Not every parent gets to have a partner.
Some have to fly solo.
That’s why so many couples appreciate the blessing of having a co-parent with whom they can be in the trenches.
But sadly for some parents, even with a partner, they often feel like they’re still parenting alone.
That’s why many say raising kids isn’t for the faint of heart.
Redditor Zobug6_ wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for interrupting my husband’s ‘free time’ because I’m sick?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24 F[emale]) am pregnant with my second child.”
“My husband (25 M[ale]) wasn’t the most understanding of pregnancy last time and basically thought I was being ‘dramatic’ until I started showing, at which point he was very supportive.”
“This seems to be happening again.”
“He has been helping out with our toddler a lot at night, and I’m supposed to then take the toddler when he’s up at 6 am to let husband sleep in.”
“This has happened with varying success because our toddler is loud.”
“Last night, my husband went to bed at 9:30 pm, and our toddler slept till 4:45 am. When my husband got up to settle him, my husband went back to sleep till around 7:45.”
“Tensions were already running high because my husband continued to be ‘off the clock’ but stayed in the dining room. This meant our toddler was running up to Dad every 30 seconds.”
“I was trying to make everyone food but was repeatedly being called over to distract my toddler away from my husband.”
“I finally told him if he wanted to have free time, he needed to go into the bedroom and shut the door.”
“He did so after some grumbling that he should be allowed to enjoy time wherever he wants in his home.”
“But it seemed like he was fine after I brought him breakfast in bed.”
“I continued to clean and take care of our toddler while getting sicker and sicker.”
“I had to interrupt my husband for a minute to watch our toddler while I puked.”
“Then he went back to the room when I was done.”
“At 9:45 am, I had to interrupt him again cause I was sick.”
“At this point, husband was very upset.”
“He says I shouldn’t be ‘offering’ him free time and then interrupting him repeatedly.”
“I feel I really did try my best to give him free time, but I can’t control when I’m sick.”
“I’ve tried to just bring our toddler with me, but he will just open the door and run away while I’m puking.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for interrupting my husband?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“This enrages me.”
“It’s disgusting behavior.”
“Unless he has a drastic change in perspective and personality, it will always be like this.”
“Being alone has to be better than being with someone so selfish.”
“Get therapy together or get out.”
“This is the rest of your life.” ~ Right-Pie5502
“NTA, so obviously NTA.”
“When you got married, did you exchange a set of vows that said ‘in sickness and in health,’ or some variant thereof?”
“Because this sort of situation is what those vows mean.”
“Your husband is your husband for all times and all seasons.”
“Not just when he actively chooses to be on ‘husband duty.'”
“That man is the father of your child at times and all seasons.”
“Not just when he actively chooses to be on ‘daddy duty.'”
“Toddlers are a handful.”
“They require a lot of care.”
“He knew that before you had a child.”
“You are ill, so he needs to look after his own flesh and blood.”
“Would you step up for him if he was ill?”
“Why can’t he step up for you?” ~ crazyheather345
“Yeah, stories like these just make me sad for the wives involved.”
“Earlier this year I had a bad cough that got worse at night.”
“For some reason, it seemed to help if I slept on the couch, and also, I didn’t worry about waking up my husband. Every night I’d get in bed, and then start coughing, and then schlep myself to the couch.”
“My husband kept offering to go sleep on the couch so I could have the bed. I turned him down each time because, for some reason, sleeping in the living room genuinely seemed to help.”
“He felt bad that he couldn’t do something to help.”
“When one of us is sick, the other one steps up to take care of things.”
“I just can’t imagine being partnered with someone who sees your illness as an inconvenience to them.” ~ ThisTooWillEnd
“This is totally true.”
“It’s always bothered most of my exes when I’ve said, ‘I never had the plan of doing the whole marriage thing and having a family, but I do know I want to be a mother more than anything.’”
“I wasn’t against it, and I’m still not, but my want to be a mother is and always was way stronger than wanting to be a wife or really even a G[irl]F[riend].”
“I can live without a man. I don’t think I could’ve lived without being a mother, and now that I am, I’m content for it to just be us.”
“But, sometimes love does crazy things to people, and no matter how sh*tty their S[ignificant] O[ther] is, they’re not going to leave.”
“Hopefully OP will do some thinking before their relationship imprints negatively on their children.”
“Raising their boys to think it’s acceptable to just take time off from being a parent, push most of the work off on mom because they came out of her, so ultimately she’s the one that’s got to shoulder the responsibility.”
“And teaching their girls, ‘that’s just the way life is’ when most good parents aren’t raising their kids like that anymore for a reason.” ~ Ok_Difficulty_8203
“It’s not even about stepping up because she’s ‘ill’/pregnant.”
“She says she’s trying to make food for everyone, yet her lovely husband is calling her away to distract the toddler away from him.”
“Like, sure there’s multitasking.”
“But depending on what she was making food-wise really determines if it’s safe for her to be watching/distracting the toddler at the same time.”
“That was a moment where lovely husband should have realized that ‘his time’ was on hold and he needed to be present unless he didn’t care about his own food.”
“Then it just went downhill from there.”
“Husband sucks. NTA.” ~ TrickSea_239
“She should just vomit on him next time.”
“OP is absolutely NTA and should consider couples therapy if she wants to even have a chance at being in an equitable partnership.”
“Otherwise I’d kick his a** to the curb.” ~ Junkalanche
“Girl, why did you have another baby with this guy after he already treated you like sh**t while you were pregnant with the first one?”
“Don’t get it twisted – huffing and accusing you of being dramatic and not supporting and caring for you whilst sick due to carrying his child, no matter how showing, is treating you like s**t.”
“NTA he sucks.” ~ burnt-heterodoxy
“NTA and the subtle language and actions here make it sound like there is already an inherent imbalance in your relationship.”
“Your husband doesn’t ‘help out’ with his own kids.”
“That’s called just… parenting.”
“I notice you are also the one cooking, the one cleaning up after the toddler, the one expected to do such duties and also manage yourself, the house, the kids… while the husband relaxes and is occasionally given duties to ‘help’ you.”
“This isn’t how a partnership should work.”
“It should be more organic and equitable, and he should have more compassion and sympathy and be willing to take on more load without asking when you are sick.”
“Your husband is a major AH.” ~ Mobile_Following_198
“NTA he’s a full-time dad and husband, thems the breaks.”
“He was the AH well before we even got to you being sick.”
“He was miffed at you for struggling to cook food for the family and entertain the toddler at the same time?”
“Frankly it sounds like like you have two toddlers.” ~ D20IsHowIRoll
“NTA, but he has a point.”
“With a toddler and pregnancy, you really shouldn’t be offering him free time.”
“So just listen to him, from now on, no more free time.”
“He should be with both of you at all times, in case you have to throw up.”
“And it’s much safer for 1 parent to be cooking and the other to be watching the kid (and also so much more logical).”
“Also, I want you to take a step back and think of the bizarreness that you would rather have your toddler watching you puke than your husband who’s 30 seconds away looking after your toddler for a couple of minutes.” ~ Low_Traffic_1835
“NTA. Being a husband and father isn’t a job. It doesn’t come with ‘off-duty’ hours and weekends away.”
“It’s called being a partner and parenting.”
“Honestly – it was a red flag during the first pregnancy when he thought you were being dramatic instead of having morning sickness, a well-documented part of pregnancy in the first trimester for a lot of people.”
“If he feels the need to divide up the hours of the day and the duties of parenting a child to this degree even while married you might as well go for the divorce and just turn it into the custody arrangement.”
“Get the child support and move on and find a partner who gives a f**k about you and your kids and not just himself.” ~ BusyIzy83
“NTA. Husband got 7 hours of straight sleep, then 3 more straight hours, and then thinks he’s entitled to sit around like a bump on a log while you run around ragged, pregnant, and ill?”
“Serving him F**KING BREAKFAST IN BED LIKE HE’S A KING? F**K NO!!”
“Tell that man he’s a parent and husband and has adult responsibilities now.”
“He’s not one of the toddlers.” ~ dstarpro
“NTA. This is exactly what sets many couples on the fast path to divorce.”
“A friend of mine left her husband last year for very similar reasons.”
“Men like this need to grow up and realize they are full-time parents and partners, not just there to ‘help out’ when it suits them.” ~ Carma56
“Bloody hell.”
“I was once half dead on the couch with a migraine.”
“My flatmate brought me a bottle of water, called our landlord to reschedule the house inspection we were meant to be cleaning for, and turned off the lights.”
“Thus did affect their plans, but they did it.”
“My flatmate, not a person I’m married to, sleeping with, or parenting children with.”
“Your husband can’t even watch your shared children while you puke… NTA.” ~ Fine-for-now
“NTA. This is only going to get much worse when the second baby arrives.”
“You two need counseling.”
“Being a parent is a full-time job, and he doesn’t just get to clock out.”
“Sure, each parent deserves free time, but if you’re sick, he really needs to step it up.”
“He is selfish and coming from a mom of two who is in the middle of divorcing a narcissist, it doesn’t get any better.” ~ liftlovelive
“NTA He can have free time in 18 years when the kids are grown; until then, he has to be a parent.”
“You should not have had a second child with a man who is this incompetent.” ~ International-Fee255
“NTAH, tell him you want to do marriage counseling because, in his view, he isn’t obligated to parent when you’re sick or cooking or other times you’re tied up.”
“And that you feel if you need to parent full time, that you thought he’d parent or assist you as a spouse.”
“So you want to carve out personal time for both of you that respects things like illness.” ~ julesk
“NTA- Sometimes being a parent trumps my time.”
“You were throwing up. You don’t get a break from being pregnant, so unfortunately for him, sometimes his me time is going to have to take a backseat to his second child making itself known.”
“Ask him to take over the pregnancy for a bit so you can have some me time too.” ~ Tired_Mama3018
“Vomit in his lap. Maybe then he’ll get it.”
“NTA but your husband is.” ~ WiccanPixxie
Reddit is concerned about your husband’s behavior, OP.
There is no “off-the-clock” parenting.
Your husband needs to step up… PRONTO!
You have every right to demand his help.
You may want to talk to a therapist together. They can help him understand.
Good luck.