Birthing a child takes a demanding physical toll on a woman’s body.
And sometimes, the body is left with reminders of the experience.
A lot of women have scars and stretch marks from the experience.
It’s a natural part of life, but some people have an unnatural reaction to seeing them.
Redditor anon-ymousss wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for wearing a two-piece to my kid’s swimming lessons?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27 F[emale]) am a mother to quadruplets aged 2.”
This is their first year taking swimming lessons, and, at their age, the lessons require one-on-one with the child/adult as well as an instructor to teach.”
“So me, my husband, and two of my husband’s friends came along.”
“(Unfortunately, all four of the kids got booked for the same time).”
“They started the lessons on Monday and ended today (Friday).”
“At the lessons, all the other kids had their mothers/female guardians with them, and all of them wore shorts/shirt swimsuits.”
“My husband/his friends had trunks with no shirt, and I wore a two-piece. Nothing bad, everything was well covered, but obviously my stomach and back showed.”
“I didn’t think it was a big deal, and I honestly didn’t even notice what everyone wore until probably Wednesday.”
“And it was fine because everybody (including me) was modest.”
“However, they finished their lessons today.”
“When everyone was getting changed to leave, a few mothers came up to me.”
“They said they didn’t want to mention it earlier to make classes awkward, but they and a few other mothers were uncomfortable with how I was wearing a two-piece to the lessons all week.”
“They suggested if I do another class with my kids here, I cover up my stomach because nobody wants to see it because of the stretch marks from my pregnancy.”
“Which is a lot more than average because I had quadruplets”
“I asked if they had an issue with how my husband/his friends didn’t wear a shirt at all, and they said they didn’t care because they didn’t have the ‘baby belly’ like I did.
“Now I’m back home, and I can’t decide if they were being rude or just were honest.”
“They made sure to tell me it wasn’t about the modesty. It was just my stomach.”
“I never thought about it, so maybe it’s my fault for being careless and not thinking of everyone else.”
“My husband says I was fine, but all the mothers there apparently don’t think so.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA— of course, they were being rude.”
“Does everyone have an obligation to cover every body part that is different/damaged/unusual?”
“’We were really uncomfortable seeing your burn scars and your face, so wear a burka, balaclava, or stay home. Think of the children!’”
“’We know not everyone wears dark sunglasses or eye patches, but being blind, your eyes are kinda creepy looking and it bothers me. Thanks!’”
“’Yeah, being fat while taking your two-year-old swimming, it just makes me feel icky because I’m scared of becoming fat, and even if you wear a prison jumpsuit swimming, I can see your double chin and hand dimples and they’re icky, so please dispose of your body at your earliest convenience. Thanks!’”
“Their rudeness and entitlement is grosser than any stretch marks.”
“People have stuff happen to their bodies— that doesn’t obligate them to hide their bodies.”
“Edit— I just wanted to add, that sometimes feelings of discomfort are real— not stretch marks— but some people really do smell terrible despite taking normal precautions or can’t contain all their fluids or have had scary s**t happen that can be deduced from their injuries.”
“But it’s not like they left their good body at home so it wouldn’t get worn out and bring the ugly one and need reminders about the acceptable dress code.”
“When people have suffered, don’t be an AH and add to that suffering by also making them feel bad— the feeling of being uncomfortable by someone’s body belongs to the feeler, and they need to act responsibly with it.” ~ TeddingtonMerson
“I agree, this is exactly what’s going on here.”
“Not to be pathetic, but I am covered in shocking scars from being beaten often and badly as a child.”
“They also have the indecency to look fresh, maybe because of my gingerhood.”
“But besides being damn near allergic to the sun, I don’t go out without something covering my scars.”
“The ‘barest’ I’ll go is heavy tights.”
“I don’t want to be gasped at in this grocery store, on this Monday, while you literally clutch your pearls, lady.”
“And people will also look at my husband like he’s a monster.”
“Look at my child like they are considering snatching her from an abusive home.”
“And I have been ‘discreetly’ handed so many social worker/DV/shelter/cop/church cards I no longer automatically reach for them when someone holds a card out to me.”
“Now OP’s scars are obviously stretch marks, but I have those too.”
“And I know the ones she has because my body ripped apart at over 100 places over the last 3 days of my pregnancy due to pre-eclampsia edema that was the worst my Doctor had ever seen.”
“Those stretch marks are so deep you can see my tendons and musculature through them, and they hurt when touched.”
“Visible scars are a trip for some people.”
“They don’t act right, and suddenly they either want you to put on a TED talk about how I got these scars or a large trench coat.”
“No in between.”
“OP is NTA.”
“Those women need to figure their body dysmorphia out so they can raise their kids without somebody issues of their own.” ~ TheThiefEmpress
“OP should be proud of those stretch marks.”
“They’re evidence of bringing life into the world.”
“They’re evidence of strength.”
“They’re evidence of love.”
“So there are more of them, that just means she dealt with more than many/most of us do when pregnant and giving birth.”
“Quadruplets, I can’t even imagine it.”
“We all have the marks of living.”
“These other mothers being self-conscious of theirs (and probably jealous of OP’s confidence) is no reason for OP to not embrace hers.” ~ Wackadoodle-do
“There is no other way to view their comments than this.”
“I’d find every opportunity possible to show my stretch marks off to those women if I ever saw them again after that.”
“OP – defo NTA.”
“Those women need to go do some learning on how to be kinder to their own bodies and how not to project their feelings of poor self-esteem and teachings of society on how women’s bodies should be onto other people.”
“Best of luck with your babies and their swimming journey!”
“I can’t handle a 2 and 4-year-old in a pool let alone 4 the same age.” ~ DLP1194
“Thank you for saying this.”
“I have an enormous scar that crosses my butt, which is visible when I wear a regular swimsuit, so I’ve not worn one since I was a kid.”
“I shared a dressing room (for work, not at a store) with this terrible woman who, when she saw me changing, shouted across the room, ‘What the hell happened to you??’”
“Fortunately, everyone already hated her, and my colleagues jumped to my defense, which was kind of them, but DON’T F**KING COMMENT ON OTHER PEOPLE’S BODIES!!”
“Jesus. NTA. At all.” ~ susanreneewa
“Definitely entitled as hell, OP should consider also posting this on r/entitledparents.”
“OP is definitely NTA.”
“She has a right to wear what she wants, and it wasn’t like she was straight-up nude or wearing anything inappropriate.”
“She just was wearing a bikini and had a little belly showing.”
“Get over it or don’t look.” ~ TinyWalrusBoi
“I swear mothers are mother’s worst enemies, sometimes. NTA.”
“You’ve had 4 babies (damn, good luck moving forward, OP, that has to be scary at times!
“Your body is the way it is because it carried them, and I’m glad that shame didn’t occur to you, or at least not prior to these women feeling entitled to tell you to hide.”
“There is no reason to cover stretch marks. They’re not inappropriate at all, but particularly not when they tell a story of epic motherhood.”
“Keep wearing whatever you want.”
“Let these women desperately try to airbrush their own bodies if that’s what makes them comfortable, but they’re not entitled to trying to extend their own issues to you.” ~ ladyteruki
“I’ve worked in aquatics, and I’d report this to the pool/facility manager and have them speak to the moms.”
“No one who runs a pool wants patrons body-shaming one another.”
“It’s way out of line. NTA.” ~ DG_Brossetti
“You are so much NTA.”
“You have stretch marks cuz you’ve birthed actual humans out of your body… it’s completely natural and appropriate.”
“Those other mothers can get over themselves.”
“There’s nothing for you to feel guilty about.” ~ dumblilbumblybee
“They were being very rude.”
“‘No one wants to see that’ is an absolutely vile thing to say to anyone, and if they were so offended by your stretch marks they could simply look away.”
“Everything that needed to be covered was covered, your husband was fine, and the instructor was fine.”
“You have nothing to be ashamed of and you don’t need to cover up unless you want to.”
“Ignore them. NTA.” ~ pktechboi
“NTA. My jaw is hanging open in shock.”
“I thought it was going to be them uncomfortable with you being a young hot 27-year-old mom.”
“I cannot believe they are more concerned about body shaming you than ensuring their little darlings don’t drown.” ~ Killingtime_onReddit
“NTA- I don’t think they should worry about you.”
“They should worry about minding their own darn business.” ~ Sea-Tea-4130
“NTA. They sound like busy-bodies.”
“Their issues with your stomach were their problem, not yours.” ~ stroppo
“NTA. They were rude AF.” ~ Living-Assumption272
“NTA at all.”
“Those other mothers are jealous that they don’t have the courage to be proud of their bodies.”
“You go be the youest you that you know how to be and don’t let anyone block your sunshine.” ~ KimmyCeeAhh
OP came back with an Update…
“I did not expect this to blow up so much!”
“I’m so thankful for all the kind comments.”
“This has made me feel much better about the situation.”
“Fortunately (or unfortunately) this isn’t our usual pool and we’re done with lessons until next year so I won’t have the chance to say anything you suggested to those people 😂.”
It’s wonderful to hear you’ve made peace with this situation OP.
Reddit clearly had your back.
You did nothing wrong.
You had every right to be comfortable and confident.
It’s good to know these women didn’t ruin your experience with your kids.
Happy swimming!!