There are few feelings worse than the feeling of being excluded.
After all, who enjoys knowing that a group of people you thought were your friends made a point of not including you in an activity, outing or trip.
Even if they weren’t intentionally excluding you, it can still be hurtful knowing that you were at home alone while your so-called friends all went out to dinner, and didn’t think to ask you.
The only possible feeling worse than being excluded or left out by your friends, is being left out by your family.
The family of Redditor ApartContribution573 had recently planned a family vacation.
A family vacation the original poster (OP) was disappointed she couldn’t join, owing to it being out of her price range.
However, her disappointment soon turned to anger, when she learned that non-family members were also going to be joining this vacation, owing to some rather surprising financial help.
Wondering if her anger was justified, the OP took to to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for crashing out cause I’m not invited on the family holiday?”
The OP explained why she was hurt and angry about being left out of an upcoming holiday vacation:
“Hi guys (23 F[emale]).”
“My family recently booked a holiday and asked if I wanted to come I said I couldn’t afford it and that was that.”
“Recently was talking to my mum and she said that both of my younger siblings are bringing a friend that she is fully paying for.”
“My brother is 20 like he lives at home and she is paying for him and a friend.”
“And my sister (15) and her friend to go on an all inclusive holiday to Spain.”
“It was the same last year they all went on holiday without me but last year they didn’t bring anyone else.”
“I was fine with it until I heard my mums paying for other kids to do but wouldn’t bring me so I’m annoyed with her.”
“I do so much for her as well like way more than my other siblings.”
“I live 10 mins down the road so always picking up/ dropping to school or doing things around the house for her but I’m butt hurt that she clearly had this extra money to spend to bring other peoples kids on holiday but not me.”
“I initially asked a few weeks ago for her to tell me how much it would be if I booked on cause I would have went if it was affordable.”
“She got back to me saying it’s 900 and I just said I couldn’t afford that anyways and that was it.”
“Until I found out she’s paying for 2 of my siblings friends.”
“She said in convo who was going and I just said ‘what you could have paid for me to go but instead ur paying for 2 other children’ and she ignored that comment.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting her mother about not being included in the family vacation.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s anger was more than justified, thinking her mother should have covered the expenses of her own child before her younger children’s friends, with many urging the OP to stop helping her mother or the rest of the family from now on.
“NTA.”
“I’d stop doing extra favors for her, since she doesn’t seem to appreciate it.”- CF_FI_Fly
“NTA.”
“I would tell her with the least emotion possible that you’re insulted that she would pay for your sibling’s friends and not you and as a result you decided you’re no longer going to be there for her the way you have in the past because clearly she doesn’t value you as much as she should.”-
Dazzling_Note6245
“NTA.”
“Tell her you are upset and why.”
“And stop doing things for her, instead invest that time in yourself.”- Extra-Sundae9096
“NTA.”
“For the way you feel.”
“If she wants to pay for your siblings’ friends to go but not you, I would stop doing things for her for free.”
“If she pays you, maybe you can afford to go next time.”- TheWorldTurnsAround
“NTA.”
“But stop helping.”
“Tell your mum to ask other children – or the friends she’s paying to take – to take kids to and from school, do chores etc.”-gringaellie
“NTA.”
“You are starting to realize that your family sucks, prob mostly ur mum, but they all function best with you at the bottom to put all the negative feels on.”
“You have a long and painful journey ahead, and it’s prob going to be messy and gross, and eventually, you’re going to have to cut her off, and then that’s going to be messy and gross.”
“The faster you can establish boundaries and stop letting her cr*p all over you, the sooner the whole house of lies she is propping up can come tumbling down, and you can get on with figuring out who you are and living the glorious life that’s ahead of you.”
“One day you will be surrounded by people that value you and don’t make you feel like a crazy person for being upset at being treated terribly.”- Creative_Pop2351
“NTA.”
“Why would she pay for two random people and not her own daughter.”
“Clearly money isn’t the issue here.”- Sparkleunicorn272727
“NTA.”
“Time for a talk with your mom.”- PlasticPalm
“NTA.”
“I would tell her you are hurt and will be stepping back from your relationship for a while to think about things.”
“Let her know you will be unavailable to help her.”
“She’s using you and treating you badly.”
“I’m sorry.”- wishingforarainyday
“NTA.”
“But mom sure is.”
“No way I’d pay for a random to come over my own kid that can’t afford it.”- icedcoffeealien
“NTA.”
“You’re entitled to be cross, when you have saved enough go on a nice holiday and enjoy.”
“Nobody owes you any favors so treat yourself.”- New-Duck-6401
“Is it the same a-hole mother that kicked her ex alcoholic and sick daughter out, because they couldn’t ditch work to take her to an ‘eyebrow appointment’?”
“Yeah, NTA.”- AnniemAnita
“NTA.”
“Your feelings are valid.”
“She’s not obligated to offer but yes, not treating you fairly at all.”
“You deserve better.”
“I’d stop doing all these extra things though.”
“I’m not sure it will change anything to tell her how it makes you feel, sadly, but it might be good for you.”- Antelope_31
“NTA.”
“But OP, I say this gently as it may be difficult to read: you cannot do enough to earn the respect of your Mum.”
“She doesn’t give enough f*cks to pay for you because the comfort and pleasure of your siblings was more important to you.”
“Her support.”
“Time to withdraw so much support.”
“But understand that she.”
“Will.”
“Kick.”
“Off.”
“And that’s not your fault.”
“Good on you for standing up for yourself, you deserve to feel proud of you.”- keishajay
“NTA.”
“But did you ask her to pay for you to go?”
“I would certainly tell her how hurt this makes you that she would pay for friends and not you.”- Tryingmybestatlife2
“NTA.”
“This is abhorrent.”
“You need to go NC with your family now.”
“Use all that time she has you doing work for them to focus on yourself.”
“School, another job, exercise, planning your move as far away from her as possible during your now reclaimed free time.”- AeriePuzzleheaded675
The OP later returned with an update, sharing where things currently stood with her family’s vacation:
“My younger brother and his friend was meant to share the room with my sister and her friend but he decided he wanted to book his own room using his own money so he did.”
“Then when I heard there’s a room free in the apartment I asked if I could just add on flights and stay there but my sister was having none of it cause they wanted it to themselves so I rang my mum and was like I can’t afford a whole separate room like let me sleep on the couch in my sisters room, she refused.”
“I then said well can you pay for half of it with me cause that’s not fair you may get whoever (insert sisters friends name) is to do anything you want for you.”
“My mother said Yeah, okay, I’ll go halves with you for it.”
“So all sorted now.”
“And I’ll be sunning it in Spain in July.”
It is more than a little surprising that a parent would ever prioritize anyone over their own children.
Especially a child who offers constant help without ever asking if she needs it.
At least, in this case, it all came to a happy conclusion.
One just hopes the OP will be able to enjoy sunny Spain and not worry about everything that happened before her arrival there.