When we are guests or visitors in someone’s house, it is generally accepted that we follow their rules.
Chances are, their house rules are different from ours, and on occasions, we might find their rules strange or excessive.
Even so, the polite thing is to follow them, nonetheless.
Unfortunately, not everyone is so understanding.
Redditor Sea-Credit-251 was recovering from surgery at home.
During this time, the original poster (OP) instilled a new house rule.
A rule that the OP’s father-in-law (FIL) refused to adhere to.
Unfortunately for him, the OP made it clear that in order to enter her home, he would have to follow this rule.
After being told by her husband that she was “causing drama”, the OP took to the subReddit “Am i The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for asking my FIL to wear shoe covers or take his shoes off in our apartment?”
The OP explained why she found herself at odds with her FIL:
“I (31 F[emale]) live with my husband (33 M[ale]) in a small one-bedroom with a very light rug.”
“I had foot surgery 6 weeks ago and do my PT at home on the rug with a mat.”
“Because of that, we set a temporary no-shoes rule to keep it clean and avoid tracking in dirt and germs.”
“We put a bench by the door, a rack, slippers in multiple sizes, and a box of disposable shoe covers for folks who can’t or don’t want to take shoes off.”
“Everyone’s been fine with it, except my father-in-law.”
“He’s visited three times since my surgery and refuses every time.”
“He says it’s ‘rude to tell guests what to do with their shoes’ and ‘I’m not wrestling with boots in your doorway’.”
“I offered him shoe covers, a stool, a long-handled shoehorn, even said he could keep a pair of slide-on slippers here.”
“He said shoe covers are ‘demeaning’,” and the last time he came in anyway with muddy treads.”
“I had to spend an hour spot-cleaning, which sucked because standing still hurts right now.”
“After the third round of arguing, I told him calmly: ‘I want you here, but if you won’t remove or cover your shoes while I’m recovering, let’s meet at your place or out for lunch’.”
“He got quiet, left early, and later told my husband I ‘banned’ him from our home.”
“My husband thinks I embarrassed his dad and should have let it slide for family harmony, because it’s temporary and ‘not worth the drama’.”
“I told him the rule applies to everyone, even delivery drivers, and I’m the one who has to clean this crap up when I can barely bend.”
“Idk if I’m being too strict or made it into a bigger deal than it had to be.”
“I get that shoe customs vary, and I don’t want to be a jerk over a rug.”
“But I also feel like we offered a lot of reasonable options and got nowhere.”
“Any scripts or compromises I’m missing here?”
“AITA for enforcing the shoes-off or shoe-cover rule and suggesting we meet elsewhere if he won’t comply?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow her FIL in her home if he didn’t abide by her “no shoes” rule.
Everyone agreed that even if this rule wasn’t “temporary”, no shoes in the house is a common rule. If the OP’s FIL was going to be that obstinate, then he deserved to face the consequences, with many even wondering if the OP should continue allowing her husband in their home:
“‘we set a temporary no-shoes rule to keep it clean and avoid tracking in dirt and germs’.”
“NTA.”
“This is your house.”
“Your FIL should respect it, and if he can’t, maybe he shouldn’t be coming over.”
“‘My husband thinks I embarrassed his dad and should have let it slide for family harmony, because it’s temporary and “not worth the drama’.”
“I’m the one who has to clean this crap up when I can barely bend.”
“You don’t have a FIL problem…you have a husband problem.”- IamIrene
“As a Canadian, it boggles my mind that people expect to keep shoes on indoors in a private home.”
“NTA.”- jdmac87
“NTA but your husband is.”
“He should either be laying down the law for his father, or doing all the cleaning.”
“This guy is willing to sacrifice you to appease his father.”
“This is a more serious problem than just about shoes.”- ScarletNotThatOne
“NTA.”
“Your husband can scrub the rug next time if he thinks it’s not a big deal.”- Lupus-Yonderboy
“NTA.”
“And did your husband have spine surgery recently?”- nofallingupward
“NTA.”
“Your health matters more than his feelings.”
“Oh, he’s embarrassed?”
“Good!”
“He should be! “
“Can’t take off his shoes to keep his daughter-in-law from getting an infection?’
“PATHETIC.”- peakerforlife
“This is a temporary thing, and he can’t abide by that for a short span of time?”
“NTA.”
“My sister has a 10-month-old who just started crawling.”
“She asks guests to take their shoes off in the mudroom, but for our older relatives, she gives them shoe covers.”
“Simple and basic respect.”
“Your FIL sounds exhausting, like just take the shoes off man, lol.”- Jolariss
“NTA.”
“It’s rude not to respect the rules of the house.”
“He’s being a baby.”
“If he can’t take his shoes off, then he can’t come.”
“Your husband should have your back on this.”- RoyallyOakie
“NTA.”
“I have a permanent no-shoes rule in my home.”
“Shoes are gross and carry not only dirt but bacteria and other nasties on them.”
“If your FIL can’t abide by this one rule in your home, he shouldn’t be welcome.”
“And like someone else asked, why is your husband not cleaning up the messes *his* father leaves behind?”- tidymaze
“NTA at all.”
“If your husband has a problem with this, he can clean up after his father.”
“I find people not taking their shoes off rude to the host – you bring the outside in and expect the person to clean up after you, especially if there is a carpet?”
“Rude and inconsiderate.”- SoulSiren_22
“NTA.”
“As a Canadian, I cannot imagine ever wearing outdoor shoes inside.”- DELILAHBELLE2605
“NTA.”
“It would be fine even if it were just your preference, but seeing as you have an actual medical issue your FIL is just being selfish.”
“It would not hurt him at all to wear covers on his shoes.”
“He just wants to be able to do what he wants in your house, regardless of how it affects you.”
“The last time he came in anyway with muddy treads.”
‘I had to spend an hour spot-cleaning.”
“Yeah, sounds like this needs to be made a general rule anyway.”
“He has extremely high pride and is either doing this as some sort of domination thing, or he is self-centered to the point he takes offense at it not being his rules in your home.”
“Either way, it is not his home.”
“It is yours, and you shouldn’t have risk an infection or waste an hour of your life cleaning just because he wants to wear a tin pot on his head and strut about in muddy combat boots like a little dictator in your house, dirtying up the floors.”- kurokomainu
“NTA.”
“An adult who cannot simply follow a rule in someone else’s home should not then play the victim.”
“LOL.”
“You should keep the no-shoe rule forever, to keep your carpet clean and get FIL to show up a lot less often at your door.”- hadMcDofordinner
“Ask your husband why his father can’t put on a couple of simple shoe covers to preserve ‘family harmony’.”
“NTA.”- sandtrooper73
“NTA.”
‘FIL was pulling a power move on you.”
“It was a firm ‘No one can tell me what to do’ move.”
“Then you called him out on it and he got his knickers in a twist.”
“Your husband needs to be on your boat here, instead of having one foot in yours and one foot in his parents.”
“This is your home, and you do get a say in it.”
“FIL either respects the temporary rule, or he can go kick rocks.”
“Your husband is an a**hole here too.”- Inner-Nothing7779
“NTA.”
“You bent over backwards to accommodate him.”
“At this point, he chose to ban himself.”- Individual_Ad_9213
“NTA.”
“Tell your husband that his dad should feel embarrassed because his behaviour is incredibly juvenile and embarrassing.”
“It’s not on you or your husband to try and prevent your FIL from feeling the feelings that are a natural consequence of his own choices and actions.”- Sedixodap
Requiring shoes to be taken off in the house is a fairly common rule, even when people aren’t undergoing physical therapy on the floor.
Perhaps the OP’s FIL should consider how much he would enjoy lying down on a floor that he knew people had been walking all over, bringing countless unknown germs with them.
Something OP’s husband should also think about, perhaps making it clearer to him who the one causing all the drama actually is.