Globally, the percentage of cars with manual transmissions—the kind that requires the driver to manually shift engine gears—is declining rapidly. Estimates are it’s between 30% – 40% of new car sales, with wide variations from region to region.
Europe still has around 32% of new car sales being manuals, while the U.S. has fewer than 1%.
A man with a manual car he loves turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Sweatypines asked:
“AITA for getting upset that my partner is making me give up my sports car because she can’t drive a manual transmission?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (31, male) and my partner (28, female) are expecting our first child next year.”
“I currently drive a 5 door sedan sports car with a manual transmission. It’s my pride and joy and, ever since I was a kid, I have wanted a car like this and it’s really the only ‘nice’ thing I have.”
“My partner can not drive a manual and, instead of letting me teach her, she said that we need to get rid of it so we each have a car that we can both drive in case of an emergency. My partner has a Holden/Chevy Trax SUV.”
“I totally understand and agree with the logic behind it, but I can’t understand why she won’t learn to drive manual. I am in Australia, where once you are fully licensed, you can drive either. Well in New South Wales at least.”
“If you tested on an automatic, you get a restricted automatic license until you retake the test on a manual to get fully licensed. If you tested on a manual, you get fully licensed to drive both without a separate test.”
“I have confirmed on forums and Facebook groups that a baby seat can fit in the back of my car just fine and the boot/trunk space is big enough for a pram/stroller.”
“The sacrifices she is going through to have our baby both mentally and physically are not lost on me and I am so incredibly proud of her. Maybe I just need a different perspective.”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“Am I the a**hole for getting upset at my pregnant partner because she is making me give up my sports car?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided there were no a**holes here (NAH).
“NAH with caveats.”
“I don’t think it’s unreasonable that OP’s partner doesn’t want to learn stick. It’s really not a relevant skill today (in countries where automatic transmission is the norm, and has been for a long time).”
“I also don’t think OP should have to give up his car just because his partner wants them each to be able to drive each other’s cars.”
“HOWEVER:”
“OP needs to make sure his partner’s car doesn’t become the de facto family car. That might be part of why OP’s partner wants him to get rid of his car: right now, he drives a sports car, his ‘pride and joy’, and it’s not intended to be a family vehicle.”
“OP’s partner drives an SUV.”
“One of those is going to fit a car seat and hold a stroller and diaper bag and all the other paraphernalia of infant care much more easily than the other. I’m betting OP’s partner doesn’t want their car to become the default family car, while OP gets to have a nice car to himself.”
“A common struggle for a lot of new parents is that mom just becomes mom – everything in their life ends up revolving around motherhood. Gifts end up being for baby or for household in general instead of for them. When they have time to ‘themselves’ they’re still expected to be reachable even though there’s another ‘on duty’ parent. Things like that.”
“Meanwhile, dad still gets a life separate from fatherhood. OP’s kid isn’t even born yet, and already this trap is forming.”
“This is all speaking in generalities of course, and is just my opinion on why this might be such a big deal to OP’s partner.” ~ Swirlyflurry
“I don’t know a single multiple car family that doesn’t have a default ‘kid’ car. You could literally drive identical cars, one will be the default.” ~ bikerchickelly
“Pregnancy is also not the ideal time to learn a new skill. Maybe it was just me, but I had bad pregnancy brain and my brain felt like Swiss cheese sometimes.”
“I love, love, love to read but just wanted to watch mindless procedural shows while pregnant. I was so exhausted all the time that grocery shopping felt like climbing Everest.”
“When I got home, all I wanted to do was zone out, and most of my productivity got sucked up by nesting.”
“Learning a new skill that I wasn’t personally invested in would have felt like a huge burden, and I probably would have been super emotional about every time I got something wrong.” ~ Music_withRocks_In
“IF OP wants to keep the non-shareable car, they need to buy a 2nd car seat and install it in the sports car. Swapping seats back and forth is a pain in the a**, and not having to do so makes it more likely that his car will also sometimes be used for the kid.” ~ Frosty-Business-6042
“NAH. You’re not in the wrong for wanting to keep it, especially with it being a 4-door, it’s not like it’s a 2-seater Porsche or something.”
“She’s also not in the wrong though for preferring a vehicle she would be more comfortable driving, especially if she will only be driving it in an emergency-type situation, it only makes sense she wouldn’t want to be distracted by anything, like using a clutch she isn’t accustomed to.”
“Sounds like you guys need to have an adult conversation and find a middle ground for some level of compromise.” ~ Paul-Kersey
“I was in the exact situation as OP. OP is starting a family and it’s time to make some compromises. Get the same car but without a stick shift. Or something else you will enjoy that isn’t a manual.”
“It sounds like a manual transmission car isn’t practical anymore with the current family situation. But that doesn’t mean driving a boring car.” ~ ozziegt
“In my opinion, this one is a toss-up. You are NTA for wanting to keep the car, but it is also reasonable that your wife is not willing to learn manual during such a stressful stage of life.”
“It might seem easy to you, but it sounds like it is very intimidating for her. The last thing she needs now, or during the next several years, is an extra challenge. It might be worth running the numbers about whether two cars are possible, or finding an automatic car that still fits your taste well enough.”
“I like to say that once I had kids, they became both my job and my hobby. I still squeeze some things in where I can, but kids need as much quality time and attention from you as they can get.” ~ Reddit
“If OP keeps his vehicle, he needs to treat it like a family car. That means using his car even if putting the car seat in is annoying and takes longer than just borrowing her vehicle. It also means accepting all the baby/toddler messes that come with kids.”
“OP would he an a** if he tried to make her SUV the go-to vehicle that they use as a family. He doesn’t get to try and protect his car by primarily using hers so hers is the one that ends up messy. He can keep his car, BUT he cannot keep it as a hobby car when he has a kid.”
“If he isn’t prepared to risk milk vomit, explosive diarrhea, goldfish crumbs, and moderate art vandalism to his vehicle…he should sell it now while it’s still unscathed.” ~ thoughtandprayer
“His fun car has room to be the family car too. Just make sure both cars have baby seats in them. When he’s driving, they take his car. When she’s driving, she takes hers.”
“Those who don’t drive manual don’t understand the appeal it has to those who can. They need to come to an agreement that works for both.” ~ Scrapper-Mom
“OMG, this breaks my heart to say because I have a manual car that is my pride and joy, but dude, you are about to create a family.”
“The pride and joy car thing might have to take a backseat for a while. Family comes first.” ~ La-matya-vin
“NAH. But with that in mind, your life is changing and having a second car that your wife may need to drive for whatever reason isn’t an unreasonable thought.”
“Expecting her to learn to drive manual AND retake her driving test to get a license that allows her to drive you ‘pride and joy’ during this period of her life, though, is not only stressful, but it simply is something that many people would never do.”
“And for the amount of time she would use it—never, unless in an emergency—it doesn’t sound like the kind of thing I would want someone to do while panicked or with no experience in driving it for years.”
“I don’t think her request is unreasonable, people make sacrifices all the time when they’re making a life with a partner and family in mind rather than just themselves.” ~ Prestigious_Scars
The OP provided a small update:
“Thank you all for all of the responses, it is honestly overwhelming and I did not expect this kind of response, so thank you for all of the advice and points of view I did not even think about.”
“I have a lot to think about, but at the end of the day the family comes first.”
While the OP hasn’t come to a decision yet, they have plenty of new perspectives to ponder.