Sometimes, the truth can hurt.
But more often than not, people need to hear the truth.
Particularly if they find themselves in a situation which puts their health and/or safety at risk.
The step-sister of Redditor New_Needleworker4574 was spiraling down a fairly dangerous path, and asked the original poster (OP) about what the future might have in store for her.
But the OP’s step-sister found what they had to say far more hurtful than they did helpful.
Wondering if they had spoken out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for being honest with my stepsister?”
The OP shared how after struggling with ongoing issues regarding her health, their stepsister turned to her for help, but was less than appreciative of what the OP had to say.
“My stepsister is 26 and, just because I’ve known her since she was like 3, I actually view her as a biological sister and we’re super close.’
“From the time she was about 16 until now, she’s just been adding weight on and adding weight on.”
“My dad and her mom have taken her to see doctors and see if it wasn’t a pcos or thyroid thing, it wasn’t.”
“She’s been open and honest with everyone that, what happens is/was is she goes out with friends, eats poorly, and then just keeps that rolling and rolling, and theres drinking in there too.”
“Now, for as honest and self aware as she can be, she can also be pretty, I guess, in denial.”
“She’ll text me and ask me to shopping with her as her pants no longer fit and she claims she has no clue why.”
“On Saturday, while I was helping her decorate her new apartment, she just started pouring out to me how much she weighs now, middle 240s, she’s only 5’5, how she just can’t stop eating.”
“We’ve had these talks in the past and they lead 1 of 2 ways.”
“1) she tries a diet or 2) she champions body positivity and says she’s fine at her weight.”
“On this particular day, she ended her outpouring by asking me what was going to happen if she kept going down this path.”
“Initially I thought it was a pretty obvious question but, I decided that she’s just really worried and not thinking that through.”
“I told her if she keeps going how she’s going, she’ll probably be at risk for health issues, her QOL( quality of life) won’t be great.”
“Her body will just keep getting heavier and wider and her clothes will all just keep getting tighter and tighter until they stop fitting.”
“I told her I didn’t want that for her and wanted to see her get healthier.”
“She told me I painted a gloomy future and asked me to leave much sooner than I think she originally expected to.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was unanimously agreed that the OP did absolutely the right thing in telling their step-sister the truth, and was not the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s stepsister needed to hear the truth, no matter how hard it must have been for her to hear.
“NTA you were honest and didn’t intend to hurt her, but I think she may actually need help.”
“I’m no professional, but sounds like binge eating disorder.”- TheyDont_Know_WeKnow
“She asked a question you answered.”
“Doesn’t seem like you were judgy or condescending.”
“You stated the probable facts.”
“The truth hurts sometimes, but she has to deal with it at some point.”- meancrochethook
“Heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, arthritis, liver disease, arterial schlerosis.”
“There are probably 50 different health ailments tied to obesity!”
“Yeah, she reacted that way because she already knew the answer but wanted someone to placate her and tell her it was no big deal.”- FunkU247365
“People do this sh*t all the time.”
“They ask a question and don’t want a straight answer they just want you to tell them what they want to hear.”
“You know what happened when you tell them what they want to hear?”
“Things get worse and they blame you instead of themselves.”
“I’m all for body positivity I mean just cause you’re a twig doesn’t mean you’re healthy.”
“If you like being bigger or are just comfortable the way you are fuck it live your life happy the way you are.”
“But the problem with the body positivity movement is we are brushing aside the fact that while you shouldn’t be ridiculed for being bigger it doesn’t change that it is an unhealthy way to live.”
“I watched my mother eat herself to death cause of depression.”
“I never once thought of her as ugly she will always be the most beautiful human I have ever seen but watching her as a child committing slow suicide is something I would wish upon no one.”
“You told her the truth that takes more love than a lie cause a lie is selfish cause you’re doing it in fear of what will happen to you and not what will happen to her.”- anatall777
“You’re correct in telling her the truth.”
“She is at risk for heart disease and pre-diabetes, as examples of health issues.”
“What she needs is regular exercise, even if it’s walking around block, diet modification, eat celery, carrots or broccoli when going out with friends and engage with a therapist, a non partial support person.”
“She can lose weight, not overnight, but in a year she can be a new and completely different, figuratively person.”
“Good luck to her, the work, discipline and patience isn’t easy but worth it.”- AwardOk1534
“I don’t think anything you said was rude or over the top at all, it was actually very softly but truthfully delivered.”
“Your family tried to see if this was a physical issue, and it’s not.”
“Now it’s time to see if it’s a mental one by encouraging her, gently, to see a therapist who can help her get to the bottom of her eating disorder.”- ASleepandAForgetting
“She asked what would happen down this path.”
“‘This path’ IS gloomy.”
“If she wanted clear skies she should have asked ‘Is there another path?’.”- disruptionisbliss
There were a few, however, who were sympathetic to the OP’s stepsister, feeling that her issues are likely much bigger than she even realizes, making it hard for her to make any changes, and that the OP might have chosen her words a bit more carefully, even if she ultimately did the right thing.
“It sounds like a difficult conversation and she was hurt afterward, that doesn’t make you an AH, it makes you someone willing to have hard conversations.”- Extension-Guess5911
“When people ask for the truth, they rarely want it.”
“But, of course, you can’t predict all rainbows and unicorns when your opinion is asked.”
“But do try to keep away from these kinds of conversations in the future.”
“Redirect to something like, what do you think or what do you plan to do or what does your doctor say or what have you tried?”
‘I’m fat (240) and over 60 with various medical problems.”
“The doctors aren’t positive if the problems came from pcos andhypothyroidism or being fat came from the medical problems.”
“But people that say dieting is easy or simply push yourself from the table or other stupidity enrage me.”
“You can’t say or do anything that will make it better.”
“Just let her know that you love and if she asks your help with something specific, you’ll do your best.”- Unfair_Ad_4470
“She probably asked you to leave because she needed to cope with hearing what she was already afraid of.”
“It does sound like she needs some help and is hopefully starting to realize that.”
“Perhaps, if she brings the matter up again, you can offer to help her look for professional help, like a nutritional therapist?”- livvy_granger
“I feel like that was a moment where she wasn’t asking you to tell her the details of what happens if she keeps getting fatter.”
“As you said, she knows the answer to that question and you detailing it for her was never actually going to be helpful.”
“It seems pretty clear that she was crying out for help and your matter of fact and depressing response, while probably true, wasn’t what she needed.”
“It definitely sounds like there are probably some mental health things that need to be addressed here and she needs support and encouragement from her family.”- hannahkelli
It’s entirely possible that the OP’s step-sister turned to the OP for validation and assurance that she had nothing to worry about.
But even if the OP’s answer was not what she wanted to hear, let’s hope she will eventually heed her warnings
As the OP answer was not at all out of malice or spite, but out of genuine concern and love.