No matter the profession, people at work don’t always get along with everybody.
It’s best to avoid the coworkers who don’t respect you for whatever reason. But that can be challenging when you’re inevitably bound to be in the same room with one another.
Redditor AITApregnantshirt is a nurse who works with someone who despises her and found herself reacting to a situation that caused drama at work.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for making fun of a heavily pregnant woman’s shirt?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am a nurse, and one of the senior doctors at my department really hates me.”
“She calls me stupid, berates me and calls me an idiot in front of patients and other staff members, and even makes fun of my clothes when I change out of my work stuff.”
“Dr is heavily pregnant and is on maternity leave. However, she came in today to drop off some paperwork as well as to have a catch up with some of the colleagues before she gives birth.”
“I will admit that as much as I hate her, Dr is a very stylish woman. She wears these gorgeous suits or work dresses and designer heels and everything. She does have good taste.”
“I had no interest in seeing her when she showed up, but I went into the staff room for my break when Dr was chatting to some of the others. She loudly said ‘ugh’ when she saw me.”
“Dr didn’t look like her usual self. She was wearing tracksuit bottoms and a t shirt that belonged to her boyfriend (I’ve seen him wearing it when he picked her up from work a couple times). She’s pregnant. Fair enough.”
“However she soon loudly asked if I was going to wear my ‘tramp clothes’ when my shift ended.”
“I responded ‘at least my shirt fits me.’ This shocked everyone, and later one of the other nurses said what I said was ‘disgusting’ for making fun of Dr’s pregnancy and baby bump.”
“WTF? OK, maybe it would have been better to just not take the bait, but I never made fun of her for being pregnant.”
“I was making fun of her because she’s normally Little Miss Fashionable and tries to make fun of my clothes, but was now stuck in her boyfriend’s shirt which was way too big for her.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors weighed in with their thoughts and many of them did not fully support the OP’s reaction.
“ESH – honestly, I’m embarrassed for the both of you. Two grown adults making fun of each others clothing choices, gosh.”
“WHY OH WHY if this doctor continuously harasses, berates, and insults you in front of your coworkers and patients have you not escalated this to HR yet???”
“I totally understand why you are so angry at her and that’s why the comment came out, but you really could do so much more to help yourself here.” – soundlikebutactually
“ESH. Her behaviour is inappropriate. Your behaviour is inappropriate.”
“Grow up and behave like the professionals you are supposed to be.”
“BTW – you are missing a trick here if you really find the way she treats you to be demeaning and she genuinely bullies you by saying things like that. Spend a few weeks making a note of each comment – the exact time and who was there to witness it, then take it to the head of department.”
“All large institutions have pretty ironclad anti-bullying policies, as will her professional organisation: she would have to report that she was under investigation for workplace bullying etc.” – drawing_goblin
“She started it, but mocking a pregnant lady for how her clothes fit is never ever a good look, and is the kind of fodder for a viscous rumor that’s gonna make you look fully evil.”
“This could spin out of your control fast.” – Music_withRocks_In
“Plus the whole idea of ‘oh the other person deserved it’ more or less flies out the window when other people have to witness the scene. Whether it’s in a workplace, on a bus, or at a family event, when someone is an AH to you and you respond in kind, everyone else is intensely uncomfortable just so you can get a zinger in.”
“There are ways to deal with a-holes without being one, and if you are in a public place, you owe it to the people around you to not be another a-hole.” – etds3
“So we need a, NTA, JADA (just a dumbass) tag? Although that seems a bit mean put that way. Fully agreed, OP, how you handled this left….a lot to be desired.”
“Not saying you were wrong to finally snap—most of us have been there—but in a professional setting, document, document, document. The fact you lashed out, (in public no less!), isn’t going to look good. Having been in a -very- hostile work environment, in the medical field, with a bullying boss who openly threatened to rip my guts out IN FRONT OF MY COWORKERS, there were better ways to handle this OP.”
“You may have basically screwed yourself out of being taken seriously by your higher-ups.” – SmolOracle
“ESH. Grow up, both of you. A nurse and a doctor, two highly educated professionals, bickering like teenagers. How embarrassing.” – devlin94
“ESH. You’re both medical professionals and are acting like immature high school students. I’m shocked a patient/patients haven’t complained about this behavior.”
“And how do you figure you didn’t make fun of her for being pregnant?”
“You tried (unsuccessfully) to defend yourself by saying:
‘I was making fun of her because she’s normally Little Miss Fashionable and tries to make fun of my clothes, but was now stuck in her boyfriend’s shirt which was way too big for her.’
“And WHY is she stuck wearing her boyfriend’s shirt? Because she’s pregnant.” – Sita418
Most Redditors thought everyone was in the wrong here and agreed the OP didn’t help matters by engaging with the doctor.
One Redditor who was curious about the doctor’s hostility towards the OP said:
“ESH- you did make fun of her for being pregnant, not her shirt. Actually, you made fun of her weight while pregnant so even worse.”
“INFO- I feel like there is more, what started the whole she hates your guts?” – Critical_Success_520
The OP replied:
“She shouted at me in front of a patient and said I was too dumb to be a nurse. Even the patient told her to chill out.”
“I stuck up for myself and ever since then she’s been making my life miserable.”