Bachelor parties have a reputation for being out of control debauchery thanks to films like 1984’s Bachelor Party and 2009’s The Hangover.
While reality is far more tame, some people feel pressure to live up to the hype. So, the idea of a dry event may result in a mutiny.
A man turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after objecting to his friend’s request for a sober celebration.
DapperDanMan6969 asked:
“AITA for telling people I’m still going to drink at a bachelor party?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“A large group of friends and I are going to Tahoe for 3 nights for a bachelor party/guys trip—we haven’t had one in over 2 years—later this month.”
“Over the last week drama has hit. Primarily by me.”
“I’m 35, male, have a 2-year-old and a 5-month-old. I’m using vacation time and bought a flight 4 months ago to go on this trip.”
“I don’t get out much nowadays with the two kids. I thought a few days with the boys and let loose would be awesome.”
“The groom proposed last spring, and their wedding is this upcoming March. It was revealed this past week that the fiancée is 3 months pregnant.”
“The whole group was shocked but congratulatory. She is going to be pregnant for her wedding.”
“A little while later, the best man informed us that the groom quit drinking when she got pregnant. While they might drink later on in life, it would mean no drinking at the bachelor party.”
“In solidarity, the best man asked we don’t drink also.”
“The gist of what I said was ‘hell, no!’. I spent a lot on this trip already, I’m borrowing future time off to go on this trip.”
“My previous time off was used on my baby. I want to do stuff I’m going to enjoy.”
“I understood that we were going for the groom, but I invested a lot of resources in this trip, and I want to enjoy it. I want to sit at a blackjack table and suck down a half dozen Coronas if my funds last long enough.”
“I’m still going to drink. If I need to get a hotel at Harvey’s or Bally’s, I will.”
“I offered up a day and night to stay sober, but that was not taken well.”
“Half the group agrees with me, a few are indifferent, and a few are backing the groom/best man. The best man has led the charge in calling me an a**hole and telling me I’m being a sh*tty friend.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“AITA for wanting to get drunk at a bachelor party?”
“I might be the a**hole because I want to drink despite it being requested not to happen. I want to let loose with my friends regardless of whether the groom is involved or not.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors reactions were mixed, with some saying the OP was not the a**hole (NTA)…
“I’m gonna say NTA because this was sprung on you after you had already booked everything. You might not have gone to the whole thing if you had known.”
Also maybe it’s cultural, but here being teetotal would be considered a personal choice that you don’t put on other people. Especially in a setting like a casino where having a drink is completely acceptable.” ~ SubparSavant
“‘…groom is not drinking to support his pregnant fiancée…’ who isn’t even going to be there! I can (kinda) see not drinking right in front of her face, but abstaining on a guy’s trip for her sake is silly.”
“And I say that as a woman who’s gone through 4 pregnancies. NTA.” ~ pingsinger
“NTA in my book. I don’t understand why people cannot be happy unless everyone is doing/acting/thinking identical to them.”
“Furthermore, it’s a bachelor party. The bachelor himself should be telling everybody to handle it however they want.”
“The only exception to this is if the groom is in recovery from alcoholism, as I would not want to jeopardize his sobriety.” ~ ILoveRegency
…others saw no a**holes here (NAH)…
“There’s a difference between drinking and getting drunk. Info: OP, are you a bad drunk? Are your friends? Do you tend to do stupid stuff when you drink?”
“I think if the groom knows that his friends get stupid and boorish when drunk, that could make him feel excluded or uncomfortable. The focus should be on him and his enjoyment, so I’d say act accordingly.”
“You want a couple of drinks from the minibar? Cool, they won’t know. But getting sloppy drunk when the groom is sober would mean you value the drinking experience over the friendship.”
“Which is also fine if that’s what you decide, but it will tell you something about yourself. Only you know the truth of how healthy your impulses are. NAH.” ~ birdieelizabeth
“NAH. The groom’s priority for the wedding is going to be him and his wife/fiancée. There are a couple of days you’re allowed to make everything about you & your household—your wedding and your funeral, for example.”
“But it’s also totally valid that you wouldn’t want to go along with this. Especially if you’re not all that close to the people involved, and you’re here more for the event than the people.”
“It could understandably burn some bridges with people in this group, but it’s your call if that’s worth it.”
“You all have reasonable-but-incompatible priorities, and nobody here has any obligation to blink first.” ~ Sminahin
…some said everyone sucked (ESH)…
“ESH, groom for changing the goalposts and expectations for the event after everyone’s RSVPd and booked already; OP for seeing this as an infringement of his rights and his wants.”
“Sometimes showing up for people you love means doing stuff you don’t enjoy or missing out on stuff you love. Ultimately you took PTO and sacrificed time with family and planned a vacation to celebrate your friend, not to midmax your own enjoyment and live out your idea of vacation.”
“I think that’s the only leverage the best man/groom have on OP to a**holize him, that OP’s expectations for this trip are more about his ideas of a good time than the groom’s.”
“The groom has the right to a dry bachelor’s if that’s what he wants. OP is entitled to a vacation doing what he enjoys, ie drinking, if that’s what he wants.”
“Conflating the two wasn’t an issue when they aligned, now this venn diagram is apparently two separate circles. Throw in a multi-day trip (a very hard format to try and micromanage) and no way to make informed choices beforehand, this is a hot mess.”
“I guess it’s up to OP to decide if a dry 72-hour bachelors is something he’d still attend for his friend (to be honest, I would, ‘you can be sober home with the kids,’ but I can equally do a boys night with drinks back home), and for groom/best man to appreciate their last-second decision may cause fallout and non-attendance from some.” ~ lilacshadowsatdusk
“ESH. If you can’t have a good time without a drink, oof, but they shouldn’t be forcing it on you. Guess you’ll have to just eat the cost or cancel and lose a friendship.” ~ Brain124
…and others declaring the OP was alone in his a**holishness (YTA).
“YTA because it isn’t your party, and the host and the person the party is for asked you not to drink at the event. You don’t have to go on the trip and I am sure you can cancel the trip and not use those vacation days and save them for later.”
“This is no different from someone saying they don’t want to be strippers at their bachelor party. Or for them to say they don’t want smoking or drugs at thier bachelor party. You don’t have to be a recovering addict to not want this thing at your event.”
“Nothing about what the host wants is unreasonable. It would be different if it was a boy’s trip because then everyone’s opinion would be truly valued, but on a bachelor trip, the most important opinion is that of the bachelor. If he doesn’t want alcohol at his party then you should honor that.”
“Truth be told it sounds like you are only using him and the bachelor party to get away from your kids. Without the bachelor party I doubt your wife would allow you to go out of town and drink.” ~ CorrectLanguage1410
“YTA. Are you actually going to sit there and drink in a hotel bc that’s what you want to do vs be there with your buddies?”
“That’s sad, though. I hope you reconsider.” ~ erictho
“YTA. If drinking is more important to you than spending time with your friends, that tells me all I need to know about you as a person and friend. It’s about the future groom, not you.” ~ CloseToTheSun10
“YTA. Everyone who downvotes this comment needs to seriously reconsider their relationship with alcohol.” ~ drake22
“Damn, I forget how much people can’t enjoy themselves without alcohol. YTA. I would have no problem respecting the groom’s wishes. But I party hard sober.” ~ tinsleyx
“YTA for being obtuse and being over-invested in alcohol as your gateway to fun. Please consider that one or more of your friends (the groom and maybe others) are trying not to drink.”
“Maybe they’ve had alcohol problems worse than yours and are using the pregnant fiancée as an excuse. Whatever the reason, you’ve gone on an absolute tantrum instead of thinking or asking any kind questions.”
“Yes, you are using money and time for this trip, but it’s not only about you. Is it at all possible to enjoy time with your friends, consider supporting them, and maybe see if staying sober improves your win rate at gambling?” ~ Atala9ta
The OP certainly has plenty of opinions to choose from. Hopefully he finds a solution that doesn’t torpedo his friendships.