Getting children to eat is one of the biggest challenges faced by parents.
Especially if it's trying to get them to eat new and healthy foods.
As a result, parents often need to be very careful when describing the food they are serving their children.
As one dubious description could be all it takes for the child's plate to remain full all through dinner.
Redditor DentistTerrible8768 found what they thought was an economical and delicious way to save money on food.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)'s wife was less thrilled with this plan, even going on to make off-putting remarks about the food he was providing.
Remarks that were off-putting enough to permanently affect their children's appetite and cause the OP to lose their temper.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my wife she can work overtime for food if she refuses to eat deer meat?"
The OP explained why they simply had enough of their wife's commentary at the dinner table:
"As a lot of you know food is expensive right now."
"I was lucky enough to get a deer."
"I ground it up for ground meat."
"Basically when you cook it you just think it is normal ground meat, especially when you do recipes with spices like tacos."
"My issue is with me wife, we have two kids that are under 7."
"The oldest is fine eating it but my youngest hates it due to my wife."
"The first time I made some meatloaf with it my wife commented that it's Bambi."
"She doesn't hate the taste just when she knows its deer."
"I know this because she liked the tacos and then refused to eat it after my wife made another comment about Bambi."
"She was two tacos in already."
"My wife doesn't like to eat it but I would think she would see that this is to save money and the food is fine."
"That our kids need protein and meat is so expensive right now."
"I have talked to her before but she keeps doing it."
"I want my daughter to actually have some red meat in her diet since we can't afford to keep buying it."
"It came to a head today."
"I made some meat sauce and pasta."
"My youngest was already eating it and my wife came in and made a Bambi comment."
"She refused to eat the rest of her dinner."
"I had enough and told her I expect her to start working overtime for food since she stops people from eating the deer meat."
"We got into an argument about it and she thinks I am a huge jerk and disgusting for the deer meat."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not the OP was the a**hole for clapping back at their wife.
Most agreed that the OP was simply trying to save money and provide for their family, and if the OP's wife didn't like the food they were providing, then they should try to earn a little extra money so they could afford more food.
"You are NTA."
"Your wife is welcome to think that venison is disgusting, but she needs to control her reactions and stop actively sabotaging your kids' reactions to it."
"Or, as you've suggested, find a way to provide an alternative on her own."- EndielXenon
"I'm going to set aside the economic issue here, which is totally valid in and of itself."
"Venison is delicious."
"A full carcass could feed your family meat for a season or more if properly butchered and stored for pennies on the dollar compared to store bought cuts."
"None of this is in question."
"The issue here seems to be the moral imperative of killing and eating a deer."
"Entire cultures, including nearly all of the western world, relied on deer (or other ruminants) hunting for the vast majority of human history in some degree."
"Domestication of cattle and goats shifts this into an industrial scale, but the animals are generally the same in intelligence and behavior."
"Your wife calling deer 'Bambi' as some sort of emotional/moral complaint is ridiculous."
"Cows, pigs, and chickens can be just as playful and friendly as any other creature."
"Unless your wife is not eating any meat, this is just deliberate sabotage for no purpose."
"Deer hunting is needed (at least in the US) to keep populations in line as we have eliminated their primary predators to such an extent that unmanaged deer populations can be ecologically devastating."
"Better we eat what we kill as part of wildlife management than kill and let it go to waste."
"The industrialization of the meat industry has done us few favors as a society, but the worst of it is somehow making the connection between living creature to food taboo."
"Your kids should understand where their food comes from, and appreciate the sacrifice made for our sustenance."
"NTA."- Encartrus
"NTA."
"Many posters aren't commenting on your actual request for judgment so here is mine."
"You're not the AH for telling your wife (and her children's mother) that she could work OT to buy the meat she wants on the table."
"Your frustration with her is evident."
"If your wife wants beef or other meat, she can stop whinging and provide it herself."
"Complaining about venison and behaving like it's a you problem instead of getting what she wants with her paycheck is AH behavior."- Sidneyreb
"NTA."
"Even if your wife refuses to eat the deer it is not fair that she makes those 'Bambi' comments and influences the youngest."
"Some people just do not know to show appreciation and take everything for granted."
"Your wife as well is setting a bad example with those types of comments."
"Food is food."
"Unless a person does not like the food shall not eat."
"But please allow others to enjoy the food."
"Referring the deer to venison adds an exotic touch and might help people enjoy better what they eat."- BreakingMeows
"Your wife is an a**hole for calling it bambi on front of young impressionable kids."
"They form ideas from the parents and this undermines your efforts to feed the family."
"You are doing what you can do feed family and your wife is doing sabotage."
"Id ask her to keep her slick comments to herself and come up with a plan."
"NTA."- BeeYehWoo
There were those, however, weren't entirely convinced that the deer meat was the only way the OP could economically provide food for their family, and their wife deserved to eat food she liked as well.
"The only way you'd not be the AH is if there is no food whatsoever you won't eat or, if there is, you plan to yourself also work overtime to pay for an alternatives."
"People are allowed to have food preferences."
"Even if you don't agree with their reason."
"Even if they happen to be your wife and children."
"If you're concerned about nutritional deficits, you can meet your kids' needs more affordably than meat anyway."
"Peanut butter, eggs, canned tuna, and beans aren't going to require a second job."- POAndrea
"With Chronic wasting disease in deer - I don't blame her."
"She is the smart one here."
"Plus most people have no clue how to make venison taste good."
"I hunt but I would not eat venison unless I have tested it."
"Cooking does not kill the prions."- lokis_construction
"YTA."
'Your wife doesn't have to like venison."
"A lot of people don't for whatever reason."
"You've completely cut out buying meat from your groceries, and it sounds like you eat meat every day, so you're having a good she dislikes every day."
"Telling her to work overtime for food that she likes absolutely makes you an AH."-Away_Negotiation_617
"We eat deer meat in my house and I definitely think YTA."
"Your wife shouldn't have to work overtime just because she doesn't want to eat deer meat."-New_Sprinkles_4073
"YTA."
"Do you typically eat a food item you don't like over and over again?"
"No."
"She doesn't like it, let her buy other food."
"If someone gave my husband a bag of crabs, he wouldn't say I have to eat them or work overtime."
"Like get over yourself. If 2 out of 4 are ok eating the meat then you are still saving money."
"If I was your wife I'd only buy and cook food you don't like for the rest of your life and tell you oh well work more to get what you prefer, so is this the hill you want to die on?"- Constant_Increase_17
It is rather confusing that a parent would discourage their child from eating something they clearly like, simply because they, themselves, don't like the food in question.
However, there are still affordable ways to get food on the table that pleases everyone.
One can only hope the OP and their wife reach a compromise that will ensure no one in their household goes to bed hungry.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp