It's not fun to think about, but some relationships are not destined to work out, simply because we like different things.
And sometimes those different things, like tattoos or a certain type of music, would be impossible to live with in the long-term, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Exciting-Stage-7167 was not fully opposed to tattoos, but she was firmly against tattoos that appear above the shirt collar, either on the neck or on the face.
So, as much fun as she was having in her new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) just did not think she could keep dating her boyfriend if he decided to get a neck tattoo.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by leaving my boyfriend over a throat tattoo?"
The OP started dating a new guy, and things were going well.
"I (25 Female) started seeing this guy (24 Male), and everything was great."
"We had our arguments, etc., but we would talk it out and get through it."
That was until the tattoo conversation came up.
"Well, he texted me today, saying that he's getting a new tattoo."
"Okay, cool. I have ink myself (five, actually), and I love my pieces."
"But he wants it on his throat. It will be massive and all black ink."
"That's a deal breaker for me. Anything above a shirt collar or on the face is a deal breaker."
"Arms are fine. Just above the shirt collar."
"It also came completely out of the blue. He never once brought this up before that he was thinking of getting a neck tattoo, not until he texted me about it."
The OP didn't know if the relationship could continue.
"I explained that to him and was polite about it."
"He wasn't happy."
"I said I won't stop him from getting it, as that is his choice, but I cannot be with someone who has a throat tattoo."
"Am I wrong? Or is this just a case of not being the right match?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some agreed with the OP that they didn't think they would date someone with a neck or throat tattoo, either.
"I would not want to date someone with a neck or face tattoo. I don’t think it’s attractive."
"Let’s be honest here. It’s only recently that neck tattoos have become more common for non-bikers, gang members, or criminals. There are still negative attitudes and discrimination socially and professionally based on neck and face tattoos, and even if you're okay with how they look, it could impact your partner's ability to get a job, making your financial situation more unstable." - BeckonMe
"NOR. Preferences are preferences. In the same way that if a guy I was seeing suddenly took up smoking cigarettes, or went super right-wing. We all have our boundaries, and that just so happened to be one of yours."
"I don't know what your reasoning is, but even if it is superficial, then it is what it is. He’s got the right to get the tattoo, and you’ve got the right to not want to look at it. You’re both young. You’ll find someone without a neck tattoo, and he’ll find someone that can appreciate the one he has." - heymookie
"You’re totally fair. He can do what he wants with his body, but you certainly can say it’s not for you. I noped out of a night with someone because of a very graphic (and in my opinion gross) tattoo." - tiredgummybear
"Once I dated a guy, who told me (just a few weeks in) that he sometimes, occasionally, shoots up a little heroin, you know, just with certain friends ... sometimes, and it's really no big deal, really, it's not. He says."
"I immediately broke up with him, explaining that heroin use, no matter how casual, was an absolute, non-negotiable deal breaker for me. I also simply didn't believe his assessments of his own use, so that was another deal breaker. I didn't get into that with him because it wasn't worth any further discussion. I was done. Biggest ick ever, I didn't even want to look at him after."
"He, too, thought I was overreacting, that I was being silly, because using heroin is not that big of a deal. But he had already lost all credibility, and I didn't care about his justifications or opinions."
"No 'Ragrets.' Trust your gut and ignore anyone who bulldozes your boundaries." - -Maris-
"If it's a dealbreaker, then that's it. We all have our limits of what we're going to accept."
"My daughter-in-law hates tattoos... any tattoos. When she started dating my son, he had two, one on his arm and one on his chest. She didn't know if she could continue dating him."
"She got past it, but I don't think it would fly if he got more, and it's not that important to him to keep getting inked, so the current situation works for them."
"Obviously, getting a neck tattoo is more important to him than a relationship with you. That should tell you something. It's his choice to get it if he wants. It's your choice to walk away if he does."
"NOR." - KathAlMyPal
Other Redditors pointed out that it was just as much the OP's right to not want to date the guy if he got the tattoo as it was his right to get the tattoo, and if their relationship couldn't work because of it, that was okay.
"If it's a dealbreaker for you, then it's a dealbreaker. No one else can change your mind."
"You can decide to break up over it just as much as he can decide to get it."
"Neither of you is wrong for your decision. Your decisions just aren't compatible." - Which_Upstairs7449
"There’s nothing wrong about a dealbreaker. We all have dealbreakers." - Manatee369
"Honestly, at least he knows what the deal breaker is. She has the right to (as anyone else does) to just be like, 'You are a no,' and leave. NOR." - wet_socks_on_carpet
"Dealbreakers aren't a bad thing, same with boundaries (which dealbreakers are boundaries in themselves)."
"You know what works for you, what doesn't. If a person you're interested in can't respect it, then they're probably not the person for you."
"Absolutely still their choice too, but it is 100% OP's right to determine what they feel is right for them." - Revan462222
"Neither of you is in the wrong. You aren't compatible. Simple."
"It's a sad story and a sad ending, but if you can't come around and support his personal life choices, and he won't choose to do something he wants to do with himself or his life for your sake, then I guess it just won't work."
"You both have the right to like and dislike whatever you want." - Loaded-Excrement
"I would say whether you’re overreacting depends on how long you’ve been together and how serious the relationship is."
"Together for a few months? Boy, bye!"
"If this is a serious relationship of many years, though, it’s a lot tougher. If you were married with kids, would you leave over a throat tattoo? I think that would be overreacting." - Western-Finding-368
"It sounds like this is a new relationship, and that this is just a new development that came up, and for that, I don't think you're overreacting at all."
"How invested you are really does matter. I wouldn’t be thrilled if my wife got a neck or face tattoo, but we’ve been together over a decade, have four children, have a home, and have built a life together. I’d probably be p**sed for a while, but I’d have to get over it because we built a life together, and at the end of the day, it is her body."
"I’d only have so much say, and I have too much love and respect for her for that to dissolve over some ink." - Serpacorp
"My first thought was she can’t be that in love with him if this is a dealbreaker, which is okay. They could be new or having fun, which is okay."
"However, where I live, it’s not even something you would look twice at, so I can’t pretend to understand OP’s culture or beliefs when it comes to this."
"My husband has no tattoos, but if, for some reason, he decided to get a neck one out of the blue, I’d still love him the same." - DueFace8049
"NOR. It's a preference thing, if you don't want to date someone with a throat tattoo, it makes sense to break up over this." - Sea_Willingness3986
"He's not the one. Because if I were head over heels in love with someone, there's no way I'd leave them over a tattoo being in a spot I didn't care for."
"Also, it's kinda weird to me that tattoos themselves aren't a deal breaker, but it's the location of the tattoo. So it's not like it's something you're morally or completely against, it's just the location you don't like."
"But I guess we all have deal breakers, and a deal breaker is a deal breaker, so who am I to judge."
"Not trying to be judgmental, I just found it a little odd."
"But yeah, if that's an actual deal breaker, then stick to it, because a dealbreaker is like a no questions asked, there's no changing your mind type thing, because it's that serious." - MackenzieMay5
It might seem puzzling to some Redditors why Redditor Exciting-Stage-7167 was so strongly opposed to neck and face tattoos that she would end a good relationship over her boyfriend getting one, but someone might play devil's advocate and question why the boyfriend wanted one so badly that it was worth jeopardizing their relationship.
Ultimately, they were allowed to like and want different things, and since it sounded like their relationship was fairly new, it was better for them to find out now in the new and fun stage, so that the OP could find someone who agreed with her about tattoos and so her boyfriend could find someone who would love him even more for having one.
