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New Mom Called Out For Interrupting In-Law’s Fight To Inform Them Her Newborn Was Sleeping

older couple arguing
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When you’re a new parent, sleep is at a premium—whether it’s the parents or the baby sleeping. So when the little one finally settles down, parents want to make sure no one wakes them up.

If someone in the household is making a lot of noise, a parent might let them know the baby is napping.

A new mother turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a confrontation with her in-laws.

Limp_Author_7820 asked:

“AITA for letting my in-laws know that my baby was sleeping during their audible fight?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“I currently live with my in-laws with my infant son and husband. My in-laws find themselves in screaming matches daily.”

“Yesterday, while my son was asleep I could hear them screaming from downstairs where we stay with the door shut. I have been told that I can let them know when the baby is sleeping.”

“There was a break in their argument and so I said, ‘Just so you guys know, the baby is sleeping’ in a neutral tone and promptly exited the scene. Moments later, I heard my father-in-law (FIL) using my name and curse words together and something about ‘his f*cking house’ to my mother-in-law (MIL).”

“Then he came up to me 10 minutes later, heated, and said ‘Just so you know, I respect him (the baby), but I don’t think you get to shush me in my own home. This is my house’. I just looked at him and then he walked away.”

This morning I wanted to talk to him and asked my MIL if I should about his responses towards me, but my MIL said ‘he has a point, it’s his house’. All I can think is, it sure is, but I don’t think I did or said anything wrong or to warrant that reaction.”

“Seriously folks, AITA?”

The OP later added:

“We were self sufficient and had no threat to our self sufficiency (monetarily) before moving in. We had our first child and lived near no family.”

“We were invited to live with them for help on multiple fronts.”

“They wouldn’t accept our money and are giving us the ability to save for a home.”

“I was made aware that they have disagreements. All couples do. I was not made aware what they were like.”

“We have every intention of living on our own, but these adjustments can take time especially when the move is states away from where we had previously been established and a child is now in the decision making mix.”

The OP summed up their situation.

“The action I took was inserting myself into an argument to let them know my son was sleeping.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“NTA. You don’t want to raise your child in a violent home full of yelling, do you?” ~ LoquatiousDigimon

“As someone who grew up in a house like this as a kid, OP trust me you really really don’t. I imagine you’re weighing up the idea that having family around might provide extra security and savings.”

“And you sound very level-headed and like you care hugely for your child, so I really trust that you’re doing that all sensibly, but just to input my perspective in case it’s helpful, growing up in an environment like that can do a lot of damage and I would feel like you’d be right to give that a significant amount of weight in your decisions going forward.”

“Your kid has you, which even if you stayed there is going to be a huge help to them, but for me witnessing and experiencing conflict like that left me with a list of trauma and anxiety disorders as long as my arm which have meant it has been very hard for me to stay in stable employment, and it screwed with my perspective of what relationships should look like so much that I was in some very unhealthy ones in my teens that did extra damage.”

“I obviously don’t know your situation and, like I said, I think you’ll make the right decision for your family. My take is just that—if what you’re facing by moving away is more like uncertainty rather than definite danger/hardship, I would probably say that was still a healthier decision for your child.”

“Sending you all the best luck in the world. I’m really sorry your in-laws are like that, you shouldn’t be having to deal with this as an adult either.”

“For what it’s worth regarding your FIL and MIL’s comment, it’s meaningless—with people who approach conflict like that you really can’t take anything they say to heart, their entire approach is that if they feel criticised they explosively externalise all the feelings about that that should lead to introspection and try to hurt or intimidate the person they’re perceiving (irrationally) as a threat.”

“It’s literally no more constructive or meaningful than that, and in my experience the best way to deal with it is to remind yourself as calmly as you can of the facts of the situation.”

“You did nothing wrong, you’re not a bad or disrespectful person, you don’t deserve to be hurt or intimidated, that’s not an appropriate way to talk to you and do what you did which is to disengage as much as possible, whether that’s getting away or just grey-walling. NTA.” ~ Tatterjacket

“NTA. Some parents are just stuck in their ways and even though they asked OP and her husband to move in with them and said to tell them if the kid is sleeping, it doesn’t factor into the in-laws’ heads.”

“I’d put money on them being completely thinking they are the best people ever for letting them move in. That they didn’t have to let them. That OP should be grateful for it and show it.”

“The in-laws probably wouldn’t ever accept that their offer was a bad one. That they knew they would have to tone it down, but decided it was too much work, so pull the it’s my house bullsh*t.”

“I had renovations at my place (on the third floor) and the plumber stuffed up and flooded the joint. Meaning we had to move out of the house while every floor of the house was fixed.”

“My parents begged me to move in with them, even though insurance was going to pay for a rental place while it all went on. It took a week for the bullsh*t to start and being reminded it was their house, which meant they could say and do what they want and invade everyone privacy and do anything to any items we brought with us.”

“I kept civil and found a rental quick and moved within a week. I knew while staying there it would only escalate sh*t if I told them to change their ways.”

“I did call them out on everything. But only things they couldn’t twist to not be an arsehole act, would they say it was their house and could do what they want. Everything else they tried to paint as them trying to help.” ~ SteveJobsPens

“I say you’re NTA but then, neither are they except for how your FIL treated you—that was a**holian. It’s obvious they’re feeling encroached upon even if it was their idea to invite you to live with them.”

“It’s probably going to be a delicate situation moving forward. I wouldn’t ever interrupt one of their fights again if I were you as clearly it sets you up for misdirected anger, and you don’t need that.” ~ IamIrene

“You’re NTA, but your in-laws aren’t off the hook just because they don’t charge you rent. Not charging you rent and then firing out an ‘it’s my house’ when reminded maybe screaming matches aren’t great for a sleeping baby, is massive a**hole behavior.”

“They should get marriage counseling or something. Sounds awful. Get outta there.” ~ My_MeowMeowBeenz

“It’s nice they are saving money, but the price to pay for that is exposing their baby to a couple that think it’s completely fine to scream at each other and then get defensive about it.”

“NTA. Sometimes it’s worth having to save longer if it means not exposing your children to sh*t like that.”

“Maybe moving out for a short while with the baby might force the in-laws to evaluate how they communicate, and the environment will be better in the house for it, but until they make serious changes, I would be leaving with the baby and not returning.”

“It’s just not worth it.”  ~ JustAsICanBeSoCruel

“NTA. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying, ‘Hey, can you keep it down? Baby is sleeping’.”

“The minute he cursed at your name and then flat out told you he doesn’t respect you—game over. I don’t care if it takes 20 years to save for a house, time to move out.”

“And also, you shouldn’t be having any more conversations with your in-laws, period. Your husband needs to deal with his parents.”

“If my husband heard anyone in his family tell me they don’t respect me…ooooh boy! He would not stand for that.” ~ CheeSupreme1743

“NTA. A person can’t claim to ‘respect the baby’ while also yelling while the baby is sleeping. He’s actively not respecting the baby.” ~ Neutral_Guy_9

The OP provided an update.

“Husband and I spoke about exiting the home and are already looking at apartments to get into ASAP.”

It sounds like a place of their own is the perfect solution for everyone.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.