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Pregnant Mom Tells Worried Husband To ‘Be A F**king Man’ After Not Allowing Him In Delivery Room

Pregnant mom waiting to deliver her baby
skaman306/Getty Images

Becoming new parents is an exciting and emotional time.

Oftentimes it brings out the best and worst in partners.

Redditor Dear_Fox_5010 has experienced this firsthand with his wife, who is eight months pregnant.

A recent disagreement drove him to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.

The Original Poster (OP) asked,

“AITA for “sulking” about the fact that my wife won’t let me watch my son’s birth?”

The OP gave a bit of backstory.

“I, [28-year-old Male], have been with the love of my life, Emily, [26-year-old Female], for seven years, married for two.”

“We have always talked about having kids, and I’ve always wanted to be there when they were born.”

“When my dad was still alive, he used to tell me and my siblings all the time about how it literally brought him to tears (NOT a man who cries, btw), and he would say he was so grateful for all of us and for the experience.”

“My beautiful and amazing wife is eight months pregnant. It’s been a pretty difficult pregnancy for her, well for us, but especially to her.”

“She’s had a few miscarriages in the past, and I’ve just been praying to God for both of them to make it through safely.”

Then they got to the matter at hand.

“We were talking more and more about what’s going to happen when she goes into labor, and she’s very adamant that I not be in the room, natural or C, no matter what.”

“I’ve tried convincing, pleading, begging, but she won’t change her mind.”

“Her mom is going to be with her, and I understand that she needs her mom and that she needs to do whatever to make sure that everything goes smoothly.”

“I don’t wanna stress her out too much because I keep telling myself all that matters is that they’re both healthy, but I’m honestly really sad about not being able to be there for my son’s birth.”

They had a hard time letting go of missing this milestone moment.

“It’s not about me. I know that. All that matters is that they’re both healthy.”

“I’ve been trying to come to terms and understand this on my own time so as not to bother her, but Emily’s just being so condescending to me, and I know that she’s just stressed out and scared, so she doesn’t mean it, but I feel like I deserve to process this at least for a few days.”

“I still do everything as I’ve done before, but she says that now I have this ‘beaten puppy dog’ look on my face, and it’s ‘pissing her off.’”

“Then, she started scolding me, asking me why it mattered so much to me and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son.”

“She told me I needed just to be a f*cking man and ‘get the f*ck over it.’”

“I feel like crying, but I don’t want her to know, and get mad at me again, so I told her I was going out to get groceries and am writing this in the car to try and calm myself down.”

“I love her so much, but what she said really hit me hard. I just want them both to be healthy and safe, but I also wanted to be there.”

The OP was left to wonder:


Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided”

Is she always this cruel and misogynistic?”

“NTA.” – wtfaidhfr


“It’s your child, too. I don’t blame you one bit for being upset. You’re not an AH for wanting to see the birth of your kid.”

“‘if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed to just be a fIcking man and “get the fIck over it.”’”

“Your wife is easily an AH from these sentences alone. Being pregnant doesn’t give her a free pass to be verbally abusive.” – Keenzur

Yeah, the way she talked to you was horribly sexist and mean.”

“I truly hope she doesn’t raise your son with the notion that he needs to ‘be a f*cking man.’ Or to ever imply he shouldn’t cry or have feelings or express himself.”

“This worries me for the future generation. I thought we had progressed and were raising sons to be better with all that we know now.”

“It’s devastating to think this unborn child could fall victim to the same patriarchal bullsh*t that drives up male suicide and lack of connection/meaningful friendships.”

“Your wife needs to check herself, and you should most definitely take the lead in showing your son how to ‘be a man.’”

“Which should just entail being a good person, experiencing your full range of emotions, and communicating effectively.”

“NTA” – Electronic-War-244

I personally cannot understand why someone wouldn’t want their partner, not to mention the very person who is going to be the other parent, in the room.”

“If the roles were reversed and my spouse chose his mommy over me, I would be livid.”

“Anyway, a “f*cking man” WANTS to be present for the delivery. They can’t carry the child. This is how they participate in bringing the child into the world. It’s the first thing they do as a daddy.”

“NTA and show your wife this comment section.”

“I’ll even throw in a y t a for your MIL, who should refuse and tell her daughter that she chose a life partner and father and that’s the person who should be by her side.” – autogeriatric

yes this wife is abusive. NTA.”

“OP will have to be clear with her: she has the right to take away one of the most important experiences of his life.”

“Should she exercise that right, it comes with consequences. He will never see her as a good and equal partner or teammate ever again.”

“He will likely harbor resentment. It very likely will ruin their relationship if not cause it to crumble.”

“I suppose she should learn to be a real woman and decide if she wants to choose to take something so important from her partner and destroy the relationship or not.” – Puzzleheaded_Big3319

While your wife is allowed to choose her support system in her delivery room, this stuff:”

“‘Then, she started scolding me, asking me why it mattered so much to me and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed just to be a f*cking man and “get the f*ck over it.”’

“ totally uncalled for. You said that it matters to you because you care about them and the moment, which is a valid reason.”

“And her belittling/gendered statement about being weak is really pretty horrible.”

“You do need to be supportive of her delivery choices, but that doesn’t give her a free pass to be so verbally abusive.”

“I can’t decide if that makes you both AHs for your behavior or gives you both a free pass, but you both need to tighten up the family unit before the baby comes.” – Major_Barnacle_2212


“Being present for the birth is an incredible bonding experience – and will be forever one of my most cherished memories.”

“‘asking me why it mattered so much to me and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed just to be a f*cking man and “get the f*ck over it.”’”

“Whoa there – these are huge red flags – and deserving of a whole heap of discussion, but to stay on topic:”

“•Have you asked WHY she wants only her mother there with her?”

“•Have you relayed the story of your father’s reaction to being present?”

“•Does the hospital have a restriction on the number of family “visiting”?” – KarpGrinder

“NTA. Your wife has the right to say she doesn’t want you there. She does not have the right to demean you so much that you are writing this crying from your car.”

“To me, this is more about her overall response than her answer. The lack of empathy in some of these comments sucks” – GoldenFrog14

NTA Her request to not have you in the room is one thing (although I always find it weird in a healthy, loving relationship, but whatever), but how she is treating you now is really the problem and makes her TA.”

“‘why it mattered so much to me,’”

“Because it is literally one of the most important moments of your life?! It would be much more concerning if it didn’t matter to you one bit.’”

“‘and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed just to be a f*cking man and “get the f*ck over it.”’”

“She also seems to have some seriously f*cked up ideas about what it means to be a man… I hope she won’t push these outdated views on your future son.”

“Is she going to tell him to be a man and get over it when he cries as well? Because that is seriously f*cked up, in my opinion. If nothing else, this is a conversation that desperately needs to happen.” – Fantastic-Focus-7056

Best of luck to the OP and his future son.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)