Baby showers are meant to be a beautiful celebration to celebrate the expecting parent.
It’s their time to be fawned over and given the spotlight.
Ninety-nine percent of pregnancy is about the baby.
A baby shower should be a relaxing, fun day for the parent-to-be.
And what they say… goes.
Redditor NuclearMichy wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for Standing by My Rule of No Children at My Baby Shower?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hello. I, 29 F[emale], am currently 29 weeks pregnant with my first baby.”
“My baby shower is only two weeks away, and I recently found out that my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw], 31 F, has been holding a grudge against my rule for my baby shower that I thought we had overcome a month ago.”
“My mom has been working diligently to throw me a baby shower, as this is her first grandchild, and she has always had a complex about throwing the perfect events for her children, even though we all tell her that we would be happy with anything she works on.”
“We have accepted that this is her way of showing her love and usually let her run the show, as all of her children, I especially, have never had too many desires to control these parties and would rather let her do her own thing.”
“This is to preface that the way she set up the baby shower was in the way she was used to having baby showers.”
“She booked a lovely small venue with a bar and a very adult/older children atmosphere.”
“Due to this, I wanted to invite only the women and no children because the idea of having children running rampant in a restaurant setting would have me stressed to the max, which is the last thing I would want for that day.”
“I honestly prefer the way my mom had set things up to allow it to be lowkey, as overly crowded events for me make me feel uncomfortable.”
“My side of the family is used to this kind of setup at baby showers, and honestly, we did not even have to mention to them to leave their children at home with their husbands because that’s just the way we have had all of our baby showers in the past with no unnecessary drama.”
“Enter sister-in-law who has a son that will be turning 2 in a month.”
“When we originally informed her of the rule we had set for the event, she had a meltdown.”
“She was beyond offended because she is my husband’s sister, and there should be an exception for him.”
“Due to this, we spent almost two months without hearing a single thing from her, up until a month ago, when she, I assume, made the realization that I wasn’t some vindictive monster and talked with her at a family barbecue like a normal adult, while playing with her son.”
“The past month has seemed to be as normal as usual, communication has been back to normal, and I thought we were over this hump, but I was wrong.”
“At another family get-together to see my husband’s cousin, who flew in from out of state, she apparently was continuing to complain about this issue almost four months after the original communication.”
“My husband and I had found this out through his cousin, who let us know she was going on about this before we got there.”
“Now I feel irritated because I have done everything to show her that this is not a personal attack on her and that I really just don’t want to worry about a child in a place not accommodating to children.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, you are allowed to have the baby shower you want, but man, you are in for a world of hurt when you have this kid and realize how hostile the world is towards kids.”
“Having kids is so isolating bc child-free people don’t want kids anywhere.”
“I had kids at my baby shower bc I love kids, and that is why I wanted one.”
“My friend’s daughter was the official gift helper, and she apparently loved it so much she played baby shower for months after it ended.”
“ETA: I meant child-hating/anti-natal people, not child-free people.” ~ HisGirlFriday1983
“Speaking as a child-free person, we do not want to disallow children everywhere.”
“We don’t want children in adult spaces like bars, brew pubs, and R-rated movies.”
“We want you to keep your children under control, not screaming indoors or running around a restaurant or any other non-playground space.”
“The world is not hostile to kids. In fact, it’s over-accommodating—children in adult spaces, screaming and chattering during the movie, and treating a bar like a playground—and they’re never asked to leave.”
“The rest of us are just supposed to put up with it.”
“It’s fine to have children at your shower if that’s what you want (provided you’re actually watching your child and making sure they behave).”
“It’s also fine to want and have a child-free event.”
“It’s not hostility, it’s a choice to have an event for adults only.” ~ YoshiKoshi
“I’m not sure I 100% believe your edit because at first you seemed to be coming from the belief that childfree people and child-hating people are necessarily the same thing.”
“And no, the world isn’t hostile to children, certainly not as hostile as it is towards childfree people; so many allowances are made for parents and children in this world, and others expected to tolerate entitled or shi**y behavior from either or both, that it’s completely rich to suggest that having kids is some kind of heroic social martyrdom.
“NTA OP – this is about your SIL being entitled and demanding and frankly an embarrassment, if she’s the only one that has a problem with your request.” ~ blackskirtwhitecat
“NTA… A two-year-old at any event where it is strictly adults will change the vibe.”
“Can she seriously not leave her child with his father for a few hours?”
“Or the paternal grandparents?”
“Why is she so offended?”
“Does she not want some me time?”
“Your husband needs to tell his sister that there are no children invited to your baby shower.”
“End of story.”
“She has two choices.”
“Enjoy some child-free time or stay home.” ~ Worth-Season3645
“NTA. I think it’s awesome that your family has a culture of expecting men to actually parent their kids and let women enjoy adult venues from time to time.”
“So many people expect moms to be glued to their children 24/7, and it’s just not healthy.”
“If SIL is married to someone who can’t watch their child for a couple of hours with months of notice, then her problem isn’t really with you or the invite list to your shower.” ~ messy_tuxedo_cat
“NTA, but the irony is hilarious.”
“Oh, first-time parents.” ~ Abject-Idea-7804
“It’s your baby shower, so NTA I guess, but I have been to like two dozen baby showers and have never even heard of someone banning children from one.”
“I would find it very strange to be invited to a baby shower that didn’t allow kids, but at the end of the day, it’s your event and you can make the rules.” ~ lvs301
“NTA, but I’ve never heard of a child-free baby shower.”
“It’s extremely odd to me.”
“You are literally celebrating having a kid, but kids aren’t welcome? Odd.”
“However, it’s your event.”
“You set the rules.”
“If she doesn’t like it or can’t find a sitter, she can miss your shower.”
“You WBTA if she missed your shower and you complained about it.”
“Child-free events are fine, but it can be limiting for some people.” ~ hotmessmamaof2
“You are NTA, and nothing has to change.”
“You are having a child-free baby shower, that’s your goal, and you’ve achieved that.”
“She’s no longer freezing you out, and she’s not even complaining to you.”
“Cousin didn’t have to pass on that gossip, and you don’t have to act on it.” ~ Firm-Molasses-4913
“NTA. That’s pretty unusual to include guests’ children in a baby shower, even if they are relatives.”
“A 2-year-old is quite a handful and would need constant supervision in a busy restaurant, which would really not be safe for him.
“Stick to your guns.” ~ wondering88888
“NTA – I went to a baby shower, kids were invited to.”
“I left my then 2-year-old at home so I could actually enjoy myself because he can be a lot.”
“Honestly, I enjoy being able to socialize without having my kid around sometimes.”
“It’s not really socializing if he’s out unless it’s a contained space – like someone’s house/yard.”
“Playgrounds seem great, but I have a runner who is also overconfident in his climbing ability.” ~ somethingclever1712
“NTA. It would be one thing if she simply didn’t want to attend due to the rule, but obviously the fuss she’s raising makes her TA.”
“She should rsvp no and be done with it.” ~ andromache97
OP came back to chat…
“Just wanted to add this here in case people don’t want to go through all the comments.”
“My family is extremely small (mom’s side only) and has very few children, as our generation just started having kids.”
“My family has never had a baby shower with kids in them, as the mothers opt to leave their children with their fathers.”
“My husband’s side is not much bigger and has a total of two children, one of whom already has childcare planned.”
“SIL would be the only one bringing her child if I did not mention this to her directly, and the event has no children’s entertainment.”
“She also has a husband who can watch him, and my husband has offered to watch him and bring him at the end of the event.”
Reddit is with you, OP.
This is your party and your special day.
If your SIL can’t bear to be separated from her son for one afternoon, that’s her issue to deal with.
She has childcare if she wants it.
Try not to let her bother you.
Congratulations!!!