A lot of thought goes into choosing a name for one’s child.
All parents come up with a preliminary list, before narrowing it down to a name both parents find suitable.
But that chosen name might go out the window when they meet their child, as they might decide their personality is more becoming of a different name.
Then too, even after giving their children a name which can be found on their birth certificate, they might begin to address that child by something completely different in only a matter of time.
Such was the case for Redditor notmyllegs, who gave their infant son a nickname which became his all but official name in the household.
Indeed, when a friend of the original poster (OP) came to play with their son, they wouldn’t accept her calling him by any other name, even his legally given name.
Eventually leading to some tension between the friends.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my friend to stop referring to my son by full time?”
The OP explained how they did not appreciate their friend addressing their child by a certain name, nor did their friend appreciate the way the OP spoke to her.
“We call my son Benji.”
“His full name is Benjamin.”
“My friend came over for a visit and my son, 18months, was ignoring her.”
“She went and crouched down in front of him and waved and he just walked away from her.”
“She started to laugh and just said ‘I can’t believe you Benjamin’.”
“I said we call him Benji in the house you know that.”
“So he eventually warmed up to her and she was calling him Benji like she’s supposed to, and they were having a blast playing when my son suddenly took all the cars and ran behind the couch.”
“She did that ‘gasping’ again and said ‘Benjamin how could you?'”
“My son thought it was funny and thought nothing of it but I was really annoyed because I already asked her not to call him that. I flatly said stop calling him that.”
“She mumbled a sorry then suddenly she had to go.”
“I told her that we were ok she didn’t have to leave, but she said “something came up ‘but I’ve known her so long i knew she was lying then she awkwardly left.”
“My husband said I’m TA but I think I was I was just standing my ground.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who felt they were fairly clearly the a**hole for the way they spoke to their friends.
Everyone agreed that the OP completely overreacted to her friend calling her son by his given name, wondering why they even gave him that name if it bothered them so much.
“Better get ready to be shocked and infuriated every time someone sees your son’s name.”
“And calls him by his name, for the rest of his life.”
“YTA.”- Background-Aioli4709
“YTA idk what to say, be normal.”- Business-Nebula-5889
“YTA.”
“Why did you name him Benjamin if you never wanted anyone to call him that under any circumstances whatsoever?”
“If he has a problem with it or preference when he’s old enough to express one for himself, he can express it then, and you can step in if your friend refuses to adapt.”
“But right now, he doesn’t care, so I’m more than a little baffled why you do.”- mm172
“YTA.”
“She is jokingly calling him by his first name when he did something that would be considered rude if a teenager did it.”
“Did your parents never call you by your full name or first and middle name when you did something rude or weren’t listening?”- TranslatorBoth1648
“I often see these scenarios where parents don’t want their kids’ names shortened into nicknames.”
“I can’t wrap my head around why you wouldn’t want your kid to be called by the name YOU gave him at birth.”
“Very odd.”- Minute-Estimate-2945
“YTA.”
“If you wanted your child exclusively called Benji.”
“You shouldn’t have named him Benjamin.”
“Your friend was literally addressing your child by his name.”
“It wasn’t like she decided he looked more like a Jason and started calling him Jason.”- Bitter-Conflict-4089
“YTA.”
‘His name is Benjamin.’
‘His nickname is Benji.”
“People are going to call him by both names his entire life.”
“You need to get over it.”- Ranos131
“Why did you name your child Benjamin if you do not want him to be called that?”- devlin94
“Why on Earth do you care so much?”- LoupGarou95
“YTA.”
“What a stupid thing to be mad about.”
‘Why name your kid Benjamin and then forbid people from calling him that?”
“Like it or not that is his name and if you get triggered from hearing that’s something you need to work on yourself.”
“Don’t lash out at people for using the name he was given.”
“You’re gonna be hearing it the rest of your life, so better you fucking deal with it now.”-TheAshenDemon4
“YTA.”
“Do you plan on correcting every stranger, teacher, acquaintance, doctors office for the rest of his life?”
“If you didn’t like the name you shouldn’t have agreed to it you weirdo.”- Plumbus-Grab-816
“YTA why name your child, a name you don’t want people calling him?”- sammiedodgers
“YTA.”
“If this is all you’ve got to complain about, you have a charmed life.”- Walesgurl
“Why even name him Benjamin if you don’t like it?”
“How old are you?”
“You seem too childish to even have a child.”
“Yta!”- RowenaStarr13
“Why is it a big deal if your friend calls your son by his full name?”
“What are you planning to do if he prefers his full name and not Benji?”- FancyPantsDancer
“What are you gonna do if one day he decides he wants to go by Benjamin?”
“You’re gonna refuse and keep calling him Benji because of your own feelings?”
“YTA.”
“If you didn’t want him ever called Benjamin, you should have refused to name him Benjamin.”
“He’s gonna be called Benjamin by every person who has access to his official name.”
“You better get used to it.”- Waury
“YTA.”
“How dare she call your son by his name.”- chrisnj5
“YTA.”
“If you wanted him called Benji, you should have made that his real name, not the full name of Benjamin.”
“Most people swap between the nickname and full first name, especially as your friend did, often to express disapproval for bad behavior.”
“He’s going to be called by both names throughout his life, he and you should get used to it since you did not make that clear in the beginning.”- KarmaWillGetYa
“YTA.”
“If you hated the name that much you should have never agreed to it in the first place.”
“But what you don’t get to do is snap at people for USING HIS GIVEN NAME.”-The__Riker__Maneuver
“You are going to have a looooong road ahead of you if you get precious about people calling your son by his legal name.”
“YTA.”- HRHDechessNapsaLot
“You’ve chosen a ground that will be hard to defend, as time passes.”
“OP, his name is Benjamin.”
“You want him called Benji.”
“Someday he could decide he prefers Ben or Benny or, god forbid, Benjamin.”
“In 3 years, he might decide he will only answer to Optimus Prime then what will you do?”- Sidneyreb
“YTA.’
“she called your son by his name, you scolded her more than once for using the name you gave him, and then are offended she faked having to leave?!”
“You may be the ruler of your own home but you are definitely a petty tyrant.”
“YTA.”- DumbestManEver
“Yeah YTA.”
“Blame your husband if you want but you still named him Benjamin, you gonna harass all his future teachers to call him Benji too?”
“What if he ends up like his full name will you forbid it?”- Layli2020
The OP eventually returned with an update, giving some insight regarding their son’s name, while also confessing that they may not have behaved as well as they could have.
“I don’t like him called Benjamin because it’s a family name that my husband insisted on that I’m not fond of.”
“I get it. I’m wrong.”
“My husband did not bully me into the name.”
“Was the name of a family member that he was close to that had a tragic death.”
“It was to pay tribute and I was ok with it.”
“I’m still not fond of it.”
One can at least appreciate that the OP was willing to put their feelings aside, and give her son a name they didn’t like as a favor to her husband.
However, if it was a name they didn’t like to such an extent they didn’t want him addressed by it, maybe they should have thought twice before agreeing to it?
One thing the OP should not think twice about, however, is offering their friend the apology she deserves.