People express varying concerns about pregnancy, with some taking it very seriously and cautiously, while others don’t view it as a difficult or complex experience at all.
No matter how someone feels about pregnancy, though, they should listen to the pregnant people in their life about what they need, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor flounder893 was frustrated by her husband’s lack of concern for her high-risk pregnancy as well as her worries about traveling during this particular pregnancy.
But when he decided to take their children on a trip without her to prove a point, the Original Poster (OP) was more furious than ever.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not joining my family on vacation after my husband took our kids to St. Tropez behind my back?”
The OP’s husband was disappointed when the OP didn’t want to go on a family trip.
“My husband asked me if I wanted to go to Saint-Tropez with the kids because his family was going.”
“I said no because I’m 6 months pregnant and I had complications early on, and I’m worried the same will happen again, which would be even more terrifying while stuck on a boat away from home.”
“He tried to convince me nothing would happen and I was being overly cautious, but I wouldn’t change my mind so he seemed to give up.”
But then the OP’s husband made a plan of his own.
“What he actually did was go to Saint-Tropez with the kids without telling me they were going and calling me once they arrived to try to persuade me I had to come since the kids were already there.”
“The flight there is only approximately 2 hours and he had told me he was going to take the kids out for the day, so it was pretty easy for him to take them without me suspecting anything. He didn’t pack much, either.”
“I was so angry at him and worried about the kids that my first instinct was to immediately go, but as I was packing, I changed my mind.”
“I told him I wasn’t coming and that he was horrible for taking the kids behind my back, but I hoped it was worth it for him.”
The husband’s continued pressure on the OP eventually led to an argument.
“For a few days, he continued to try to persuade me and he got upset I wouldn’t come, even after my youngest was bawling his eyes out because he missed me.”
“He ended up coming home yesterday without the kids because my sister made it seem like I was really unwell because of what he did.”
“We had an argument because I still had a lot of pent-up anger from when he originally took the kids.”
“My mother-in-law told him off after I told her he had taken the kids without my permission and then she told him off again when they thought I was sick.”
“My father-in-law only told me they would look after the kids and I didn’t need to worry but they would like it if I would join them.”
The argument didn’t end there.
“He’s upset at me for not joining them and thinks I’m using the pregnancy as an excuse since he said I would have just as good medical care in Saint-Tropez as at home if I needed it.”
“He kept bringing up how our youngest had cried for me and I had ignored him.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were disturbed by the husband’s actions.
“NTA.”
“Is your husband mental? What the f**k?? He is definitely the AH in this situation. The fact that he thinks being 6 months pregnant is an ‘excuse’ is beyond horrifying.”
“He needs to apologize and make this up to you, as soon as possible.” – Manson_Girl
“NTA.”
“Your husband took your kids on a multi-day trip without your consent, leaving you home alone 6-months pregnant with health concerns, and had the audacity to put the blame on you when everything didn’t turn out sunshine and roses.”
“You did not make your youngest cry, your husband did.”
“He owes you a huge apology both for belittling your concerns and for utilizing the children in an attempt to force your hand. That is not how you treat a partner that you love and respect.” – shadowsofwho
“Please do make sure this is your last kid with this man.”
“He really doesn’t care about your health. On top of your complications, which he downplayed, he thought it was a good idea to kidnap the kids and use them as a bargaining chip? Is he trying to elevate your BP (blood pressure) or something?” – residentcaprice
“NTA and your husband is a huge f**king a**hole. I’m not entirely sure why he thought luring his pregnant wife on a vacation that she clearly stated she didn’t want to go on due to medical concerns was a great idea, but it isn’t; that is cruel.”
“And what would’ve happened if you did have a medical emergency while he was still in the process of traveling to/had arrived in St. Tropez with small children? That’s not a quick turnaround time for him to come back, god forbid something happened to you or your baby.”
“Shame on him for completely dismissing your decisions/concerns, taking your minor children out of the country without your knowledge or consent (what would’ve happened if there was an issue with the airplane they were on and you had zero idea that it was even a possibility for them to be involved in the issue?), and then attempting to use your minor child’s emotions to get you to bend to agree to his requests.”
“I’m LIVID on your behalf as a mother and, frankly, appalled that he thought it was remotely appropriate to pull this kind of stress-inducing bulls**t on his pregnant wife who is already concerned about her pregnancy. He sounds like a selfish f**king pr**k, and I’m so sorry he is putting you through this.” – TypicalHall1811
“NTA. He tried to use your children as a bargaining chip. They aren’t his tools to make you do what he wants you to do.”
“But are the kids still there, without either of you? Your youngest was already crying without you, I can’t imagine how frightened they are without their dad as well.”
“Poor kids. Your husband put them through quite an ordeal, possibly even something traumatic, just because he wanted to force you to come on a vacation.” – CrimsonKnight_004
Others agreed and urged the OP to get her children under her protection immediately.
“Good lord… And here I was, thinking this was a good old-fashioned example of miscommunication where he thought, ‘Do you want to go to St. Tropez with me and the kids,’ meant, ‘I am taking the kids to St. Tropez, do you want to go?’ and he thought you just didn’t feel like it.”
“While that still would have been weird, I’ve been around enough people to know that some really do think and talk like this. But no, he honestly straight up lied to you about taking the kids out for A DAY. What the f**k.” – ginsengtea3
“This is all so insane to me. Where does he get off thinking he can just abduct his own children and LIE about it to their mother? To his own wife??”
“I would be seriously reevaluating your relationship with this man if I were you. This is manipulative and shows a clear disregard for your or your children’s wellbeing.” – Important-Warning
“NTA.”
“He did what?? Is he normally that controlling?”
“Who thinks, ‘My pregnant wife who has health concerns won’t do what I want, so I’ll take the kids without telling her and manipulate her into doing what I want.'”
“You picked a doozy for a spouse OP. I’d be rethinking my life choices if I were you.” – CrystalQueen3000
“I don’t know if that would legally be kidnapping since they were with a guardian but it’s definitely sketchy as h**l and would not look good in a court.”
“In fact, if OP does go through with the divorce, I would suggest going as far as making the husband get supervised visits. This way he can’t pull that bulls**t again.” – Accomplished-Pen-630
“Your husband is a huge AH! Those poor little mites, what a cruel, manipulative jerk he is.”
“I would never trust my husband again if he ever did anything like this!”
“OP is NTA.” – Embarrassed-Lab-8375
“This is a therapy and divorce type of situation. What he did is abusive! Call a lawyer today and get their advice about the whole situation.”
“And if I were you I would be either sending someone to retrieve my children or having the in-laws return them immediately! No matter how safe or much fun they are having, you didn’t give permission for them to travel out of the country or for them to travel alone with your in-laws.”
“Your in-laws might even have trouble traveling with them internationally back into the country as they don’t have signed documentation that they are permitted to travel with them. The children are also traveling without anyone permitted to make medical decisions in the event of an infection or a broken limb (or worse).”
“You should also tell your doctor what has happened and is still happening. The effects of this on your body are something they need to monitor. Don’t downplay this, with them or with yourself.”
“Lawyer today. Emergency therapy today or tomorrow.” – AdGroundbreaking4397
The subReddit was furious and appalled on the OP’s behalf when they discovered that her husband not only whisked their children away without telling her but then put unnecessary stress on her pregnant body by insisting she was hurting one of her children by not being there.