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Woman Balks After Boyfriend Scolds Her For Rear-Ending A Car While Driving In Heels

A woman's feet in fancy heels pushing car pedals

It’s rare that we discuss proper driving attire outside of driver’s ed.

Perhaps we all need a refresher.

Can shoes cause an accident?

Case in point…

Redditor emmaheels wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for telling my girlfriend she should not drive in high heels?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My (28 M[ale]) G[irl]Fr[iend], let’s call her Emma (26 F[emale]), likes wearing high heels ever since I have known her.”

“She is self-conscious about her height, but it is not really a big deal when we are together as I am short.”

“She is 5’2, and I am 5’6.”

“The issue, however, is when we go out together, she normally drives, as it is her car, and she drives in her heels.”

“I repeatedly tell her she should switch to flats and not drive in heels as it is dangerous.”

“But she refuses and says she knows how to drive in them and is used to it.”

“And claims in some cases it is easier as you can pivot between pedals better.”

“I think she is not being honest as I can’t possibly see how it would be easier.”

“Last week she got into a small accident and rear-ended someone. I was not there but a car changed lanes in front of her, and she rear-ended it.”

“I bought her some sneakers and told her to use them as driving shoes and left them in her car, and she called me an AH and said her accident had nothing to do with her shoes and that I should drop it.”

“AITA here? I just want her to be safe.”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“You don’t sound like you understand Emma as a person separate from her relationship with you.”

“I infer this because you think that her issues with her height shouldn’t be a problem because you’re not very tall.”

“Why would her perception of her height have anything to do with you?”

“Then you assert the danger of driving in heels.”

“It doesn’t sound like you have any personal experience wearing or driving in heels.”

“But because of your superior mind, you can see that her choices are bad, despite the fact that they relate to things you don’t understand (like what’s easy and hard in heels).”

“Further, you assume that a car accident she was in was caused by her and by her driving in heels.”

“Further, you insist on it being your job to fix what you see as wrong with her.”

“YTA for treating her like a person with no agency of their own and like you know her experience better than her.” ~ BigBayesian

“Excellently worded, and an outstanding analytical breakdown of what OP posted.”

“Another vote for YTA here.” ~ LtDan281

“I’ll tag on to ya’ll and go YTA here.”

“As a woman, I can assure you that my shoes have no influence on my driving capability.”

“And I live in a country where driving stick is the norm.”

“If anything, before I had access to cruise control, I preferred to wear heels on longer drives because my foot is at a more comfortable angle on the accelerator when driving the same speed for long periods of time.” ~ Kakuhan

“Likewise, I’ve been driving in heels for close on thirty years in a country where manual gearboxes have been overwhelmingly more usual than automatics.”

“My lived experience is that I’m far more likely to slip on the pedals in trainers. YTA, OP.” ~ This_Rom_Bites

“Literally learned to drive in heels with a manual car and found it way easier than with sneakers.”

“OP is full of s**t.”

“Remember people: have the confidence of a mediocre man speaking about something he doesn’t know about YTA OP.” ~ Comprehensive_Fly350

“Years ago, when I did drive in heels (I always drove a car with a manual gearbox), I never had a single accident.”

“I eventually had to stop wearing heels for medical reasons and then did have an accident (it wasn’t my fault, though, a guy t – boned me at a junction where I had the right of way. He just pulled out straight into me).”

“You drive what you feel comfortable in.”

“That’s what my driving instructor told me.”

“Some of my friends use those little ballet pump-type shoes just to drive and keep them folded up in a little bag in the car, ready for driving.”

“OP needs to leave his GF be and mind his own business.”

“You really are YTA.” ~ 16Bunny

“And cars are made and constructed with the norm of men’s size, making it harder for women to drive, especially short women, and gives more risk of death for women after an accident.”

“And guess what?”

“Driving with heels made it easier for me because I can access the pedals and breaks easier and be more stable.”

“I drive with heels and without heels, and I feel way more comfortable with heels.”

“I’ll stop putting heels to drive the day they start to construct cars that are more adapted to women, and I already have more risks of dying than men.” ~ Comprehensive_Fly350

“I hear you.”

“I’m not enough of an expert to have an intelligent opinion about the danger of driving in heels.”

“It seems to me like it’d be harder, but if someone wore them all the time, I’d imagine that comfort with heels would at least somewhat mitigate the risk.”

‘I spent several years in graduate school studying human sensorimotor systems, so I have some idea what I’m talking about, but I’m far from an expert.”

“I also haven’t worn heels.”

“Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter here.”

“By that, I mean that assuming it’s a universally acknowledged fact that driving in heels is a bad idea, OP is still TA.”

“All of my original reasons still apply because OP still denies Emma’s agency, still insists that their perceptions are truer than Emma’s.” ~ BigBayesian

“Some people can run in heels.”

“Wearing heels can actually be more comfortable than being barefoot if you are used to it.”

“Why don’t you believe what she says? Have you ever worn heels and driven?”

“It’s like your mansplaining that she cannot possibly drive well because she’s wearing heels.”

“And yes, I’ve driven my car with high heels on.”

“It sounds like an accident, and you are just linking it to her heels because that’s how you see it.”

“It’s not impossible to drive with them on. Maybe you should try it for yourself instead of ‘just wanting her to be safe.'”

“Do you also make girls call you when they get home because you want to know they made it safe?”

“That’s gross.”

“She’s a f**king adult. I think if she told you it’s fine, you should drop it.”  ~ _doughnutblossom

“YTA. Plenty of people drive in heels without any issue.”

“And you completely ignoring her opinion on the matter and insisting you know best (even after confirming she’s a good driver!) is just an AH move.” ~ honey-smile

“YTA. First of all…WTF are you talking about?”

“Where did you get that information, or are you just making assumptions?”

“Second. She’s your girlfriend. Not your property.”

“You’re automatically the a**hole for ‘telling’ her what type of footwear she ‘can’ drive in.”

“You’re an a**hole for thinking you’re entitled to say this and think this way.”

“She’s capable of making decisions about driving without you.”

“You want to control her.” ~ mrslII

“I am not willing to agree with the others who have brought up the window of ‘mansplaining’ or ‘less confidence,’ etc., in this particular case.

“Thing is, driving in high heels is liable to risk.”

“It matters not whether it has happened yet or not or if someone feels comfortable wearing them while driving.”

“There IS a potential risk that can lead to potentially fatal consequences involving multiple fatalities/injuries.”

“That is more than enough reason to not partake in this practice, no matter how you feel about the matter.”

“This feels like someone saying that they shall not wear a flame resistant Jacket when working near a hot zone because ‘nothing has happened yet,’ ‘I don’t feel comfortable wearing it’ etc.”

“OP is ESH.”

“Please lay off the perspective that she is not being honest with you or that her issue with her height has anything to do with you.”

“She may just love wearing high heels, which is okay if there is no potential fatality involved.”

“Drop this ‘know-it-all’ aura.”  ~ RichSpitz64

OP came back to chat…

“Thanks for all the responses, I can’t respond to them all, but I feel I pushed the issue too much and apologized to her.”

“The responses seem mixed but I have spoken to her more about it and I guess it is something really subjective.”

“And depends on the design of the car, pedals, the specific shoe as not all heels are equal, drivers height, practice in them etc.”

“In her case she says in her car, as long as she has good quality floor mats, she has no issues, and she prefers the seat position she uses when she drives in heels.”

“And the only shoes she has trouble with are flip flops or any shoe with slippery soles, which is fair as I have trouble in some slippery dress shoes as well.”

“The laws of most places seem to not call it out specifically. Some have laws that vaguely say proper footwear.”

“And I saw some court cases where heels were blamed or flip flops, but that is only when it could be proved they were a clear cause of the accident.”

“Also, we just heard back that she is not at fault from the insurance.”

Well, OP, it’s always nice to hear a happy update.

Glad you learned a few things — we certainly did.

Wonderful that everyone is safe and sound.