Being in recovery from alcohol addiction is a lifelong process.
People have their own ways of committing to their sobriety.
Not every person a recovering alcoholic encounters will agree with some people’s ways to cope.
This can often spark a lot of debate.
Redditor marsalalover wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for cooking with cooking wine when I am a recovering alcoholic?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am a recovering alcoholic, and I have been sober for 4 years.”
“One thing that came out of sobriety was my love for cooking.”
“In the beginning, it kept me busy, and I didn’t want to drink if I was not hungry.”
“Now, I just love the process of making a delicious meal for myself and my loved ones.”
“Recently I had my family over for a meal.”
“One of the components of the meal was chicken Marsala.”
“I love chicken Marsala.”
“I make and eat it all the time.”
“One of the ingredients is cooking Marsala wine.”
“I brought out the meal and my sister asked what the chicken was, I said it was chicken Marsala.”
“She asked if I used wine.”
“I said I use cooking wine, not regular wine.”
“This started an argument about me using and owning cooking wine as an alcoholic.”
“My sister said that I am relapsing by cooking with it, and I have basically been lying to them about being sober.”
“I argued back that you don’t get drunk from eating food with cooking wine.”
“You are ingesting some alcohol, but the whole recipe had 2/3 of a cup of wine, my portion has even less.”
“I make this because it’s delicious, not because it gets me buzzed.”
“It also does not trigger any cravings for me to drink.”
“If I buy a bottle, I use it to cook, and it sits untouched in the cabinet until I need it to cook next time.”
“She ended up leaving and yelled at me not to talk to her until I’m actually sober.'”
“My mother agrees with me that I am not lying about sobriety by eating foods with wine in them.”
“But when I looked it up online, there are some people who think that I am not being honest if I cook with alcohol.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for cooking with cooking wine when I am a recovering alcoholic?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I’m a recovering alcoholic, sober for 3 years.”
“My rule of thumb is if a child can eat/drink something, so can I.”
“There’s some reasonable debate about N/A beer because it’s not actually N/A; it’s 0.5% ABV.”
“I choose not to drink it because I never liked beer anyway, but if I did, I’d not consider it a relapse.”
“The 12-step crowd not only has some pretty strict and extreme views on sobriety, but they’re big on guilt and shame.”
“If your sister is in AlAnon, that would explain this behavior.” ~ MenorahsaurusRex
“If that’s all you’re using it for, that’s a testament to your recovery.”
“If you cook it properly, there’s no alcohol content, so don’t worry about your sobriety.”
“And as a drunk who enjoys cooking, the cooking wine is the last thing I’ll touch.”
“Not strong enough to do much and more enjoyable in a sauce than anything else.” ~ soreness
“I have some sober time.”
“I cook with wine.”
“Adds a great depth of flavor!”
“Once cooked there is a trace of alcohol left.”
“A trace.”
“Not enough to have the cops step up when you feed chicken Marsala to a child.”
“Even my hard-a** sponsor didn’t have a problem with me cooking with wine.”
“Keep cooking with cooking wine and enjoy your food.”
“Sis can pound sand and wind her damn neck back. NTA.” ~ West_House_2085
“Most alcohol cooks off when you’re cooking.”
“As for having it in the house, if you’re able to see it in the same way you see salt and pepper, I wouldn’t worry.”
“Your sister needs to have a little faith in you.” ~ old_motters
“No! NTA!”
“The key phrases are all here.”
“Sober. 4 years Replaced bad habits with good habits that use the cooking version of habit for flavor – not getting buzzed off food.”
“But, your sister can have a completely different perspective when it comes to what constitutes sobriety.”
“I don’t think cooking wine is a bad idea.”
“Food is my love language too.” ~ i_really_needa_know
“NTA. Cooking with wine absolutely does not mean you have relapsed.”
“If you were secretly drinking your cooking wine, it would be a different story.”
“One problem that we face in sobriety (5 years for me) is that some people think we’re always still wanting to drink or that if we were keeping secrets during active addiction, we can’t be trusted now.
“It’s frustrating, but we just have to live our lives and prove them wrong.” ~ KatieGPotatie
“NTA. What a weird hill to die on for your sister.”
“She obviously had no idea that you have been cooking with wine for however long now.”
“As far as I can tell, that means you’ve shown no symptoms of being an alcoholic because, ya know, you’re sober.”
“For 4 YEARS.”
“Congratulations, and just keep cooking.”
“Your sister should come around when she realizes that cooking with something doesn’t make you addicted to that thing.” ~ Zenpora
“NTA. Children eat beer-battered fish or pasta with vodka sauce and it’s perfectly safe.”
“It adds flavor and texture, not alcohol content.” ~ Pys70ph
“NTA this is such a bizarre extension of the abstinence model.”
“S**t like AA pushes the myth that once you’re an ‘addict,’ you can’t so much as touch a drop of alcohol without ‘falling off the wagon.'”
“It’s so extremely harmful to those in recovery.”
“If you’re keeping it in the house without having the urge to chug it for the buzz, I’d say you’re doing great.” ~ cunninglinguist32557
“NTA. To start, your journey and sobriety is your own responsibility so it is what you say it is.”
“Some people would say they fell off the wagon if they consumed any alcohol but if you don’t agree that’s your decision.”
“Second, no. To me being sober is not about a trace blood alcohol reading, it’s about behaviors, etc.” ~ 4614065
“21 years booze free and usually use balsamic vinegar to good effect for most recipes that want wine.”
“However, I cooked with white wine left at my house by a guest, and it didn’t trigger a thing.”
“I decided years ago to never drink again, and I’m not changing my mind. Your sister may just be concerned and afraid you’ll go back.”
“I get that.”
“But you are NTA.”
“Keep going strong, and fly yer own plane.”
“You got this.” ~ Itchy_Undertow-1
“NTA. We are 9 years sober.”
“We eat beer batter items, cook with wine, etc.”
“What is important is your intent.”
“Your intent is not to escape, but to dine.”
“Congratulations on your past 24 hours!” ~ Velma88
“I think totally avoiding a substance is still being tied to it.”
“If you are able to have it in the house and show restraint, that shows actual healing instead of just running away from every trigger entirely.” ~ reachmewitharay
OP responded…
“That’s where I am at now.”
“I can cook with alcohol and be ok at this point.”
“Early in sobriety, if I had vodka in the house, I would drink it on a bad day.”
“But I’m at the point now that when someone came over recently and gave me a fifth of vodka because they didn’t know I was sober; I was able to let that sit for a long time because I am just not tempted to drink.”
“Even when I go through a rough time.”
“I used the vodka to make vodka sauce eventually, and it was tasty.”
“I also don’t mind if people drink around me or even if they bring alcohol to drink in my house.”
“I’m happy and secure in my sobriety and have been for a solid couple of years now.”
“Having alcohol in the house doesn’t bother me.”
“But I also don’t see cooking wine as a drink, more like an ingredient like vinegar.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA – You are in charge of your sobriety, not your sister or your parents.”
“Eating Chicken Marsala doesn’t break your sobriety, in my opinion.”
“Following a standard where not even trace amounts of alcohol are allowed in the food that you eat, there would be so much that wouldn’t be allowed.”
“Is vanilla extract allowed?”
“Vinegar? Mustard?” ~ Taotipper
“NTA. Does she bake?”
“If so ask her what kind of vanilla she uses, because good vanilla is made with alcohol.” ~ MistyPneumonia
“NTA. First off, congratulations on your continued sobriety.”
“When you cook with alcohol, the vast majority of the actual alcohol is cooked away, so the amount you would be ingesting is minuscule.”
“It sounds like your sister has some issues regarding either your previous alcoholism or someone else’s.”
“It might be something to try and discuss with her once things have cooled off a little.” ~ Mindless-Client3366
“NTA… your sister is acting like you’re out here getting drunk off your cooking wine, which says more about how she sees you than how you actually are as a person.”
“Not to mention that she fails to comprehend that alcohol burns off while you’re cooking.”
“By the time you’re done simmering your food, you’ve evaporated up to 95% of the alcohol content (depending on how long you’re cooking for).”
“She’s being ridiculous.” ~ Cptbanshee
“NTA for a few good reasons.”
“More and most importantly is genuine congrats on 4 years of sobriety.”
“That’s incredible!” ~ JunkDrawerExistence
“I was so confused for a minute before I realized you were not referring to the curry dish chicken masala, but to an Italian-American pasta dish I’ve never heard of, lol.”
“Your family are idiots.”
“The very act of cooking a wine makes it non-alcoholic.”
“You’d be in more danger of getting drunk by eating rotting fruit than a dish cooked with alcohol. NTA.” ~ DamnitGravity
“Recovering addict here.”
“It doesn’t matter what someone else defines my sobriety as because I know I’m sober.”
“Someone else does not get to define what sobriety is for you.”
“Definitely NTA.” ~ KayCatMeow
“Hmm… NTA but I think you might want to consider your past with your sister – how affected was she by the time period when you were an alcoholic?”
“It could be that seeing you use the wine triggered memories or fears of that time for her.”
“Maybe try approaching her with the perspective of trying to find out what she’s thinking.” ~ codeverity
“NTA I think that anyone who knows food/cooking knows that the alcohol pretty much just cooks out in dishes like this.”
“Does your sister have a superiority complex?”
“I can’t see why else she threw a fit and left, it is really odd behavior.”
“Especially since she feeds her kids stew she’s put wine in!!” ~JenninMiami
“NTA. Would she say this if you used traditional mouthwash?”
“You’re just as likely to get a buzz off some Colgate as you are from that tiny amount of cooking wine (which is nasty).”
“Your sister is either ignorant of how addiction and sobriety really work, or she’s intentionally making a scene for some reason.” ~ Rep_girlie
Reddit is firmly on your side, OP.
Your sister was out of line.
Perhaps she should attend an Al-anon meeting to understand how people truly cope with sobriety.
She may be coping with her own issues surrounding your past alcoholism.
Stay strong.
And congratulations on your 4 YEARS!!!