Kids like what they like.
Heck, adults like what they like.
Everybody is not going to like everything
Some people just can’t help but try to change other people’s minds just because.
This course of action is rarely successful.
Redditor DaughterPartyThrow wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to take my daughter to ‘her’ birthday party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (33 F[emale]) daughter ‘Cleo’ (5-year-old) hates pink.”
“She has disliked the color and almost everything to do with it since she was about three or so.”
“She has one pink shirt she likes and one pink stuffed animal, and that’s it.”
“My father’s partner, ‘Prue,’ refuses to accept that Cleo doesn’t like pink.”
“Over the years, she’s made several attempts to push the color onto her (pretty much every gift she’s ever given her was some shade of pink), no matter how many times I tell her to stop.”
“She has tried to give me dozens of different reasons why I should encourage my daughter to ‘try different shades.’”
“It clearly upsets Cleo, but Prue keeps doing it.”
“About a week ago, my father invited me, my husband, and our children for dinner at his place.”
“He said he and Prue had a surprise for the kids.”
“Right before we left home, my younger sister (who still lives with our father) texted me.”
“She warned me that the ‘surprise’ was actually a small birthday party Prue had planned for Cleo.”
“That alone threw me off because my daughter’s birthday was in November.”
“My father did miss her actual birthday party due to work, but still.”
“Also, my son turns 9 in March, so I had figured he would be the next party we’d have.”
“Then she sent me photos of how the place was decorated, and it very clearly wasn’t actually meant for Cleo.”
“Literally, every piece of decor was pink.”
“The table, the tableware, the balloons, everything.”
“She had gotten pink banners and glued pink foil fringe curtains on the doors.”
“Even the cake was pink.”
“I showed everything to my husband, and we agreed not to take the kids there.”
“I texted my father the following: ‘Hey, (sister) told me everything. We’re not coming.'”
“‘We’re taking the kids to McDonald’s and telling them that was your surprise.'”
“‘You and Prue can come if you want, we’re paying.’”
“We did exactly that.”
“My father did show up (without Prue), but he was cold with us and left 20 minutes after arriving.”
“Both him and Prue are pissed.”
“My father is angry that my husband and I dismissed his partner’s ‘heartfelt gesture’ towards our daughter.”
“Prue also told me that I’m the reason Cleo is ‘restrictive’ (I also don’t like pink), and I’m raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise.
“To be honest, I get how I could be in the wrong here.”
“But at the same time, this just felt like Prue trying to push something Cleo doesn’t like onto her yet again.”
“My sister and one of my brothers are on my side (though my sister did say I had been rude).”
“My other brother is on the fence.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Go to their house and ask them for ‘What The F**k Do They Think They Are Doing?'”
“You were not being rude, you were protecting your daughter and Prue both from an uncomfortable and disappointing dinner.”
“Your daughter hates pink, that isn’t uncommon.”
“Girls go through that stage.”
“Trying to force her to like pink will guarantee she always hates pink and will cause her to dislike the person that is forcing the issue.”
“Prue is being disrespectful of your daughter.” ~ OGatariKid
“NTA. You handled it well and avoided the worst.”
“You were not rude so much as clear that you would not let Prue manipulate you/your daughter.”
“Your father is the weakest link here.”
“He should be reeling in Prue’s pink obsession, not encouraging it.”
“Tell your father and Prue that there are things more important than the color pink in this world and that if they cannot stop giving pink to your daughter, then they should stop giving, period.” ~ hadMcDofordinner
“The coincidence of his and Prue’s similar emphasis on color schemes is very telling.”
“Your father, and I assume Prue’s, generation are known for a lack of empathy and respect.”
“Especially with people younger than them.”
“I’m guessing it’s a combination of ‘I know better, and should get my way.’”
“Even when it comes to someone else’s preferences for their own birthday, Prue wants to experience raising her own little girl which she seems to have missed out on. NTA.” ~ TogarSucks
“I think it’s a sexist thing. She thinks if the girl doesn’t like the designated ‘girl’ color she is not girly enough and she may end up ‘confused.'”
“NTA- stand your ground; your kid your rules and thank you for acknowledging your daughter’s feelings and letting her have an opinion.”
“People like Prue don’t really see little girls as people, they see them as dolls that they can fit into whatever role they like.” ~ acegirl1985
“NTA. It wasn’t heartfelt.”
“It was manipulative and underhanded.”
“Your daughter doesn’t like pink.”
“Both your father and his partner know she doesn’t like pink.”
“Your father’s partner has some obsession over the fact that girls/women should love pink.”
“They tried to lure your family over to some belated color-obsessed birthday party under the guise of dinner.”
“This is deceptive and weird.”
“Why does she care if your daughter does or doesn’t like a particular color?”
“Why does this bother her so much?”
“How does your daughter’s color preferences affect her at all?” ~ Vandreeson
“Tell your dad’s partner that the only one being selfish and immature is her.”
“She’s the one trying to force outdated stereotypes on your daughter, and she’s the one throwing temper tantrums because your daughter doesn’t like a color.”
“I love the color blue, but I don’t go around trying to force it on people who don’t like the color.”
“I also don’t like the color pink, and I’m so glad it was never forced on me. NTA.” ~ EffectiveNo7681
“Honestly, while I realize it wouldn’t be fair on the kid.”
“I do wish OP took her, and she had a breakdown over the pink and asked Prue if she hates her or doesn’t know her.”
“Prue needs to learn that this behavior will make the kid despise her and want nothing to do with her. NTA.” ~ The_Iron_Mountie
“I’m not sure that Prue’s efforts were ‘a heartfelt gesture!'”
“Her insistence on pink seems to be more about Prue than about Cleo.”
“Does Prue have children of her own?”
“I would think that most people who’ve had some exposure to children know that they go through phases of liking, loving, or disliking things and that you can’t really force things on them if they don’t like them.”
“Your father and Prue really aren’t hearing you/Cleo.”
“The party wasn’t for Cleo, so not attending doesn’t seem any worse than throwing a party for someone when you know they’ll hate it! NTA.” ~ tinyd71
“Your story is bizarre.”
“It is unclear to me why anyone would be pressing a color on another person.”
“Prue seems rather unhinged.”
“And to have a birthday party 2 months after an actual birthday is… weird.”
“Has anyone ever asked her why this is something she is utterly insistent upon?”
“Does Prue have any of her own kids or grandkids?”
“Anyway, you’re not an a**hole for not going I suppose.”
“You are kind of an a**hole for throwing your sister under the bus, but then I can’t imagine that they wouldn’t deduce how you found out about the decor after 3 seconds (if she hadn’t already told them she was telling you).”
“Anyway, NTA.” ~ SoImaRedditUserNow
“NTA, but your family sure is; I am now 50, always hated pink, and I was a tomboy, and I hated dresses.”
“I had an Aunt like your Dad’s wife.”
“I hated her she said the same crap Prue says and she never respected my feelings so as I grew older I never respected hers.”
“I still don’t wear pink, and I have ripped my Aunt a new one every time she brings it up.”
“Your daughter is allowed not to like something, and your sister says you were rude. At what point do you not if your daughter’s wants and desires are not respected?”
“Cleo would not be seeing my parents for a while till they acknowledge and respect her choices.” ~ Large_Effective_812
“Prue seems off balance.”
“A birthday party 2 months late is bizarre on its own.”
“The insistence on everything pink sounds really like some sort of issue she’s got that she should work through.”
“Did she not have children of her own?”
“Is your daughter seen as some sort of ‘do-over’ child?”
“It’s all a little weird, even without the obsession with the color pink.”
“NTA (forgot a judgment the first time around!)” ~ Affectionate_Big8239
“The spoiled brat unwilling to compromise here is Prue, not you or your daughter.”
“This is like someone saying, ‘I hate mushrooms’ and then someone going out of their way to invite them to ‘special surprise’ dinner where every dish is made of only mushrooms and then getting mad at THEM for being ungrateful.”
“That’s what a**holes do. Prue is TA.”
“Not you. NTA.”
“Thank you for protecting your daughter.” ~ Money-Possibility606
“NTA. What Prue is doing is what we call projecting.”
“Look at her response.”
“‘You are raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is willing to compromise.'”
“Now look at Prue’s actions.”
“She is acting like a brat who is unwilling to compromise.”
“Hold firm in your boundaries.”
“You are teaching your child that her likes and wants are important and that she shouldn’t give them up to ‘keep the peace.'”
“Thank you.” ~ WhereWeretheAdults
“NTA. Prue sounds very rigid in believing gender stereotypes that don’t exist these days.”
“Little girls don’t have to obsess over pink and princesses and Barbies.”
“If Prue wants to relive her childhood, she can buy herself those things and leave your daughter out of it.” ~ Upset-Cake6139
“I’m one of those people who is obsessed with the color pink.”
“Most of what I have is pink or has some connection to it.”
“I do love other colors, but I mainly love pink.”
“HOWEVER, that’s MY obsession.”
“I understand that not everyone likes pink.”
“My best friend is the opposite of colors compared to me.”
“She prefers black or basic colors without a lot of vibrant colors.”
“Do I tease her? Yes.”
“I also respect her choices.”
“She teases me about my pink obsession but will still go out of her way to buy me pink things for gifts.”
“It’s not hard to respect someone’s preferences.”
“Also, there is no rule that a girl or woman can not be the standard of feminity if they don’t have pink.”
“Colors don’t make anyone less or more of something.”
“Colors are just colors, and we love what stands out to us. NTA.” ~ tawnie6879
“Imagine being so bored in life that you decide to press upon a COLOR CHOICE on a five-year-old!”
“NTA.” ~ Responsible-Form6513
“NTA. Prue is the only spoiled brat I see here.”
“It’s honestly pathetic she’s that obsessed with forcing pink upon your daughter.”
“Tell her and your dad to kick rocks.” ~ buttercupgrump
“NTA! Does… does Prue understand that Cleo is not HER child?”
“And she shouldn’t be throwing her parties at all?”
“It sounds like Prue and your dad need a time out and some distance until they can respect your daughter’s opinion and yours as her parents.” ~ punnymama
OP came back with an Update…
“First of all, I apologized to my sister a few hours after I made my original post.”
“I am very grateful for what she did, but I’ll do my best to keep her away from these conflicts moving forward.”
“Thank you to those who defended her.”
“Secondly, I went through your comments with my husband, and our main takeaway was that we did what we had to do to protect Cleo, even if it wasn’t what we’d do in most circumstances.”
“Had either of us been surprised with a party decorated with something we openly hated, we would have sucked it up and ignored it.”
“It sucks, but we’re adults and it comes with the territory.”
“Cleo, however, is 5 years old.”
“She wouldn’t deal with this the same way, nor would we expect her to.”
“Knowing my daughter, she would have been miserable at the party.”
“So ultimately, we don’t regret not taking her there.”
“On Saturday, we took the kids to spend the afternoon at my brother’s place with their cousins.”
“In the meantime, we invited my father and Prue over to talk.”
“My husband and I told them we wanted them to abide by the following…”
“1) No more surprise parties without our knowledge and approval…”
“2) No more pushing the color pink onto Cleo (including pink gifts) and…”
“3) No more calling our children spoiled for being allowed to dislike something.”
“If they didn’t agree to our terms, we would no longer take the kids to their place, and there would be a good chance we’d lower our contact with them in the future.”
“Prue didn’t say anything at first.”
“My father tried to argue that we should at least thank her for the party, but I said no.”
“I told them the problem wasn’t that Prue threw a party for my daughter that was dedicated to her own interests.”
“It was that she specifically chose something she knows my daughter hates and centered everything around it.”
“We wouldn’t thank her, and we wouldn’t apologize.”
“That’s when Prue chimed in.”
“She tried to tell us we were raising our daughter to be a brat again.”
“So I asked, ‘Why are you so insistent on pink?’”
“She didn’t answer at first, but then said she knew Cleo did love pink, she just didn’t know it yet.”
“And to that, I asked, ‘Would you be this pushy if it was about any other color?’”
“Prue tried to say that didn’t matter, but when my husband asked her if she’d care if Cleo hated blue, she said, ‘She doesn’t need to like blue.’”
“He replied that she didn’t need to like pink either.”
“He told Prue that she had no right to decide what Cleo should and shouldn’t like.”
“Cleo hates pink, and if she can’t be an adult and respect that, then she doesn’t need to be around our children.”
“In the end, my father and Prue agreed to our terms.”
“I’m not confident about her, but I did speak to my father.”
“I said I know that he has a hard time saying no to Prue, but he will ruin his relationship with me and my children if he keeps enabling his partner. “
“My father promised he wouldn’t let this happen again.”
“I hope this works out.”
“Cleo is a great kid, and I hope my father and Prue can finally start seeing that.”
“Thank you all for everything.”
Reddit agrees with you, OP.
Prue has the real issue.
How dare she overstep in this way.
It’s wonderful to hear that you stood your ground.
Hopefully, Prue has learned a lesson.
Good luck.