Kids like what they like.
Heck, adults like what they like.
Everybody is not going to like everything
Some people just can't help but try to change other people's minds just because.
This course of action is rarely successful.
Redditor DaughterPartyThrow wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for refusing to take my daughter to 'her' birthday party?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My (33 F[emale]) daughter 'Cleo' (5-year-old) hates pink."
"She has disliked the color and almost everything to do with it since she was about three or so."
"She has one pink shirt she likes and one pink stuffed animal, and that's it."
"My father's partner, 'Prue,' refuses to accept that Cleo doesn't like pink."
"Over the years, she's made several attempts to push the color onto her (pretty much every gift she's ever given her was some shade of pink), no matter how many times I tell her to stop."
"She has tried to give me dozens of different reasons why I should encourage my daughter to 'try different shades.'"
"It clearly upsets Cleo, but Prue keeps doing it."
"About a week ago, my father invited me, my husband, and our children for dinner at his place."
"He said he and Prue had a surprise for the kids."
"Right before we left home, my younger sister (who still lives with our father) texted me."
"She warned me that the 'surprise' was actually a small birthday party Prue had planned for Cleo."
"That alone threw me off because my daughter's birthday was in November."
"My father did miss her actual birthday party due to work, but still."
"Also, my son turns 9 in March, so I had figured he would be the next party we'd have."
"Then she sent me photos of how the place was decorated, and it very clearly wasn't actually meant for Cleo."
"Literally, every piece of decor was pink."
"The table, the tableware, the balloons, everything."
"She had gotten pink banners and glued pink foil fringe curtains on the doors."
"Even the cake was pink."
"I showed everything to my husband, and we agreed not to take the kids there."
"I texted my father the following: 'Hey, (sister) told me everything. We're not coming.'"
"'We're taking the kids to McDonald's and telling them that was your surprise.'"
"'You and Prue can come if you want, we're paying.'"
"We did exactly that."
"My father did show up (without Prue), but he was cold with us and left 20 minutes after arriving."
"Both him and Prue are pissed."
"My father is angry that my husband and I dismissed his partner's 'heartfelt gesture' towards our daughter."
"Prue also told me that I'm the reason Cleo is 'restrictive' (I also don't like pink), and I'm raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise.
"To be honest, I get how I could be in the wrong here."
"But at the same time, this just felt like Prue trying to push something Cleo doesn't like onto her yet again."
"My sister and one of my brothers are on my side (though my sister did say I had been rude)."
"My other brother is on the fence."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. Go to their house and ask them for 'What The F**k Do They Think They Are Doing?'"
"You were not being rude, you were protecting your daughter and Prue both from an uncomfortable and disappointing dinner."
"Your daughter hates pink, that isn't uncommon."
"Girls go through that stage."
"Trying to force her to like pink will guarantee she always hates pink and will cause her to dislike the person that is forcing the issue."
"Prue is being disrespectful of your daughter." ~ OGatariKid
"NTA. You handled it well and avoided the worst."
"You were not rude so much as clear that you would not let Prue manipulate you/your daughter."
"Your father is the weakest link here."
"He should be reeling in Prue's pink obsession, not encouraging it."
"Tell your father and Prue that there are things more important than the color pink in this world and that if they cannot stop giving pink to your daughter, then they should stop giving, period." ~ hadMcDofordinner
"The coincidence of his and Prue's similar emphasis on color schemes is very telling."
"Your father, and I assume Prue's, generation are known for a lack of empathy and respect."
"Especially with people younger than them."
"I'm guessing it's a combination of 'I know better, and should get my way.'"
"Even when it comes to someone else's preferences for their own birthday, Prue wants to experience raising her own little girl which she seems to have missed out on. NTA." ~ TogarSucks
"I think it's a sexist thing. She thinks if the girl doesn't like the designated 'girl' color she is not girly enough and she may end up 'confused.'"
"NTA- stand your ground; your kid your rules and thank you for acknowledging your daughter's feelings and letting her have an opinion."
"People like Prue don't really see little girls as people, they see them as dolls that they can fit into whatever role they like." ~ acegirl1985
"NTA. It wasn't heartfelt."
"It was manipulative and underhanded."
"Your daughter doesn't like pink."
"Both your father and his partner know she doesn't like pink."
"Your father's partner has some obsession over the fact that girls/women should love pink."
"They tried to lure your family over to some belated color-obsessed birthday party under the guise of dinner."
"This is deceptive and weird."
"Why does she care if your daughter does or doesn't like a particular color?"
"Why does this bother her so much?"
"How does your daughter's color preferences affect her at all?" ~ Vandreeson
"Tell your dad's partner that the only one being selfish and immature is her."
"She's the one trying to force outdated stereotypes on your daughter, and she's the one throwing temper tantrums because your daughter doesn't like a color."
"I love the color blue, but I don't go around trying to force it on people who don't like the color."
"I also don't like the color pink, and I'm so glad it was never forced on me. NTA." ~ EffectiveNo7681
"Honestly, while I realize it wouldn't be fair on the kid."
"I do wish OP took her, and she had a breakdown over the pink and asked Prue if she hates her or doesn't know her."
"Prue needs to learn that this behavior will make the kid despise her and want nothing to do with her. NTA." ~ The_Iron_Mountie
"I'm not sure that Prue's efforts were 'a heartfelt gesture!'"
"Her insistence on pink seems to be more about Prue than about Cleo."
"Does Prue have children of her own?"
"I would think that most people who've had some exposure to children know that they go through phases of liking, loving, or disliking things and that you can't really force things on them if they don't like them."
"Your father and Prue really aren't hearing you/Cleo."
"The party wasn't for Cleo, so not attending doesn't seem any worse than throwing a party for someone when you know they'll hate it! NTA." ~ tinyd71
"Your story is bizarre."
"It is unclear to me why anyone would be pressing a color on another person."
"Prue seems rather unhinged."
"And to have a birthday party 2 months after an actual birthday is... weird."
"Has anyone ever asked her why this is something she is utterly insistent upon?"
"Does Prue have any of her own kids or grandkids?"
"Anyway, you're not an a**hole for not going I suppose."
"You are kind of an a**hole for throwing your sister under the bus, but then I can't imagine that they wouldn't deduce how you found out about the decor after 3 seconds (if she hadn't already told them she was telling you)."
"Anyway, NTA." ~ SoImaRedditUserNow
"NTA, but your family sure is; I am now 50, always hated pink, and I was a tomboy, and I hated dresses."
"I had an Aunt like your Dad's wife."
"I hated her she said the same crap Prue says and she never respected my feelings so as I grew older I never respected hers."
"I still don't wear pink, and I have ripped my Aunt a new one every time she brings it up."
"Your daughter is allowed not to like something, and your sister says you were rude. At what point do you not if your daughter's wants and desires are not respected?"
"Cleo would not be seeing my parents for a while till they acknowledge and respect her choices." ~ Large_Effective_812
"Prue seems off balance."
"A birthday party 2 months late is bizarre on its own."
"The insistence on everything pink sounds really like some sort of issue she's got that she should work through."
"Did she not have children of her own?"
"Is your daughter seen as some sort of 'do-over' child?"
"It's all a little weird, even without the obsession with the color pink."
"NTA (forgot a judgment the first time around!)" ~ Affectionate_Big8239
"The spoiled brat unwilling to compromise here is Prue, not you or your daughter."
"This is like someone saying, 'I hate mushrooms' and then someone going out of their way to invite them to 'special surprise' dinner where every dish is made of only mushrooms and then getting mad at THEM for being ungrateful."
"That's what a**holes do. Prue is TA."
"Not you. NTA."
"Thank you for protecting your daughter." ~ Money-Possibility606
"NTA. What Prue is doing is what we call projecting."
"Look at her response."
"'You are raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is willing to compromise.'"
"Now look at Prue's actions."
"She is acting like a brat who is unwilling to compromise."
"Hold firm in your boundaries."
"You are teaching your child that her likes and wants are important and that she shouldn't give them up to 'keep the peace.'"
"Thank you." ~ WhereWeretheAdults
"NTA. Prue sounds very rigid in believing gender stereotypes that don't exist these days."
"Little girls don't have to obsess over pink and princesses and Barbies."
"If Prue wants to relive her childhood, she can buy herself those things and leave your daughter out of it." ~ Upset-Cake6139
"I'm one of those people who is obsessed with the color pink."
"Most of what I have is pink or has some connection to it."
"I do love other colors, but I mainly love pink."
"HOWEVER, that's MY obsession."
"I understand that not everyone likes pink."
"My best friend is the opposite of colors compared to me."
"She prefers black or basic colors without a lot of vibrant colors."
"Do I tease her? Yes."
"I also respect her choices."
"She teases me about my pink obsession but will still go out of her way to buy me pink things for gifts."
"It's not hard to respect someone's preferences."
"Also, there is no rule that a girl or woman can not be the standard of feminity if they don't have pink."
"Colors don't make anyone less or more of something."
"Colors are just colors, and we love what stands out to us. NTA." ~ tawnie6879
"Imagine being so bored in life that you decide to press upon a COLOR CHOICE on a five-year-old!"
"NTA." ~ Responsible-Form6513
"NTA. Prue is the only spoiled brat I see here."
"It's honestly pathetic she's that obsessed with forcing pink upon your daughter."
"Tell her and your dad to kick rocks." ~ buttercupgrump
"NTA! Does… does Prue understand that Cleo is not HER child?"
"And she shouldn't be throwing her parties at all?"
"It sounds like Prue and your dad need a time out and some distance until they can respect your daughter's opinion and yours as her parents." ~ punnymama
OP came back with an Update...
"First of all, I apologized to my sister a few hours after I made my original post."
"I am very grateful for what she did, but I'll do my best to keep her away from these conflicts moving forward."
"Thank you to those who defended her."
"Secondly, I went through your comments with my husband, and our main takeaway was that we did what we had to do to protect Cleo, even if it wasn't what we'd do in most circumstances."
"Had either of us been surprised with a party decorated with something we openly hated, we would have sucked it up and ignored it."
"It sucks, but we're adults and it comes with the territory."
"Cleo, however, is 5 years old."
"She wouldn't deal with this the same way, nor would we expect her to."
"Knowing my daughter, she would have been miserable at the party."
"So ultimately, we don't regret not taking her there."
"On Saturday, we took the kids to spend the afternoon at my brother's place with their cousins."
"In the meantime, we invited my father and Prue over to talk."
"My husband and I told them we wanted them to abide by the following..."
"1) No more surprise parties without our knowledge and approval..."
"2) No more pushing the color pink onto Cleo (including pink gifts) and..."
"3) No more calling our children spoiled for being allowed to dislike something."
"If they didn't agree to our terms, we would no longer take the kids to their place, and there would be a good chance we'd lower our contact with them in the future."
"Prue didn't say anything at first."
"My father tried to argue that we should at least thank her for the party, but I said no."
"I told them the problem wasn't that Prue threw a party for my daughter that was dedicated to her own interests."
"It was that she specifically chose something she knows my daughter hates and centered everything around it."
"We wouldn't thank her, and we wouldn't apologize."
"That's when Prue chimed in."
"She tried to tell us we were raising our daughter to be a brat again."
"So I asked, 'Why are you so insistent on pink?'"
"She didn't answer at first, but then said she knew Cleo did love pink, she just didn't know it yet."
"And to that, I asked, 'Would you be this pushy if it was about any other color?'"
"Prue tried to say that didn't matter, but when my husband asked her if she'd care if Cleo hated blue, she said, 'She doesn't need to like blue.'"
"He replied that she didn't need to like pink either."
"He told Prue that she had no right to decide what Cleo should and shouldn't like."
"Cleo hates pink, and if she can't be an adult and respect that, then she doesn't need to be around our children."
"In the end, my father and Prue agreed to our terms."
"I'm not confident about her, but I did speak to my father."
"I said I know that he has a hard time saying no to Prue, but he will ruin his relationship with me and my children if he keeps enabling his partner. "
"My father promised he wouldn't let this happen again."
"I hope this works out."
"Cleo is a great kid, and I hope my father and Prue can finally start seeing that."
"Thank you all for everything."
Reddit agrees with you, OP.
Prue has the real issue.
How dare she overstep in this way.
It's wonderful to hear that you stood your ground.
Hopefully, Prue has learned a lesson.
Good luck.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp