Everybody wants to feel and be sexy.
Especially in the eyes of a lover.
So maybe make it more special by not sharing the sexy.
Unless you're cool with that.
So many questions.
Case in point...
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for allowing my husband to show off a photo?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My husband is a bit of a Marilyn Monroe fan."
"I am also into her story but not like he is."
"We joke that she would definitely be at the top of his 'free pass' list if she were alive and our age etc."
"All good fun."
"So, for his birthday I had a photographer friend help me recreate the famous nude Marilyn pose on red sheets with her arms behind her head."
"I won't post her photo here but if you google Marilyn Monroe nude there should be a million hits!"
"Wholesome and cute, I thought."
"I had it done, blonde wig and professional setting and everything, and it turned out great. He loved it."
"Anyway, he showed it to a few close buddies (I was fine with this) and they thought it was awesome and fun."
"One of their wives however, did not."
"She did not think it was cool that my husband showed this photo."
"And actually called my character into question for having the photo done."
"I called her out on it."
"We saw each other at a bar, I asked if there was a misunderstanding, she said there wasn't."
"She really stood her ground."
"I clapped back a bit, and finally cut off the conversation after she said 'I get it Laura, you love your boobs.'"
"Just shocked me."
"Am I clueless here?"
"AITA for not stopping my husband from showing his friends this photo?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It's a tricky situation.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"I'll have to say, I'm half and half on this one."
"The photo idea is very cute."
"I love it and I think it's pretty thoughtful, and it's very sweet how you put so much effort to it."
"But I also can't help but to question how your husband would show nude pictures of his wife to his married friends?"
"It's a bit unusual to me I'll have to admit."
"Though I don't think she should be angry at you, but at her own husband for looking even though it's a nude photo of his friend's wife."
"In conclusion I think that lady should be pissed at her husband, not you."
"And in my personal opinion such gifts are very sweet and even sweeter when they stay between you and your hubby."
"Maybe one could brag about it by talking about it, but I wouldn't be with the whole showing it situation." ~ loofzie
"There is an off chance he just thinks his wife did an extremely good re-creation and is proud of the work she did."
"He may want to show his buddies in a 'Hey look how much amazing effort and work my wife went to in order to give me an amazing, thoughtful gift.'"
"If he's in a few different types of art chances are they also have seen enough nudity that they will look at someone nude and not even think about the sexual implications."
"I have seen that before with friends who work as artists."
"On the flip side he could also be throwing it around as a total d-bag and bragging about her in a crude Manor."
"I will say the woman is a little rude for blaming OP."
"Doing nude photoshoots as gifts is more than ok if the recipient wants it and it's appropriate for the relationship."
"Heck getting dressed up as Marilyn and doing the photo if she wanted to just cuz would have been fine too."
"The sexual revolution was in the 70s and part of empowerment is doing things for yourself that make you feel sexy." ~ LeadingJudgment2
"It's on the husband's friends not to cross their marriages boundaries."
"With two layers of husbands intervening and a nude photo on the table I am not shocked that something is lost in translation Lmao."
"NTA and it's lame that people would try to sl*t shame you at all let alone just for taking an artful photo for your husband???"
"It's not like it was a random nude phone selfie lol."
"Other wife is insecure and her anger is misdirected."
"There's no need to put down your 'character' wtf."
"It's not like it's gonzo porn for God sake."
"Her immaturity is not your problem or your husband's, assuming he didn't show off the photo without asking first."
"Other wife's husband may or may not be TA." ~ Acrobatic-Parsnip-32
"Sounds like it's a problem between the woman and her own husband."
"The only reason op confronted her was because the woman was making mean comments about ops character."
"If the woman is not okay with her husband seeing nude photos of women he knows, she should've asked him not to and he..."
"1. should've stepped back when op husband was showing them or..."
"2. say he's not comfortable seeing them."
"No one forced him to stare at it."
"Sl*t shaming women because your husband has no respect for you is a no go." ~ calliopegrey
Oh the boys... they always bring the drama...
"Some people don't worry about it."
"I had made a new friend once and he asked if I wanted to see naked pictures of this girl he's dating."
"I asked how serious they were and he said 'could be pretty serious.'"
"He said she wouldn't care but I told him that I didn't want to see them because it would be difficult for me to not picture her when I eventually meet her."
"This was back when you had to use polaroids for that stuff so it would have been very blurry anyway."
"Still, I'm glad I didn't."
"They're happily married now and we've all been good friends for a long time."
"Some guys can separate that stuff, but I wasn't one of them back then."
"Don't care to find out if I have changed."
"I'm happy not knowing what my friends look like when they're naked."
"If it doesn't bother OP then they are probably pretty secure with each other and are able to keep that stuff separated."
"Sad their friend wasn't honest with himself." ~ Ok_Reason_3446
"NAH. It's great that you did the photo shoot and that you and your husband are comfortable enough with nudity, etc to show it around."
"But I don't think the friend's wife is an a**hole either."
"People have different ideas of what's appropriate and what's not and this rubbed her the wrong way. Is that your problem?"
"No, just ignore and live your best life."
"But she's also exercising her opinion the same way."
"I think this is a situation of people coming from very different perspectives and clashing."
"But I don't think anyone is an AH." ~ criticalgraffiti
"I would be grossed out if my friend tried to show me a naked picture of his wife."
"Doubly grossed out if I had to socialize with her regularly."
"And that she was just so cool with me seeing her tits because she was proud of them."
"We get it, Laura: you love your boobs."
"NAH... but I'm with her." ~ Blink182YourBedroom
"The amount of people who are jumping from 'she took nude photos' to 'she's responsible for everyone's actions' is absurd."
"All she did was take photos, give permission to her husband to share them, and tried to clear up what she thought was a misunderstanding."
"Maybe the bar conversation was a bit more heated than we're led to believe."
"But the OP mentions that the other wife was calling into question OP's character."
"Which I interpret as she was talking sh*t to others."
"And again, at that point, OP had only done the shoot and then gave permission to show it."
"That's fair grounds to confront someone."
"I just can't see how this is on her. NTA." ~ BadMinotaur
"NAH. I get that it was something special between y'all but I think the wife probably thinks it's a little inappropriate her husband has now seen your boobs."
"It's one thing for her husband to see random actress boobs in movies."
"It's a whole other thing for him to know what you look like topless now."
"Could make future social events a tad awkward for her."
"I don't think it's a jealous thing, just a eh I wish you hadn't cuz now it's awkward thing." ~ Conspiring_*itch
Well OP... Reddit understands your situation but has some thoughts.
Maybe make sure the hubs isn't flashing you all over the place.
Intimacy is intimacy.
And some people may not love to be a part of it.
But keep doing you.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.