Interests are an ever-changing phenomenon.
Sometimes, we might be surprised to find that things that once brought us endless joy and excitement hardly cross our minds anymore.
As a result, we put much less effort and energy into these hobbies and interests.
Sometimes, this changes our relationships and friend dynamics.
Redditor Maximum_Love101 once found a community they loved being a part of.
This led the original poster (OP) to become something of a social chair.
However, as the group's dynamic slowly changed, the OP's interest and investment in the community began to wane.
A decision that didn't sit well with some of the OP's acquaintances.
Having some doubts about how they handled things, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for quitting a book club?"
The OP explained why they felt they needed a break from a community they helped grow:
"So, I started a book club at my friendly indie bookstore."
"It’s a fantasy book club, and I’ve been really all about growing it and making it a welcoming and inclusive space."
"Everyone can suggest titles and we all vote on them."
"I maintain a spreadsheet and the email list and I run the discord."
"I’m sure I know how it sounds, but I’m cool, I swear."
"About 6 months ago we got about ten or so new people, bringing our numbers up to 25, which is amazing."
"The group is really sweet and supportive, we’ve done food drives and raised money."
"Not a lot but it’s for various charities."
"But recently I decided to take a step back."
"This is because the new people really only want to read romantasy."
"I do not have ANY problem with romantasy!"
"It’s totally valid and absolutely a part of fantasy, I also like romance! I tend to like my romances a little sweeter and most of the romantasy that gets suggested is more 'dark shadow daddy' vibes."
"The group of 10 vote as a block while the rest of the remaining group kind of vote for whatever interests them, so for 6 months we’ve read nothing but romantasy and I just…wasn’t enjoying it."
"So I politely at the last meeting just said I needed to take a break, maybe I’d be back later."
"I gave one of the other people the email list and spreadsheet as well as making them the mod on the discord."
"2 months have gone by and the group has sort of fragmented apparently."
"They stopped maintaining the discord, emailing people, and now for the third month since my absence apparently a lot of people have left."
"I’m still a regular at the bookstore so I see people and one of the girls that joined was there."
"She made it a point to come up to me and tell me I’m an a**hole because I left the book club because I don’t want to read romantasy, that I’m toxic because I like 'shitty male gaze fantasy' and that she hopes I’m proud of myself for ruining it."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by. declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for leaving their book club.
Everyone agreed that the disgruntled club member the OP ran into was just resentful that the OP clearly proved themself to be the glue that held the book club together, and no one else could manage to keep it together:
"NTA."
"You have no obligation to continue a book club that you started for fun, regardless of the reason."
"And it sounds like you weren’t rude about it either."- musthavecupcakes_19
"NTA."
"How does she know why you left?"
"You only said you needed to take a break, right?"
"Your leaving does not necessarily have anything to do with the group falling apart."
"Perhaps others didn't want to gorge on romantasy constantly either."
"Regardless, you have a right to have your own life."
"That woman was way out of line."- Familiar_Shock_1542
"They just seem to be mad that they couldn't keep people engaged without you lol."
"The point of book clubs used to be to broaden your horizons (though there's nothing wrong with a specific kind either)."
"But with a book club that big, y'all definitely probably should've set up a rotation for categories and themes."
"Even if most people aren't terribly interested in a book, again, traditionally, it was common to pick books to try and learn more perspectives."
"NTA."- dearbornx
"NTA at all."
"The whole point of book clubs is that you are meant to read books that interest the group, not a clique."
"If they wanted a Romantasy-heavy book club (I’m with you on your opinion of them tbh), then they should have started their own club."
"They cannot blame you for the club failing because they do not have your drive or skill to keep the club afloat."
"I hope you either find a book club or start another one where romantasy is a once in a blue moon kind of thing."-DiligentChampion5765
"NTA."
"But that's what ranked choice voting is for."
"That and using the top three winners for the next three book picks."
"Then the shadow daddy ratio is more manageable."- UpOnZeeTail
"NTA."
"But huge yikes at that girl that was a major a-hole move on her part."
"You’re allowed to want to read whatever you want to read, just as she is."
"If they wanted a romantasy-only group, they should have started their own group instead of joining your fantasy group."
"Fantasy and romantasy are two separate genres!"
"The way your stepped back was done tastefully and politely, they are just pissed that they don’t have an organized person running things after they came in and steamrolled your entire book club group lol."- airyem
"NTA."
"It's not your fault they couldn't maintain after you left."
"They obviously didn't understand how much time and effort you were putting into it."
"If anything this person should be more appreciative of what you did when you were around."
"The new people obviously didn't communicate or keep up."- EnvironmentalKey5350
"NTA of course."
"Your local library probably has a bunch of book clubs you could join, or you can go to your town's Reddit and start or join a new book club."
"I'm in like, 8 book clubs."
"I flit in and out based on what book they're reading that month, and if that interests me."
"Life is too short to read books you don't like."- Acrobatic_Ear6773
"NTA."
"You're an adult with free will."
"They could all try harder, but it's easier to mooch off your hard work and blame you for their shortcomings."
"Don't apologize, you've done nothing wrong."- DryWeb4417
"NTA."
"Giving time to things you don't enjoy isn't being fair to yourself."
"You gave it a chance to happen, and you gave it a chance to keep on living."
"They are the ones that killed it, not you."- baboonontheride
"NTA."
"The only response to that girl is 'okay so why don't you run it?'"- Professional-Scar628
"NTA."
"There is a really great book club where I live that hosts fun themed parties."
'But they read exclusively dark shadow daddy romantasy."
"I would love to go!"
"But the books don't appeal to me at all. I've also been part of a 'genre book club' (reading a book you choose within an assigned genre/theme vs everyone reading the same book), but a lot of people want to read 1 title, and I'm just not interested in the titles they pick. So I've taken a step back."
"All that to say 1) I totally feel you on the romantasy - it's not my fave even though I love fantasy. 2) you aren't obligated to participate in an activity that doesn't appeal to you anymore.
"Also, I don't know what type of fantasy you read, but I read almost exclusively female authors so that girl can stuff it with her "shitty male gaze" bullsh*t."
"There is plenty of female written and driven fantasy out there that isn't romantasy."- girlwithagnome
"NTA."
"Maybe giving people a option of more than one book would be helpful."
"The dark romance part sounded weird."
"Would have left to."- PreviousZone6742
"NTA."
"Why should you read books you don’t like?"
"It’s not your fault that no one else could apparently handle any of the administrative aspects of the club."- amymari
"NTA."
"People didn't leave because you left."
"They left for the same reason that you left."
"Also seems like they wanted to have a club secretary for free."- morto00x
Discovering that something you always look forward to has ended is always sad and frustrating.
However, the OP didn't end this book club; they simply stepped away from it.
Anyone angry that this book club couldn't sustain itself without the OP's help has no one to blame but themselves.
