We've all been surprised to be told "no" over something in our lives.
Particularly if it was in response to something we were confident would be told "yes" to.
Of course, no matter how we may actually feel at this news, the mature thing to do is to accept the rejection gracefully and move on with our lives.
Unfortunately, not everyone is quite so willing to take "no" for an answer.
Redditor JustSomeUncleGuy was making something very special for his wife.
When the original poster (OP)'s niece got wind of what he was making, his brother asked him if she could have it instead.
The OP politely declined, offering what he thought was a more than reasonable alternative.
But the OP's niece, brother, and most of his family, all couldn't believe he could dare to say "no".
Wondering if he was being inconsiderate to his niece, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not giving the "dollhouse" I built to my niece, but to my wife as a gift?"
The OP shared why a special gift he was making for his wife got him in trouble with the rest of his family:
"I (28 M[ale]) made my wife (28 F[emale]) a replica of a house that's known to fans of a musician, but wouldn't mean much to others."
"It's about 2 feet tall and wasn't very complicated to build, but my wife had said a few times over last year that she thought it would be cool to have for little trinkets."
"She's like a crow with her trinkets, I love it."
"She didn't know I was making it for her, but I did sneakily involve her in its creation through having her make a couple TikToks when we were out together so I could get the colors right."
"She has no idea, lol."
"I was excited, so I showed a picture to my brother."
"He told me it was cool, but didn't get the purpose."
"He showed it to my niece Ava (13 F) who knew what it was and said she wanted one too."
"My brother asked if I would give it to Ava for her birthday."
"I said no, it's for my wife, but I could make one with Ava."
"It would help teach her some basic woodworking skills which they don't do in schools here anymore."
"I'd like that."
"Brother said if it was so easy then I could make a second one for my wife and just give this one to Ava since her bday is the end of the month."
"Again I said no, this was done specifically for my wife."
"He seemed to accept that but then came back to me and said 'Isn't it a little weird to make a dollhouse for an adult woman?'"
"I told him it's not a dollhouse, just a fancy shelf."
"He argued that makes it worse, because Ava would actually 'play' with it."
"He must have gone to complain to mom about it (he is the younger brother) because mom called me to tell me that it was 'stupid' to give my wife a dollhouse."
"I tried to explain that it's not a dollhouse but she just kept saying 'that's stupid'."
"This weekend I was at their house and Ava kept bringing up the house and laying it on thick with statements like 'I've alway wanted one just like it'."
"She kept asking why my wife wanted a dollhouse."
"I said it's not a dollhouse, but she kept asking why she needed a dollhouse."
"I told my brother that he was encouraging his kid to be manipulative and I really didn't like it, so I was going to leave."
"He told me that I was dangling the house over her head like McDonald's and teasing her and that it made me a bad uncle."
"Being a good uncle is important to me and I do feel for the girl because she's a big fan too."
"I admit I have a blind spot for this because I don't have kids and maybe I shouldn't have shared the picture with my brother to begin with."
"Yes, it WAS easy to make and I COULD make another quickly.
"Ava isn't my brother's biological daughter, there's a long story involved that I didn't want to add."
"I still see her as my niece regardless."
"Am I really the a**hole for not just giving it to her?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to give the house he was making for his wife to Ava.
Everyone agreed that Ava needed to learn that she couldn't always get what she wanted, and were shocked that his brother not only enabled Ava's behavior but sneered at the OP's suggestion to make another house with Ava:
"'My brother asked if I would give it to Ava for her birthday'."
"Damn that's assumptive, lol."
"What an entitled ask."
"'Brother said if it was so easy then I could make a second one for my wife and just give this one to Ava since her bday is the end of the month'."
"Ballsy ask demand. O_O."
"'this was done specifically for my wife'."
"'He seemed to accept that but then came back to me and said "Isn't it a little weird to make a dollhouse for an adult woman?"'"
"Resorting to belittling and insulting comments about your wife when he doesn't get his way."
"'He must have gone to complain to mom about it (he is the younger brother) because mom called me to tell me that it was 'stupid' to give my wife a dollhouse'."
"Enlisting a flying monkey to amp up the pressure to get his way."
"'He told me that I was dangling the house over her head like McDonald's and teasing her and that it made me a bad uncle'."
"I'm not sure how you can't see what an AH your brother is."
"He's manipulative, insulting and a terrible parent too, teaching his child to be just like himself."
"I wouldn't give them a single thing."
"However, if you want to, offer to make one with your niece."
"Your idea about using the project to teach woodshop is excellent!"
"You are a good uncle, you just won't let your brother walk all over you and he doesn't like that."
"Tough t*tties, lol."
"It's important that you show them you have enough self respect to not allow them to take advantage of you."
"You are NTA."
"Your brother is a massive one."- IamIrene
"I'm guessing the 'dollhouse' is a replica of the Lover House?"
"If it's anything like I'm imagining or what I've seen online, it is more like a fancy storage display for her Taylor Swift memorabilia rather than a toy anyway."
"NTA in either case, OP. It's your creation that you get to gift to whoever you want."-amoamareamaviamatus
"NTA, very clearly."
"'because Ava would actually "play" with it'."
"Also I really doubt that Ava would use that house to play with her dolls in it."
"She is 13."
"At that age girls generally don't play with dolls anymore."
"I do feel for the girl because she's a big fan too."
"And that is the real reason why she wants the house."
"She is the fan of the same musician as OP's wife."
"She is just using the dollhouse argument and that she wants to play with it to manipulate OP and because her father and grandmother use that argument, too."- opelan
"Pay the Lover house trinket shelf tax please, I want to see it!"
"NTA by far."- Current_Two_7395
"NTA."
"Jeweller speaking here."
"Think of it this way: If I made my partner a ring, pendant, etc."
"Exactly to her specifications (especially cute because you've also kept it a secret!)"
"Then someone else comes along and says to you 'Oh I love it and I want it and you must give it to me'."
"'And why would you give it to your partner?'"
"'They won't use it like I will!'"
"Quite frankly it doesn't matter if they are family."
"Family don't end in blood boy."
"They are just being selfish and manipulative a**holes."
"F*ck 'em."
"Give your wife the amazing gift you made for her and enjoy it with someone who genuinely values the time and effort you put into it rather than the people who demand it."- UndyingCattoo
It's surprising enough that the OP's brother was bold enough to simply ask the OP to give the house to Ava when the OP made it clear that this was a special gift he was making for his wife.
Even more surprising, though, is that almost complete lack of emotion or excitement at the OP's proposal to make a special house alongside Ava.
As that would have helped Ava learn that the most special gifts are the gifts that have meaning behind them.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.