Betrayal comes in many shapes and forms.
Some betrayals can be vicious and painful. Others are just petty and mean-spirited.
No matter the level of wrongdoing, mutual trust is almost always ruined.
And acts of betrayal carry consequences.
Redditor IntrepidHunter5993 wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
"AITA for reporting my friend to the university after he cheated using my notes?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (22 M[ale]) am in med school and have this friend, let's call him Jake."
"We've studied together a few times, and I shared my annotated notes with him before a big exam."
"I made them myself, with diagrams, explanations, and even some mnemonics I came up with."
"A few weeks later, one of our professors used one of my made-up mnemonics in a lecture, crediting 'an anonymous student.'"
"I was confused."
"Turns out Jake had submitted my notes (with his name on them) to the professor's 'student tips' portal, where students can share study tips for extra credit."
"He didn't even mention me."
"I confronted him, he brushed it off and said, 'It's just notes, chill.'"
"So I reported it to the academic honesty office since it technically falls under plagiarism."
"Now he's under investigation and might lose the extra credit — or worse."
"Our mutual friends are calling me petty and saying I could've just talked to him."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
NTA - Not The A**hole
YTA – You're The A**hole
NAH – No A**holes Here
ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
"NTA. Also, he's not your friend."
"Neither are any of the As that are telling you that you were in the wrong." ~ DAWO95
"NTA. To the friends who say 'You should have just talked to him'--You DID talk to him, and he blew you off."
"Plagiarism is serious, at many schools, it can lead to expulsion."
"He brought this on himself." ~ MarionberryPlus8474
"Also if OP had also submitted their notes to the same system for extra credit under their name, they could've been the ones under investigation for plagiarism since the professor could've assumed they were the ones copying."
"OP's friend likely didn't know for sure that OP wouldn't decide to submit them." ~ notaverage256
"NTA. I'm sure he's shocked that he has negative consequences for using you and then treating you like crap."
"He made his bed... now he gets to lay in it." ~ IamIrene
"NTA, he should've thought about the consequences before doing that."
"Also MED SCHOOL???"
"I wouldn't want someone like that to be my doctor. It's better he gets the consequences now rather than later when he misdiagnoses someone and causes their death." ~ ARandomStudentHere
"You allowed him to use your notes as reference."
"He straight up copied it and claimed it as his own, stealing credit that rightfully belonged to you."
"NTA. He could've rephrased it or shared credit but instead stole it for himself."
"Then he claims it's 'just notes.'"
"Yeah! Your notes."
"If it's just notes, then why steal it?" ~ sithmaster297
"NTA. You DID talk to him, and he told you to chill."
"Let him deal with the consequences." ~ MedicinalWalnuts
"NTA... ethics is a big part of your chosen profession."
"He should know better." ~ RoyallyOakie
"NTA, in the medical field especially giving credit where it is due is paramount."
"Imagine him in the future stealing credit for someone else's work and publishing a paper."
"The consequences for being caught would be far worse than getting caught in college, so he should thank you for not doing something this stupid in the future." ~ Impossible_Donut2631
"NTA. I have complex health conditions, and this is exactly the kind of mindset that would get me killed."
"No thanks!" ~ high_on_acrylic
"NTA. And the problem is not that he submitted your notes, but that he claimed the credit for them."
"That's theft of intellectual property."
"'It's just notes.'"
"'It's just money.'"
"'It's just something I wanted.'"
"Hard to see how he with that mindset could ever be a decent medical professional with the required integrity."
"That's why they investigate and if they find him unworthy, that's academic cleaning house and throwing out trash." ~ SpiritedLettuce6900
"1000% NTA."
"He STOLE from you."
"You did the right thing." ~ Medium-Tear5784
"This is the consequence of his actions."
"It's not the one he was hoping for which was extra credit."
"But the more reasonable one."
"If he thought- oh, this mnemonic is awesome!"
"Everyone should know about it."
"He could have suggested you submit it."
"Or submitted it but with your name attached."
"But he wanted the accolades of having come up with such a good idea." ~ rak1882
"You're in med school."
"He needs to be held to a HIGHER standard, not a lower one. "
"It's alarming that someone with such poor judgment is a med student."
"You did the right thing."
"You don't know what else he's been doing to skirt the rules and expectations."
'What if those few extra credit points are the difference between him graduating or not?"
"He would literally have lied his way into a field that requires integrity and sound judgment. NTA." ~ Puzzleheaded-Age-240
OP responded...
"Yeah, that's exactly what was bothering me."
"I kept thinking, if he's willing to take credit for someone else's work over a few extra points, what else is he willing to cut corners on?"
"We're going into a field where trust and integrity are everything."
"I didn't want to be the one to escalate things, but it felt wrong to just let it slide."
"Appreciate you saying this."
Reddit continued...
"NTA. I'm a nurse, which was not tolerated in nursing school."
"We also had to have above an 80% score in everything and 100% on dosage/math tests."
"This is because dishonest behavior and mistakes kill patients."
"I do not want a doctor who lies, covers his a**, and doesn't know WTF he's doing."
"I don't want to work under a doctor like that either."
"If he's unprepared, lazy, and unethical, then he should not go into the medical field."
"You are doing the correct thing by reporting and your friends who disagree don't understand the stakes." ~ Infinite-Nothing-336
"NTA. And it sounds like you DID talk to him first, and he blew you off."
"He just proved that he's willing to take someone's work as his own." ~ soneg
"NTA. He messed around."
"Time for him to find out." ~ JupiterSWarrior
"NTA - It was one thing for Jake to borrow your notes to study from. However, submitting someone else's notes to a professor to be used as an example without coming to you first is stealing and would count as plagiarism."
"You have every right to report it, considering he took zero responsibility and just told you to chill." ~ amelia611
"NTA. You shared your notes."
"He decided to share them with the professor as if it were his own."
"That's where he screwed up." ~ juanredshirt
"NTA. You talked, he didn't care."
"If you don't stop him now he'll continue doing it to others as well."
"Imagine this s**t stain taking credit for a new medical procedure and reaping the rewards." ~ jamaul11490
"NTA. He broke the code of honor." ~ revocer
"My high school self is saying, yes you're the a**hole."
"But my adult self is saying you did exactly what you needed to and we need more minds like yourself when it comes to stuff like this."
"Half-a**ers should be weeded out of the medical field."
"Good on you." ~ Vahyruhl
"Not the a**hole."
"Medical providers, first responders, and other people who serve the public need to be held to higher moral and ethical standards."
"It comes with the territory of the profession, and it's why you implicitly trust the people who you see when you go into a hospital or when you call 911 and they show up at your door."
"Also, you did try to talk to him and he was a d**k about it."
"He's not mature enough to be a medical professional yet." ~ CheekAccomplished150
"You DID talk to him, and he failed to see a problem in taking (extra) credit for your work. NTA."
"I mean, is he going to take these shortcuts when he's seeing patients?" ~ Historical_Wing3120
"Isn't it just great when someone uses you and other people who suffer no consequences tell you to let it go?"
"They're sending you the message that they think it's ok for this guy to take advantage of you."
"It's not."
"Maybe on the proverbial playground, you wouldn't want to be a tattletale, but those days are over."
"Y'all are in med school where you need to take things seriously."
"You're being prepared for real-world situations and consequences."
"Definitely NTA."
"You DID talk to him and he blew you off."
"You gave him a chance."
"You don't owe him anything." ~ phantomfire00
"NTA. Simple, He used your hard work and dedication to get HIMSELF, extra credit."
"From personal experience, if someone I helped and considered a friend told me to 'chill' when they submit my work, for their own gain."
"I would be livid." ~ Less_Emu_3066
"NTA. He stole your work and submitted it as his own."
"He deserves every consequence." ~ gfdoctor
"NTA, you talked to him and he blew you off."
"What if he does that in the field with info that is privileged, and legally endangers everyone involved?"
"Or even worse, with info that is wrong and seriously hurts patients?"
"I'm with those emphasizing the importance of integrity in the field you're looking at moving to after school." ~ equalquestioning2025
"I mean, you DID talk to him so your 'friends' have a weak grasp on reality."
"Now, Jake is suffering the consequences, whatever those may be. NTA." ~ LadybugGirltheFirst
"NTA. You DID just talk to him - and he brushed it off."
'He tried to steal your work and get credit for it."
"If you had ever shown those notes or tried to submit them for extra credit yourself, you probably would have gotten in trouble."
"He probably won't lose anything for ONE incident - but the investigation may uncover a pattern of incidents that could easily mean he gets in trouble, and if so?"
"That's on him and his own dang fault."
"You're not responsible for that, don't let anyone try to convince you that it's your fault or your problem."
"He's not a friend." ~ OutragedPineapple
"NTA. You talked with a friend about him taking credit for your work and hoped he would reconsider and talk with the professor."
"He blew you off."
"You were in the right to report him on this."
"If your friend is kicked out of medical school it's his own doing and not on you." ~ Odd-Trainer-3735
"NTA!! Your name is the most important thing you own, and it's crazy that he's in MED SCHOOL and he's not doing his own work."
"If it's 'just notes' to him then he can go study by himself."
"That's just me being petty though... lol."
"Also, the mutual friends should've put themselves in your shoes, it sucks for someone to steal the credit for something you put a lot of effort into."
"Either way, he's an adult and his actions have REAL consequences." ~ MentalPomegranate610
"NTA. I had someone take hints and tips I created that took me hours and submitted it as something he would do if he were promoted."
"I was shocked years later when I found out about it and that he passed it off as his own idea." ~ Grouchy_Librarian343
"You did talk to him."
"Instead of owning up to his mistake, he blew you off."
"You did the right thing. NTA." ~ AryaStark1313
"NTA, you did the work and deserve the credit."
"If you let it slide once, he will take advantage of it again, and that's not fair to you or any other students."
"If they don't find any other instances, then we will likely go on academic probation until they deem otherwise in a best-case scenario." ~ ArtisticPandas300
Reddit is firmly on your side, OP.
Your friend needs to own up to his actions.
What happens next is all on him.
You did try to speak with him and he disrespected you... AGAIN!
You may want to steer clear of Jake.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.