Culturally we have shifted.
As a people we are more understanding of other’s and their private lives.
But everyday we are shown that there is still much work to do.
And our reactions to conflict matter.
Case in point…
Redditor Throwaway34938 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for publicly shaming another mom via social media?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (36 M[ale]) and I (35 F[emale]) couldn’t be more different when it comes to fashion if we tried.”
“The only time I can ever be bothered to wear a dress or a skirt is to special occasion events.”
“You’re more likely to find me in a t-shirt and shorts than anything that might be called ‘pretty.'”
“Meanwhile, my husband loves feminine presenting clothing.”
“He doesn’t get the opportunity to wear them out very often, but they get used around our house.”
“The man loves a nice twirl in a flowy dress, that’s for sure.”
“Our children (16 M and 10 M) have grown up with this as their normal.”
“They loved playing dress up with daddy when they were little (and our youngest still does!).”
“Typically my husband doesn’t wear anything other than masculine presenting clothes when we know our children are going to have guests.”
“But we don’t get much of a heads up now that our oldest and his friends have their driver’s license.”
“We had a run-in with our son’s best friend this past Saturday as we were leaving to go meet up with some friends of our own at a bar.”
“It was a non-issue.”
“Son’s friend looked a little surprised for a second but then hit my husband with a, ‘looking good, Mr. Throwaway34938.'”
“We told them the plan for the night, when we’d be back, and gave them the usual ‘call us or the neighbors if you need anything at all’ spiel.”
“When we returned home, our son requested we pull out the toddler-day photos of him playing dress up to show his friend and we did.”
“It was a really sweet moment.”
“Today, I get a text message from the mom of our son’s friend about how it’s not our place to force our views onto him and that it was completely inappropriate that we were trying to do so.”
“She mentioned something about us giving him ‘misguided ideas of what is right and wrong.'”
“We don’t live in a particularly conservative area, so I was shocked.”
“Admittedly, I did let my anger get the better of me in how I responded.”
“I posted about what happened on social media and publicly named the other party involved, including screenshots.”
“It has since been deleted, but it had garnered a decent amount of attention from other parents in the area before I did so.”
“According to a few of my friends, this was taking things a little too far and I’m curious about an outside perspective on this.”
“AITA for posting it to social media to shame her?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared everyone involved WAS the A**hole, for the most part, but there are serious issues with OP’s choices.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“The son wanting to show his friend pictures is tied with this for me! So lovely.”
“Also, justified AH gets a NTA, so that’s my verdict (as a G[ender] N[on] [Conforming]).”
“I really appreciate the fact that you’re firm and aggressive in your support.”
“People really won’t learn unless shamed!” ~ trophygoth
“I don’t think the point is to make that particular person change their mind.”
“It’s to make a statement about what the community accepts or doesn’t accept.”
“And in that regard, OP seemed to have succeeded in showing that their local community doesn’t support that kind of bigotry.”
“And its also a warning to other parents so that they can make an informed decision about how their kid interacts with that person.” ~ Zoenne
“I am not for public shaming on social media when the issue hasn’t been on social media; I won’t take it there.”
“However, I think ESH, because the other mom was wholly out of line, so she sucks, but OP is out of line in her very public/social media response.”
“I get that OP struck out at her b/c the woman WAS very offensive.”
“However, handling via phone call would have been far better.”
“And there would be less collateral damage as well, because it is as though OP didn’t give one chit how the friend of her son might have felt to have it made known his mom’s views.”
“Because THAT is impacting the kid.”
“And even when parents are **holes, they are still the kid’s parent.”
“And YES, this stuff DOES bother teen boys–I see it time and again–kids being embarrassed by what their parents post, kids being embarrassed by others’ responses–just sucks for them.”
“Just because they blow it off as if it is nothing to their parents does not mean they don’t internalize it and that it doesn’t bother them.”
“And because both OP and the other mom acted/reacted badly, ESH (at least OP and the other mom).” ~ PickleNotaBigDill
“ESH. The other mom was completely out of line.”
“But you were publicly posting about a situation that involves a lot more people, including your husband, your son and his friend who are all blameless.”
“Even if you talked to your family and they were fine with it, you still put the friend in a pretty uncomfortable position.”
“Naming and shaming is sometimes needed, but not for a single private text message.” ~ shadowsofwho
“There was no need for OP to publicise the matter.”
“The other mother called her privately and OP had her say.”
“So why make it so public.”
“I get OP was angry but she had her say privately to the other mother so why take it to social media.”
It’s not like the other mother is taking her antiquated views public and OP felt like she had to counter it.”
“Heck forget taking such views public, even in private, in her own home, the other mother’s views have not even managed to influence her own child.”
“OP taking it public is a tad AHish as it affects a lot more people than OP and the other mother.”
“I especially feel sorry for OP’s son’s friend who now has to deal with his family being talked about.”
“I also feel sorry for OP’s son whose friendship may be affected by OP’s actions.”
“I hate this world in which folks run to social media for validation, support, or payback, without first stopping to think of the wider consequences of doing so.” ~ ReceptionPuzzled1579
“I think there are plenty of egregious behaviours that merit public shaming.”
“For example, all those videos of people being publicly racist that get posted on social media should be there because that’s what those racists deserve.”
“If you’re gonna be a bigot to someone and humiliate and dehumanize them, the whole world deserves to know what kind of a person you are.”
“This other mom didn’t quite cross that line – she certainly had very gendered, sexist thinking.”
“But unless she actively insulted OP’s husband’s gender expression and sexuality, what she said didn’t need to be published on social media.”
“Also, this only served to alienate that woman’s son even further because now he might not be allowed to see his friend anymore, where he can be exposed to more open minded and progressive thinking. ESH.” ~ lefrench75
“ESH – the other mom sounds awful and a bit full of herself!”
“She’s definitely an a**hole here.”
“But, public ally shaming her is also public ally shaming your son’s friend, as I’m sure a lot of this will impact him.”
“Sometimes visibility isn’t always the best answer when it comes to things like this.”
“I do understand where you’re coming from, but I don’t think it was handled in the best way possible.” ~ Ok_Scallion_9146
“ESH She is an asshole for sure but what the hell is up with all these airing dirty laundry in social media posts?”
“Have we collectively forgotten how to speak to another human being even if it is unpleasant?”
“Listen, I know you were triggered but why not try to have a conversation to explain the situation first?”
“All you have done is make her dig in her heels more.”
“There was actually an opportunity to normalize something that she was uncomfortable with but now she is gonna rile against anything you say or do even harder!” ~ Hot_Mycologist_3561
“ESH. Got no problem with how your husband was dressed and this woman is a big AH.”
“However, you shouldn’t have doubled down and posted her communication to you on social media.”
“I get the urge but condemn the actions.” ~ LadyCass79
Well Reddit is pretty all over the map here.
There is one topic everyone agrees on, OP’s hubby should be happy in his dress.
Everything else is a bit messy.
Good luck y’all.