Borrowing things, borrowing money, it can all be a mess.
Lending anything in life can break even the closest of loved ones relationships.
Lending clothes and cash is how people end up on Judge Judy.
True story.
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not allowing my best friend to wear my red bottom heels to her bridal shower?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I, female have a childhood best friend of over 16 years who’s getting married next month.”
“We’ve always borrowed each others clothes and shoes just how best friends do!”
“I also want to say this first, I’m not materialistic at all.”
“I received the shoes from my mom as a gift, and I’ve only worn them two times.”
“They are my special occasion heels and they mean a lot to me because I know my mom worked really hard to be able to gift me them!”
“Yesterday my best friend came over and she wanted to borrow black heels and I was like yeah!”
“Go through the closet and she pulled the box out tried them on and was like “OMGG!”
“‘These are the ones they’ll go perfect with my dress.'”
“I then said I’d love to let you borrow anything but those, and she said seriously?”
“It’s my bridal shower.”
“I said I know I’m just not comfortable with you wearing them.”
“She took them off and said don’t worry about the shoes I’ll find my own, she left a few minutes after and texted me saying that wasn’t cool and that she would do it for me.”
“I just wrote back and said ‘I know, but I’d also respect your things.’”
“It’s been a day and I haven’t heard from her.”
“AMITA for not feeling bad?
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Tell your friend to buy her own things if she’s going to be that sassy about it.”
“No one is entitled to your stuff.” ~ fullstar2020
“Also time to set strict boundaries.”
“Absence of clear boundaries is a big reason for conflicts in any relationship.”
“Friend is acting entitled and ready to ruin a long friendship just for her shower. NTA.” ~ needfulsalsa
“And the red bottom shoes (us women know who they are by) are very expensive.”
“I don’t blame OP because it would not have been cool if she broke a heel or spilled on them.”
“They were a special gift.”
“Sorry the friend couldn’t show them off and pretend they were hers.”
“But they are not.” ~ RavenLunatyk
“You would also think her best friend would understand why she didn’t want her to borrow them.”
“It’s very childish, but typical of brides thinking the world revolves around them because they are getting married. NTA OP.” ~ Countrach
“Agreed. OP might have headed it off by saying anything except the red bottom Heels.”
“Friend could still get pissy but maybe not.”
“I think the friend absolutely wanted those specific heels in the first place. NTA.” ~ annoyingusername99
“NTA. Best friends don’t borrow each other’s underwear and don’t borrow red bottomed shoes.” ~ Impossible
“Frankly I wouldn’t lend shoes to anyone – red bottom or plain brown because shoes.”
“Both the leather uppers and the soles and insoles conform to the user’s feet so if you lend out your shoes they are inevitably going to not fit as well when you get them back.”
“Not to mention that the interior of shoes can become unpleasant potentially with fungus and other stuff that is carried on feet.”
“Not to mention perspiration since most women don’t wear stockings with shoes so they are putting their bare sweaty feet into the shoes.”
“ETA. I have watched a few true crime episodes in which there are forensic experts on shoe wear and have been able to match shoes based on the wear pattern of both the soles and insoles.”
“This isn’t just the way soles look when they are ‘new’ but every person has a distinctive wear pattern in terms of how they walk; the arch of their feet; toes etc.”
“It is why buying used shoes isn’t a good thing unlike used vintage clothing which is great.”
“You really wouldn’t want to use hand-me-down shoes for your kids versus clothing which is a wise thing.” ~ Jujulabee
“I’m sure OP told her about those shoes.”
“You know she came over to borrow THOSE shoes.”
“OP is NTA and I can’t even imagine trying to borrow those.”
“People walk differently and their feet can swell.”
“Yeah I learned in middles school that was a bad idea when a friend ruined a pair of dress shoes.” ~ 84unicorn
“I agree that OP is NTA purely on principle.”
“Then I looked up what red bottoms are, and holy sh*t, bride is entitled.” ~ johnny_evil
“NTA. These are the thousand dollar a pair shoes, correct?”
“Nobody should be expecting to borrow those.”
“And honestly, a bridal shower?”
“That’s not exactly a meeting with the Pope.” ~ spiffsome
“The real financial flex with shoes like this is can you afford the cab and concierge lifestyle that makes them genuinely ‘wearable.'”
“I used to be a stylist and people with way too much money used to find it quite shrug that their Manolos and Louboutins would break on unexpected floor surfaces, grass or if they got drunk and forgot to treat them like precious china.”
“Then they’d buy another pair.”
“A couple of them broke themselves in them ending up with broken feet or toes or ankles and still bought them.”
“Meanwhile it was the only time I felt Carrie Bradshaw had a valid point.”
“Treat the shoes with respect, they are often one off seasons and irreplaceable, animals died for the leather and the craftmanship is valuable too and stop being so wasteful acting like they are pedicure flip flops.”
“I had one pair and looking back I am not sure why suffering to wear them was so important to me but god I loved them.”
“And I stand by setting up a registry for new ones if anyone steals them or damages them.”
“Especially if you have already paid for gifts for their life choices like a wedding.”
“And considering Carrie was the selfishness equivalent of a glitter bomb, if she is on the right side, someone is being a**hole of the year.”
“NTA. Also please god people do not share leather shoes you wear without socks/hose/foot condoms like the shoe shop gives you.”
“It’s incredibly unhygienic.”
“And terrible for the leather.”
“We used all kinds of foot covers depending if it was a photo shoot or personal shopping.”
“Including little strips not unlike the ones on the gusset of underwear.”
“And we covered the soles to protect the red from scuffing.”
“I once did 50 pairs before a shoot and swore off him for Jimmy Choo for life in petty revenge.” ~ IFeelMoiGerbil
“Oh!! I just caught on they are Christian Louboutin shoes.”
“I am trying to figure out what’s special about these shoes.”
“NTA. Even if they weren’t Louboutin shoes.”
“But now I understand why the friend was gunning for them.”
“Oh yeah — she knew she wanted to wear those. Then she had the nerve to be ‘upset.'” ~ REDDIT
“NTA… they sell that color red paint at Michael’s.”
“She can make an almost identical pair for herself.” ~ throwaway_pom
“NTA. She asked, you said no.”
“End of discussion.”
“And yes, I totally understand your attachment, and think you were perfectly reasonable in not wanting her to borrow them.”
“I think it was pretty entitled of her to even ask in the first place.”
“Not just a regular pair of shoes.” ~ MommaPantsOnFire
“NTA. Totally irrelevant but I recall reading that Martha Stewart colors the bottom of her red sole shoes with a Sharpie.” ~penguin_squeak
“NTA. She’s the a**hole for not knowing how to get a no as an answer.” ~ danniluna
“NTA. It looks like she is taking advantage of her best friend title here.”
“Your response to her was perfect.”
“When people say apply boundaries, they are saying just that.”
“And if they don’t respect it, then you change the PEOPLE in your life, NOT the boundaries.” ~ 4ncutie
“NTA. Unless you have a closet full of $1k shoes, it’s inappropriate for her to even ask to borrow those.”
“They aren’t just any shoes.” ~ ASlightHiccup
“Even if she did have a closet full of 1k dollar shoes, she said no.”
“She offered to let her borrow any other pair of shoes.”
“Just not the pair that her mom bought her.”
“It would be purely sentimental value, at that point, but the fact is, that she didn’t have to let her friend borrow ANYTHING.”
“Not clothes. Not shoes. Nothing.”
“She was being nice, and her friend thought she was entitled to her things.”
“That’s not cool, no matter the value of anything else in her closet.” ~ Bat_Woman_
“She wanted you to loan her, your Louboutins?”
“Not in this lifetime, sweetheart. Not for anything.”
“They were gifted to you by your mom.”
“You don’t have to let anybody wear them.”
“I don’t even know if I would dare wear them if I had any… NTA.”
“A cheap pair is almost $800. Again.”
“NTA Red paint is much cheaper.”
“Tell her to go to Michael’s.” ~ REDDIT
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
Your property, your rules.
Hopefully your friend will understand after she takes a little time to cool off.