From the very minute they’re born, many parents have a vision of their children’s future.
Of course, all a parent should want first and foremost is for their children to be safe and happy.
But sometimes, they can’t help but wish they will pursue a specific career path, be it their own or one they might have once briefly considered.
Redditor PowerfulAd2907 went a step further in expressing their hopes for their daughter’s choice of career, and made no secret of it.
Things became tense, however, when the original poster (OP) tried to persuade their daughter away from career areas they expressed interest in, resulting in their daughter’s anger.
Wondering if they had gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ‘picking’ my daughter’s career for her?”
The OP explained how they felt their daughter should follow a career known to be lucrative. They expressed their fears of how their daughter’s condition might mean she isn’t cut out for the career path she had in mind for herself.
“My daughter (17 F[emale]) has always been a smart girl.”
“She has a huge potential future available for her.”
“She has the ability to become one of the greatest data scientists ever.”
“It’s an incredibly rewarding job for her, especially since technology is the way to go for the future and the country we live in is expensive.”
“As a computer scientist myself, I’ve always loved my job.”
“However, she does not want to be one.”
“I’ve been influencing her since she was 10.”
“She was initially excited but doesn’t want to anymore.”
“She took 2 tech classes in grades 9 and 10 and she isn’t taking one in 11th or 12th grade.”
“She says that she wants to be a psychologist and now wants to have a business major.”
“I don’t think it’s a right fit for her, the former because she doesn’t have the social skills needed to become a psychologist, she’s autistic.”
“Hell, she couldn’t handle her brothers well, how is she supposed to deal with adults with psychological issues?”
“The latter as well because it involves dealing with people that can be immature as hell.”
“Also she took a business course in grade 10 and she ended up not liking it so why would she take an entire university program.”
“Yesterday, we sat down and were looking at potential programs.”
“She picked a few from bachelor of commerce programs.”
“I tried pushing her to pick the bachelor of computer science programs.”
“At the end, she asked if I would support her no matter what she picks.”
“I laughed at told her not to give me a scare.”
“‘So it’s a no then?’she asked.”
“I told her that she can take her highlighter, highlight the programs she’s interested in, and we can discuss.”
“She said that I criticize every program that isn’t tech related.”
“I tried convincing her that the tech field is a very rewarding field and she is smart and capable and then she snapped.”
“She said that she doesn’t care if it’s a gold mine and she’s capable enough to handle it, she hates the computer tech field and I’ve been forcing her to do it for a long time.”
“She says it’s her future, not mine, and not everyone wants to be a tech scientist.”
“She asked how I feel if my father tried to push me to the law field since it’s a rewarding job despite me having no interest in social sciences.”
“Then she stormed out.”
“At that point, I realize that I may have pushed her too hard.”
“I just want to her to have a bright future and no struggles.”
“But I guess I went about it the wrong way.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The community agreed with the OP that she did, indeed, push too hard, and was definitely the a**hole for pressuring her daughter into a career in tech.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s daughter is the only person who should have a say in her career choice, with many expressing how the fact she is autistic should have no bearing on her desired professions.
“YTA.”
“You cannot force her to live the life you want for her.”
“She’s her own person and you need to realize that and act accordingly or you will lose her.”-GothPenguin
“YTA but it’s obvious you know that…given all the scientific data.”- claireclairey
“YTA.”
“Let your daughter be who she wants to be, not what you want her to be.”
“That just sets her up for failure and unhappiness.”- InvestigatorLive1746
“YTA.”
“Awww sorry your kid doesn’t want to be EXACTLY LIKE YOU.”
“She’s her own person, so let her be.”- guessmyageidareyou
“Well this is BS.”
“I work with a lot of autistic people and they have excellent social skills and psychology with its prejudice against ND people would really benefit from her expertise.”
“I also want to add that psychology is a data based discipline and so someone with data skills would excel and could move into academia.”
“Imagine how much an autistic person would benefit from being cared for by your daughter.”
“You don’t understand people at all.”
“YTA.”-Jess1ca1467
“YTA.”
“You got to live your own life and make your own choices.”
“You DO NOT get to live someone else’s life too.”
“Stop it.”
“Just stop.”
“You have already ruined any chance your daughter will choose the career you pushed.”
“You are close to ruining every chance of a relationship with your daughter.”
“Stop.”
“Now.”
“Back off 100%.”
“Let her take a variety of intro classes even if it means an extra semester.”
“Let her discover her own passion.”
“And shut the hell up.”- Desert_Sea_4998
“YTA.”
“Autistic people can be psychologists and honestly I’m surprised it took her this long to tell you to in the politest way I can say it, do one.”- IAmAStressedMess
“YTA.”
“Is this even a question?”- Famous_Place9172
“YTA.”
“Please stop this.”
“You will damage her future and your relationship with her if you don’t.”
“My job means I spend a lot of time dealing with students whose parents are forcing them to study Engineering.”
“Some of them can power through.”
“Many can’t, are miserable, and end up dropping out.”
“Parents often have outdated ideas about what will lead to success for their kids.”
“If your daughter has goals, do not get in the way.”
“She’ll work much harder and do better if she is doing something she cares about.”
“Also, she’ll know better than you which fields provide jobs.”
“This is something you want her to do because of you.”
“My guess is that you want to have a daughter who has a certain profession because of how it will make you feel about yourself.”
“Her interactions with her brothers have nothing to do with how she’ll do in a job.”
“She is not aiming to do something crazy or so competitive that she is unlikely to succeed.”
“There are many opportunities in the field she’s interested in.”
“You need to back off.”
“This is her future, not yours.”- Antstst
“YTA.”
“You don’t get to decide what is ‘incredibly rewarding’ for her.”
“Just because you love love your job does not mean she wants any part of it.”
“Your job as a parent is to nurture and support your child, not plan every detail of their lives for them!”- Embarrassed_Hat_2904
“YTA.”
“Been on at her since she was 10, surprised its taken her this long to tell you to GTF.”- Milkybarfkid
“YTA.”
“You cannot force your daughter into a field that she is not happy in.”
“She has given it a chance and is still trying to find what really she wants to do and all she wants from you is to know that you will love her no matter what field she chooses and you laughed at her.”-PurpleBugBull
“YTA.”
“Also autistic people make great psychologists for other autistic people.”
“I wish that I could find one.”
“Neurotypical psychologists keep trying to “cure” my autism and it makes me not want to seek help for my problems.”- LittleFeltSpock
“Why do you care so much?”
“As your daughter pointed out, it’s her future not yours.”- DemonWolf118
“YTA.”
“Your daughter has a very strong handle on what you’re doing wrong by cornering her into making the decision you want.”- readshannontierney
“YTA.”
“Stop limiting her and blaming her autism.”
“As the parent of a college age autistic child, I understand your position.”
“You have to let her to her thing in her way in her time.”
“You can make suggestions but that is it.”
“If you force her to do what you want she will be unhappy and resent you and you will probably damage your relationship beyond repair.”
“Stop it and stop it now.”- eregina3
It’s hard to think of any parent that doesn’t express even the tiniest glimmer of hope that their child might follow their professional footsteps.
But forcing them to do so will not be a happy ending for anyone involved.
Here’s hoping the OP realizes this sooner rather than later, and will be supportive of their daughter in whatever profession they end up choosing.