbed my friend and the two of them left, leaving everyone else quite stunned.”
The problem.
“A few hours after everyone had gone home, BFH started a group chat with me, my husband, and my best friend, and basically said that he could not believe how I had exposed myself to him today when I knew he was happily married.”
“And that I should have more shame.”
“He said that I was not setting a good example for my son, who would grow up as some kind of deviant because I am refusing to feed him in a ‘normal and healthy way’.”
“I am honestly quite upset about the whole thing, and no one has responded (my best friend has not even opened any of my other messages).”
“But I wonder if maybe I should have just gone with a bottle feed during the event so that this never would have happened. My husband thinks BFH has lost his mind.”
OP was left to wonder,
“But I wonder, was I the AH?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
People were… confused.
“NTA”
“HE walked in on YOU in a private moment with you and your son. If he saw you breastfeeding, it’s his own fault for wandering around the house and snooping.” ~ insomniatic-goblin
“Right—she could have fed the baby in the middle of the party and still not have been doing anything wrong.” ~ PopGenProf
“Of course, you’re not.”
“This man walked in on you while you were in a bedroom in your home.”
“He made up lies.”
“I would avoid being around him anymore, since I personally wouldn’t trust him. He was snooping too. What was he looking for?”
~ Busy_Background_448
“UHM he walked into the NURSERY in YOUR HOME, where you were feeding your child in literally the most NATURAL WAY POSSIBLE, and YOU need to have shame?”
“No.”
“He needs to be less invasive and not snoop through your home.”
“What the f*ck” ~ kodiofthemyscira
“Wtf did I just read. NTA.”
“That guys a total lunatic. Imagine opening the bathroom door on someone and then accusing them of flashing you.” ~ ConsciencePineapple
His actions were suspect.
“Exactly!!!”
“The fact that OP was behind a closed door in their own house just adds to the fact that they were not inappropriate.”
“This one is really making my blood boil because best friend’s husband must be up to some sh*t that’s not on the up and up.”
“I wonder what else BFH has been accused of doing, caught in the act doing, or what he was doing going room to room at the house. Or was he just trying to catch OP?”
“OP is NTA. BFH is a HUGE a**hole and is not to be trusted for anything!!” ~ UCgirl
“Exactly, he’s deflecting and projecting.”
“I hope OP has explained to everyone that she was nursing in the room literally named for it behind closed doors and that he walked in on her.”
“I can’t imagine why anyone would take his side if they knew that.” ~ Tachibana_13
“NTA.”
“But BFH is a very big one. You did nothing wrong. He went snooping.”
“Tell everyone he opened a door to perve on you and is likely a pervert or very screwed up mentally. And cancel him permanently.”
“He has shown who he is.” ~ jmelross
Our Community had stories.
“I TOTALLY agree he was ‘trying to catch her'”!
“Looking at the evidence:”
“There were maybe ten people there, and the purpose of that intimate gathering was to meet the baby.”
“Without doubt, there were some hunger signs displayed.”
“(The baby is 5 months old! There is a whole routine around feeding by now, which probably includes a dedicated chair or rocker in the nursery)”
“Or it was just ‘time to feed’; at which point mom almost assuredly announced to all the baby’s new fans, ‘Welp, I better go feed baby now’ so everyone else was left to socialize among themselves while she moved to a private setting.”
“Any ‘reasonable adult’ could deduce this, even without an announcement, and should have the common manners to knock on a closed door. 🤷”
“Anyone who genuinely ‘by accident’ saw her breastfeeding would have apologized in the moment and likely tried to keep the entire incident to themself out of sheer embarrassment!”
“As a woman myself, who also works in childcare, I often encounter moms breastfeeding their baby, and have only ever had two reactions:”
“Either I’m embarrassed because I know Mom wanted privacy and I accidentally ‘walked in on her'”
“(Happened last week with a mom who is home on maternity leave; I came in the front door to do my job as a nanny to the child and she was sitting on her living room sofa feeding the newborn baby, which she usually does in the nursery when I am there);”
“So I say ‘Oops, sorry!’ and don’t bring it up again.”
“Or I know she doesn’t feel the need to ‘cover’ for me, so I simply keep my eyes on her face or any other place than her breast (I’m not a lactation consultant; not my purview).”
“It’s really never been a problem. 🤷” ~ Bella_219
“My good friend breastfed her baby in the middle of a party.”
“It was filled with her friends and family, including kids.”
“No one was phased because feeding a baby is not an indecent or sexual act.”
“No one thought their husbands would stray or their children would be scarred because they saw a baby be fed in the most natural way they can be fed.”
“(No shade to bottle feeding, do what you and your baby need)” ~ Octopus1027
“So the big joke after my third kid was that I will feed that baby anywhere he wants to eat. In the middle of a party, at a meeting, in a restaurant….”
“When my first was a baby 15 years ago, I got a few looks and comments. With my baby now, literally no one cares. Not one single comment.” ~ Independent-Face-959
Intentionally violating someone’s privacy, like by snooping in their home, for example, is wrong.
Always.
Attempting to deflect that blame by trying to shame a mom for feeding her kid does not make a good argument. Case dismissed!