Redditor lfofkgnfm works as a nanny six days a week for a family whose mother is always out of the house for a variety of reasons—including work.
When the mother missed something momentous back at home, she made a comment that made the nanny say something she wound up regretting later.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to hear what Redditors would have to say about her comment and asked:
“AITA for telling my boss she is a bad mother?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote
“i’m thinking i am the a**hole, just want opinions on the matter.”
“i nanny for a family who has two beautiful young infants. 6 days a week, 7-7 (from when they generally woke up, to when they generally sleep).”
“2 days a week the mom is home and assisting me. however, she’s completely preoccupied with the older child. she’s admitted to me she didn’t want another one, only had another baby so the eldest wasn’t an only child.”
“i understand, because the older one is a mommy’s girl and if she sees her mom, wants her. the other days i’m alone with both of them.”
“so one day, the youngest walks for the very first time. obviously i video it straight away and send to the mom. i didn’t get a response which i thought was weird but whatever.”
“when mom gets home right before i’m meant to leave, she says she’s disappointed the child walked for the first time in my presence. that’s all she says. i say maybe it’s because she’s a bad mom.”
“i should mention, this woman could get home from work at 5:15 if she wanted to. instead she goes for drinks with friends, shops etc. she only works 3 days a week, the other day she ‘runs errands’ eg. goes to yoga, has brunch lunch and afternoon drinks, goes to her moms group, more shopping etc.”
“she also has a chef and cleaner”
“so AITA?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors agreed with the OP being the a**hole for criticizing their boss.
“YTA. There is absolutely no context in which telling your boss she is a bad mother would be be remotely appropriate.”
“Wtf are you doing being a nanny if you are going to judge people for having a nanny?” – BaconEggAndCheeseSPK
“Is Nanny, judges mothers for using a Nanny. YTA.” – Mondashawan
“Exactly. Basically she is a bad mom for providing a service to take care of her child? What kind of logic is that? Especially coming from the service provider.” – simba1998
“Seriously tho. You have a job because she doesn’t prefer child care. She’s not abusing and neglecting her children she makes sure they’re cared for. That is literally OP’s job.”
“I know bad moms, this lady is NOT a bad mom. She has worked out what life style she likes and ensures her kids are cared for. Is she an overly present mom? No, perhaps not, but she’s not a bad mom.”
“Some of my friends honestly feel like they are better moms when they have time to themselves. They’re happier, better rested, and don’t resent their kids.”
“Everyone has to do things differently. She’s not leaving the kid home alone hungry with a dirty diaper to go get drinks with friends….” – HuaAnNi
“You do realize that the baby doesn’t understand the concept of waiting till thier parent is home to take their first steps, right? Who the baby walks in front of for the first time has nothing to do with anyone’s parenting skills.”
“It doesn’t make her a bad parent or you a wonderful nanny. Baby walks when baby wants to walk. Other then your petty judgment of someone who hired you, you had no reason to say that.”
“Besides, if she was around more, you’d be out of a job. You might be anyway because you didn’t know when to think before you spoke. YTA.” – GlaxenFlux
“YTA – for all you know she’s suffering with post natal depression..”
“You’re acting like the baby prefers you and so chose to walk for you.. as a child care provider you should know that that wasn’t the case so insinuating that and calling the child’s mother a bad mother.”
“Also you’re there to do a job, by the sounds of it she has money, she has a chef and cleaner, and? what’s Your point? You’ve clearly added this to emphasise her being a ‘bad mother’ so what exactly does her not cooking or cleaning equate to her being a bad mother?”
“Does she have a gardener? A handyman? If so does this make the father a bad father because he isn’t doing the stereotypical norms.”
“You mentioned she only works 3 days a week. The other days she runs errands spends some time on herself etc. In your mind I’m guessing your thinking she’s selfish by doing this.”
“I’m a mother and I don’t see it that way, when my two sons were young I’d of given my left arm to be able to go run errands without hearing ‘are we there yet?’, Having to do an emergency nappy change half way round the supermarket or hearing ‘can I have this?’ With every chocolate bar or toy they see and these are things when kids are having a good day!”
“And you bet your a** I’d of sold my soul to have a few hours to myself!”
“When you become a mother you become a completely new person, people even see you differently and you do loose your identity because everything about you is wrapped around your kids.”
“When people talk about motherhood they’ll tell you all the positives, even with the negatives they’ll tell you it’s worth it, which it is. But I don’t know many mothers who wouldn’t utilise their finances like this mother has.”
“Cooking and cleaning is not what makes a great mother, that’s what stresses us out! This woman has used her money to reduce that stress on herself.”
“She runs errands and socialises during the day without her children, the errands would be incredibly stressful even when kids are in a good mood, the socialising and taking time for herself would be impossible if she had the kids with her… so she got a nanny so she can run errands stress free and take time for herself, something recommended to all mums to prevent mental health problems. And you think she’s a bad mum?”
“I’ll tell you what a bad mum is.. an abusive and neglectful one.”
“You act like she doesn’t care about this baby and she clearly does due to the regret she has over missing her first steps. Just because she informed you that she didn’t really want the second child doesn’t mean she doesn’t love the child.”
“You are far too judgemental considering your failure to look at the whole picture. And you need to apologise.”
“No mother Does laundry, cleaning, cooking and stresses out with two grumpy and/or hyper kids whilst shopping because they want to be a good mother, they do it because they have to and it’s stressful.”
“so if she’s able to put aside those jobs that’s great! Because if mums stress the kids aren’t going to get the best version of her. This way they get fun mum!” – panicattackcity91
“YTA. That was extremely rude and judgemental of you. She may not be able to be there all of the time but she is providing for her kids, childcare in the form of you, cleaning in the form of a cleaner and meals in the form of a cook, obviously paid for by her working.”
“Different people live in different circumstances and although its ok for you to have an opinion on this, you were completely out of line voicing it.” – Dont-trust-it
Redditors continued explaining why the boss was not a bad mother and the OP was cautioned against making assumptions about situations they know nothing about.