Sometimes it feels like having roommates is becoming more and more of a necessity in life these days.
So people are making the best of the situation.
However, a situation with a roommate can be stressful.
That’s why ground rules tend to be a good idea upfront.
Especially when it comes to overnight visitors.
Redditor YesIreallyDontCare wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for objecting to my roommate having guests stay overnight for 5 days?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I live in 3 bedroom house with three roommates, and we are all in the Navy.”
“One of the guys has had his fiancée living with us for the past week, and he also dropped on me today, saying that he is having his Mom and two sisters (19 F[emale] and 7 F[emale]) coming into town.”
“I said, Cool, where are they staying?’ he replied that they were staying at our house on the pullout bed in the living room.”
“I obviously objected to this because our house isn’t that big, the living room is connected to the kitchen, and because we are in the Navy, we are up and about at 6 AM, which means we would cause a stir.”
“It also means I won’t be able to wind down at the end of the day and watch TV in the living room.”
“I then suggested they stay at the Navy Lodge, which is FAR cheaper than places out in town, and he brushed off my idea and said, ‘Well, they are to see me.’”
“It’s frustrating how someone can be such a cheap a** (especially since he’s an officer), stubborn, and inconsiderate.”
“I told him I wasn’t ok with this arrangement, and then we got into a fuss, and he thought I was the one being unreasonable.”
“What do you think?”
“Any ideas on how to delicately approach this?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. He didn’t ask you.”
“He TOLD you.”
“This alone would make an automatic no from me.”
“I don’t give a f**k if he traveled from Antarctica. He has no right to impose and inconvenience his roommates.”
“If he wants to spend time with his family, he can share a suite with them in a hotel.”
“Taking over a shared space for 5 days is rude.”
‘You can’t be delicate with entitled a**holes.”
“No means no.”
“Even a dog understands the word no.”
“Are you an officer?”
“Will he retaliate against you?”
“If so you may have to deal with it.” ~ Unicornfarts68
“If his objection to the Navy Lodge is that he wants to stay with them, then he can get an adjoining room for himself there. Problem solved.”
“You need to let him know that his family will have no privacy and you will continue to use the living room for its intended purpose while they are there.”
“Whatever you use the living room for – given you’re in the Navy, I assume that means jazzercize or interpretive modern dance or possibly competitive quilting.” ~ Boeing367-80
“So what if they’re here to see him?”
“He’s being inconsiderate. “
“I’m pretty sure them girls don’t wanna sleep in the same bed as their mom.”
“You’re NTA.” ~ pinky2184
“Definitely! Not only is he an awful roommate for doing this, but he is also a total d**k to his family, subjecting his mum, teen sister, and little girl sister to this super uncomfortable living arrangement on a couch with strange men (no offense OP) wandering in and out.”
“I would not do any of the wanderings around half naked or watching inappropriate TV that has been suggested, out of respect to the poor guests and caution that you get reported for something.”
“But I would make it abundantly clear to them what you think of your roommate being such an inconsiderate cheap skate to the women in his family.” ~ perusalandtea
“NTA. Be petty. Come home from work and plop on the sofa and click on the TV.”
“Be in and out of the common living spaces all dang night.”
‘Get a glass of water.”
‘Open the fridge and stare aimlessly into it.”
“Riffle through the junk drawer.”
“Get a glass of water in the middle of the night in your underwear.”
“Pretend to stub your toe in the dark.”
“In the morning open and close cupboard doors.”
“Run the water.”
“Turn on the dishwasher.”
“Riffle through that junk drawer again.”
“You get the drift.”
“Speak to the family.”
“Express your ‘surprise’ that your roommate didn’t pay for them to stay at the Navy Lodge.”
“Honestly, you are under no obligation to play host to these people.” ~ PurpleStar1965
“Wow. Mom and 2 teenage sisters, all staying on a pull-out?”
“Being subjected to two strange men going into and out of the bathroom in maybe nothing but a towel?”
“And just where are you supposed to spend your off time, stuck in your room?”
“Tell the f**ker he needs to open his wallet and either put up Mom and the kids in the visitor hostel or pay for you and roomier to kip elsewhere.”
“Make sure he knows that when you are not home, your bedroom door will be locked.”
“And go get a lock and install it.” ~ Broken-Druid
“NTA. Even if you can’t stop him, don’t change your schedule.”
“Of course, you get up at 6 am.”
“Of course, you make your normal breakfast.”
“Of course you watch your evening show.”
“Still NTA.” ~ SushiGuacDNA
“NTA. It’s one thing for him to ask whether it’s ok for them to stay, and another thing to insist.”
“If the fiancée ends up staying there full time, then it’s time to recalculate how the household expenses are calculated.”
“And in the case of the family, assuming that someone’s whole family can stay in your house when you share it with multiple roommates is beyond absurd.”
“Any roommate should have full veto power over that situation.”
“Since it sounds like he’s not backing down, he should be paying your rent for that time, since he’s treating the house like it’s all his.” ~ Bee-hole99
“NTA, Just because he’s a roomie doesn’t mean he can tell you or the other roommate what to do.”
“Even if he outranks you he couldn’t tell you.”
“Personally if he wants to play this game of being bossy.”
“Throw a party, I mean it.”
“Send an email to your fellow officers and hit up the girls at the Officers club as well.”
“Make him, his mom, and sister uncomfortable.”
“Now the icing on the cake is if you have a garage with the cars parked out and put the sofa and chairs there.”
“Gift your neighbors ahead of time as well some decent bottle of wine or hard liquor.”
“NTA. There is no way to delicately approach this.”
“The only thing you can do is not change your schedule.”
“If you want to use the living room at night do so.”
“As he said they are here to see him so they aren’t considered your guests so you don’t have to treat them as if they are.”
“Get a lock on your bedroom.”
“He is allowing too many unknown people into your apartment.” ~ wlfwrtr
“NTA. If you live with other people, you don’t get to decide on your own to have guests over that will be sleeping in the shared spaces.”
“And even if it’s just a partner who sleeps in the housemate’s own room when they are staying more than a few nights, it should still be asked/discussed with the housemates beforehand.”
“I’d tell him that if he wants to unilaterally decide to have people stay over in the lounge etc, that he should move out and get his own place.”
“If these people are staying over, do NOT change your daily routine or lifestyle for them.”
“If you need to get up by 5 AM to have breakfast, do it.”
“If you want to watch TV in the lounge after work, do it.”
“If they’ve left the sofa out as a bed, ask them to remove their bedding and put the sofa back into sofa position.”
“Who owns the house?”
“Might be time to talk to the landlord about this guy.” ~ wandering_salad
“NTA. 3 more people is a lot of disruption, especially if they sleep in the living room.”
“This isn’t a hotel, your roommate should arrange for them to sleep elsewhere – common areas aren’t made for that.”
“Of course, they can’t all sleep in his own room, so they should stay elsewhere.” ~ PandaCotton
“NTA. There are already enough people crammed into that house.”
“Asking for two more would just be absurd in my opinion.”
“Not to mention, as others have stated, he didn’t even ask you.”
“He should have sat you down and talked to you about it first.”
“There are these things called communication and respect and, unbeknownst to some people, they are very important when it comes to a shared household.”
“Sounds to me like he has been taking your kindness for weakness.”
“Good for you for putting your foot down.”
“Next thing you know, he will be offering your bedroom up.” ~ Marandajo93
“NTA. How do the other roommates feel about it?”
“It’s pretty inconsiderate of him all the way around, to be honest.”
“You all have to shift your lives around and walk on eggshells, and then his mom and sister have to be slapped right in the middle of a house full of guys.” ~ Appropriate_Piece_96
“NTA. You and your other roommate need to sit the cheap-a** roommate down and tell them that having people stay in your shared home for more than overnight isn’t cool.”
“And having 3 people take up your living room is absolutely a non-starter.” ~ dublos
“NTA. This sounds pretty on-brand for some new officers I met in my time.”
“Tell him to go stay in a hotel with them… since they’re here for him.” ~ Bittybellie
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Your roommate should’ve asked first.
This sounds like an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved.
Maybe a chat with your other roommates will be helpful.