As children grow up, parents have highly different views of what they owe their children, and what their children owe them.
Many parents have no trouble financially supporting their children through adulthood.
Others, however, force their children to learn self-sufficency from a very young age.
More often than not, taking their children by surprise.
Redditor Aggravating-Oil2918 was recently rewarded with a substantial financial gift after completing a notable achievement.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP) found the that money had been more or less confiscated by her parents.
While the OP confronted her parents about this, they countered her by saying this money was “owed” to them.
Frustrated and confused by the whole situation, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AIATA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for getting mad at my parents for using the money my grandma gave me for graduation?”
The OP explained why a sum of money ended up coming between her and her parents:
“I (23 F[emale]) have just graduated from university.”
“I’ve always had a close relationship with my grandma and she has given me roughly $1.4k (converted to USD) upon graduation as a gift.”
“As she isn’t really good with tech, she gave my dad cash.”
“My dad said he’ll keep it in his account for the time being.”
“Yesterday I asked for the money as I had something I wanted to buy.”
“My dad told me he has spent it and has nothing to give me at the moment.”
“I know $1.4k isn’t a large sum of money but I currently have no income so it would really help me right now.”
“And what pisses me off the most is that he didn’t even think of asking me before using my money.”
“I had a huge fight with my parents but they think I’m being ungrateful as they’ve spent most of the money on me anyways (living expenses, education etc.)”
“Right now I feel like my trust has been broken by the two people I trusted the most.”
“I used to study abroad so since I have graduated now, I am currently staying at home with my parents, which makes things a lot more complicated.”
“Many of you advised me to tell my grandma about this, which I did.”
“But she isn’t bothered by it as my parents claimed that all the money went to paying for my education etc.”
“I demanded to have less than a third of the money returned by tomorrow.”
“My dad said he had no money, and if he had to pay me, he would have to sell his last gold bar.”
“I’m applying for masters this year, and my parents were gonna sponsor me.”
“But now, my dad is threatening not to do so anymore since I’m demanding my money back.”
“Also, I’m from an Asian country, where being ‘filial’ is highly important, so I don’t know if that changes the context.”
“I’m also wondering if I can take out a student loan in the US as a foreign students to pay for my tuition if my dad does withdraw his offer?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community, for the most part, agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for getting mad at her parents.
Most agreed that the OP’s parents had no right to spend that money, which was gifted specifically to her by her grandmother, with many pointing out that their behavior could be considered theft:
“NTA.”
“Your dad stole from you.”
“Of course you’re NTA.”- DogsReadingBooks
“NTA.”
“$1400 ain’t chicken feed.”
“Not where I’m from.”- death_by_chocolate
“NTA.”
“But I would tell him that you want it by xxx date and no later.”
“Have you by any chance told Grandma yet?”
“I wonder if she’ll give him the kick up the a** he needs.”- OldBoyShenanigans
“NTA.”
“Dad didn’t have to use your money.”
“What would he have done if it hadn’t been there?”- JulsTiger10
“NTA.”
“Your parents quite literally stole your grandmother’s graduation gift from you.”- Individual_Ad_9213
“NTA.”
“Your dad stole your graduation gift.”
“Tell him if he doesn’t give it back in xx days, you’ll notify grandma.”- Heavy-Equipment8389
“NTA.”
“It was never their money to spend.”
“Disgusting behavior.”- mu5tbetheone
“NTA.”
“I’d tell your grandma that your dad stole every single cent she gave you.”
“Not because she’ll give you more money, but so that she knows to tell him to f*ck off if he ever asks her for money for anything.”- JenninMiami
“NTA.”
“Your father committed breach of trust, which is a literal crime in a lot of places.”- RedRunner04
“NTA.”
“Understandably, you’re upset. The money was meant as a personal gift to celebrate your achievement.”
“Your parents may have good intentions, but using it without asking breaks trust.”
“You’re not ungrateful for wanting what was given to you.”- Pretend-Gap9156
“NTA.”
“But you are getting terrible advice here.”
“Your parents have supported you through your education and will do so for your next course.”
“This isn’t cheap, so calling the police or playing hardball really isn’t a good idea for you.”
“You’ll lose far more money.”
“You may just have to suck it up and take it as a lesson learned about your parents.”
“If they needed or wanted the money to fund your education, then they should have discussed it with you first.”
“Remember everything else that they are doing for you and try to put it aside.”-Dbx9935
There were a few, however, who felt there was something to be learned by both the OP and her parent, feeling her parents did have a point about having spent a good deal of money on her, but still feeling they shouldn’t have spent her money without talking with her about it first:
“ESH.”
“Everyone here is telling you to call the cops, like it wouldn’t have blowback.”
“Best case being you get the money with your parents being mildly shitty with their new criminal record.”
“Worst case, they disown and kick you out, and you’re begging grandma to take you in.”
“Parents suck for using your money hard to judge how much because they claim to have used it for well you.”
“You haven’t refuted that, and he hasn’t said he will never pay you back.”
“Grandma might have to reeducate her son and needs to update her banking skills.”
“This situation would have been avoided if you had visited her more.”
“You’re 23, jobless, probably have college debt, and living rent-free with your parents.”
“I’m also questioning your close grandma relationship if you already spending the money in your mind without even considering spending it on grandma in anyway.”
“You got a lot adulting to do and fast.”- DoinFine2
“Your dad certainly should have informed you, but I want to give some perspective for people who say parents are obliged to provide the necessities of life and education.”
“University is often not part of that obligation, and graduate school most certainly isn’t.”
“OP said she studied abroad, and she seems to be talking about the US by default, so I’m assuming she went to university there.”
“As an international student, that’s roughly $160k USD in tuition alone, $240k USD when living and other expenses are included.”
“For self-funded master’s degree, add another $100k USD in tuition alone.”
“Now, I don’t know how your parents plan on funding your master’s studies if your dad only has a single gold bar to his name so I assume that part’s just hyperbole.”
“However, in most countries, your parents weren’t really obliged to fund your university studies, and they’re certainly not obliged to fund your master’s.”
“Most people who go to graduate school are expected to be independent adults and either fund it from their own savings, or get an assistantship which usually comes with a tuition waiver and stipend.”
“ESH.”
“What your dad did is still really disrespectful, but $1.4k is absolutely spare change compared to the amount of money that you were planning to ask him for.”
“You’re raising hell over $1.4k while simultaneously planning to ask your parents to give you another $100k, for a luxury that parents are generally not expected to have to pay for.”
“By all means, distance yourself from your family if you want, but you shouldn’t be asking for any more free money.”- LHPSU
The OP is indeed in a luckier situation than most, having parents who were willing and able to pay for her education.
Even so, rather than spend the money gifted to her by her grandmother, the OP’s parents could have urged her to use that money as a way to get started in life.
At the end of the day, though, all this could have been avoided with a simple conversation.
Hopefully, these problems can be solved that way instead.