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Woman Bans Republican BIL From Her House After Discovering He Got A Secret Swastika Tattoo

Guy getting tattoo on his arm
Halfdark/GettyImages

The division has intensified in the current political environment and such polarizing among family members in particular should not be taken lightly.

The easiest solution to maintaining the status quo is to avoid discussing conflicting ideology and political views at any family gathering.

One woman found this to be a challenge on one occasion when seeing her in-laws, who non-verbally demonstrated they clashed over a specific point of view.

When voiced her concern after some time passed, it led to drama, which prompted her to visit the “Am I the A** Hole?” (AITAH) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.

There, Redditor Dramatic_Net_5062 asked:

“AITAH for not immediately confronting my BIL over his tattoo and asking him to leave my house?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I, 26 F[female], was recently visited by my husbands, two sisters, their partners, and their two children as they live about 6 hours away and were staying with family near us on their way to a camping weekend and spent the day with us before moving on.”

“My BIL is my polar opposite and to an extent, his wife (husband’s sister) though she mostly keeps her views to herself and on a surface level, we seem to have a lot of common ground,d but in the same breathe, we don’t, because of who she chose to marry and his views. She’s just not as likely to raise things like that in a family setting (politics, religion), etc.”

“BIL owns his own company and has been warned by friends/family not to promote his political views on his work vehicles (they’re all Republican) a couple of years ago and made a big deal about it before ultimately deciding not to but it’s still something brought up to this day that he was silenced and that anyone who would deny his service over politics was stupid amongst other not so nice things.”

The OP continued:

“Despite all of this, we’ve maintained a surface-level relationship as we don’t talk directly to each other (no reason to honestly, not for any particular reason), and when we see each other in person, he’s actually quite nice to talk to, and we’ve had a good laugh together.”

“In the 8 years I’ve been in the family, I boiled it down to being in the south (I’m originally from a less religious country) and that it was just how parts of America were, and not once have I heard him make racist statements in my presence.”

“This changed during the visit when he unveiled that he had bought a tattoo gun from Amazon and had tattooed a small but very distinctive swastika on his upper thigh.”

“He obviously did it with the intent that, technically, it would always be covered, and no one would know, but I guess he felt the need to show us and let us in on it. I didn’t say anything in the moment, my husband and I spoke quietly about it in the kitchen and decided it wasn’t worth ruining the visit over as we wanted to see the children.”

Unfortunately, this wasn’t a situation where the concern would just go away on its own.

“However, when they left my SIL messaged me only a few hours later that she noticed our reactions and wanted to make sure everything was ok.”

“We hadn’t discussed what we were going to do going forward yet, but I guess I decided for us that I would broach the topic and tell her that I’m not comfortable with her husband visiting our house anymore and that any visits down their way, we would be civil but we would not stay with them for the visit and it would mostly be about her, the children and my other SIL.”

“She got very upset over text with me and seemed mostly hung up on if we had such a problem with it, why didn’t we say anything in the moment?”

“I argued that we didn’t want to escalate it despite feeling guilty for being a bystander in a way to it all. I don’t think that it would have been right in front of the children either, and honestly, I really didn’t think that anyone I would be associated with would do something like that.”

“Im not worried that I was in the wrong for essentially setting boundaries and cutting ties but I always thought that I would be able to confront something like this directly when I saw it and I ultimately didn’t.”

“AITAH for waiting for them to leave?

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.

“NTA.”

“He and her wanted a reaction. They wanted the drama.”

“Stop giving her a pass, she married a racist nazi.”

“Getting a swastika tat is going to lead to one of two reactions. 1. Wow, you are a POS like me. Or 2. You are a racist POS. He knows it. She knows it. They know where you stand already. He wanted to stir up crap. You did not give it to them. Which honestly, you are a better person than me.” – DuePromotion287

“NTA, although a more devious reaction would have been ‘Wow, I can’t believe you did that. I have to get a picture of that (include his face in the picture).’ Then post to social media and tag his company, perhaps with his quote about how anyone who wouldn’t want to do business with him because of his views is an idiot. If he wants a reaction, let his customers give him one.” – dataslinger

“Yep. The SIL calling after the fact to say she ‘noticed your reactions’ just shows that she was looking for your reactions.”

“BIL’s (and by proxy, SIL’s) sole motivation for showing you his tattoo was to start some drama. They were hoping your reaction would result in a heated confrontation so that they could act all slighted and have reason to demean you and your political views (likely with some catchy ‘woke’ talking points).”

“She was calling because they were perturbed that you kept it in check and proved to be the better humans. They still needed that reason to feel slighted.”

“Sounds like you handled it just perfectly, OP. The real test will be if your husband stands by your decisions, or if he’s pulled to ‘look the other way’ because it’s family.” – KinksAreForKeds

“NTA.”

“Confronting a Nazi could be extremely dangerous. Removing him safely from your home before having this conversation was absolutely the right thing to do. Your SIL is also a Nazi if she is happy to be married to a man who wants to tattoo himself with a hate symbol. You shouldn’t have any kind of contact with either of them going forward. Even if that means you can’t see the children.” – Cursd818

“She wants to play the victim just as badly as he did with his car stickers. When you wear on your skin the symbol of monsters who murdered tens of millions of innocent people finding a way to play the victim is tough.”

“Just tell her he’s a nazi and she’s a nazi sympathizer, and you want nothing more to do with either of them. They’ll raise their kids to be like them too, stay away from them all.” – Beth21286

“Exactly. I just can’t understand how anyone could support the Nazi party, let alone tattoo its symbol on their body. I don’t care about the swastika’s origins…. Nazis turned it into a symbol of hate, violence, and oppression, and it simply has no place in today’s world. Good for her for standing up for herself.”

“If someone got a swastika tattoo, I’d cut ties with them. And if anyone had a problem with that, I’d cut them off too.”

“OP is definitely NTA here.” – Evelynema

“Definitely NTA. It is one thing to have certain political views, but the swastika is a symbol of bigotry, hate, and oppression. It has no place in today’s society, and anyone who puts something like that on their body would never be in my company, and certainly not in the company of my children. I don’t care whether you are from the south, the north, or Mars.”

“I also do not think you were wrong for not saying something there and then. My initial reaction to such a revelation would be total shock, and when something like that happens, you were right to speak with your husband privately and take no immediate action. This is something that needed to be deliberated and carefully discussed, and having a full-on confrontation in front of your children and his would not make sense in my opinion.”

“It is really hard for me to comprehend why someone could support the Nazi party, let alone put its symbol on their body. I don’t care what the origins of the swastika are. The Nazis made it a symbol of hate, murder, and oppression, and it simply has no place in today’s world. Good for you for standing up for yourself.” – EsquireMI

Overall, Redditors were repulsed by the BIL’s support of the extremist group that supported the mass extermination of millions of Jewish people.

As far as Redditors were concerned, they thought the OP and her family should steer clear of the BIL and his wife, especially since she is part of the problem by association.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo