Redditor Background-Soft9761 has a dorm roommate who does not respect an agreement they had discussed when it came to bringing girls over for "private time."
Recently, the Redditor returned to the dorm without being given a heads-up warning that a "do not disturb" situation was taking place.
The ensuing confrontation was a disaster, and in the process of shaming the roommate about his bedtime practices, the Redditor may have hurled a few F-bombs.
When an attempt at reconciling also failed, he visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA for not leaving the room when my roommate uses his snuggling services and calling him cringe?"
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
"I live in a dormitory, I share a room with my roommate."
"We had a rule from the beginning if one of us ever had a girl we were going to have private time with, we must give the other person 5 hours notice and the other person must leave."
"It worked out ok, I always texted my roommate whenever I brought girls over. I rarely use it now as my girlfriend has her own place by herself so I go there."
"My roommate however doesn't respect this rule and he often rents women out to snuggle with. Yes, he doesn't have sex with them, he pays women between 750-1000 grand an hour to snuggle."
"That's so f'king cringe, especially since you can get a prostitute for less than half that and just pay them to snuggle. Using a prostitute is usually pretty pathetic, but paying someone to snuggle you is beyond that."
"I walked in on my roommate snuggling. He told me to leave, I said no because he did not respect that rule and I had a major assignment I have to do, all of our work got lost because my friend's computer with all of it broke".
"The sh*t had to be uploaded within 3 hours."
"He demanded I leave and I told him to stop yelling and just ignore me. I was just typing on my computer. He continued to yell at me and the snuggle prostitute told him to chill out and let me be and they can just cuddle and he says I'm ruining the experience he paid for."
"After the 5th time he told me to go out, I just yelled 'SHUT THE F'K UP MY GOD YOU ARE SO F'KING PATHETIC YOU KNOW THAT HAVING TO PAY SOMEONE FOR SNUGGLES F'KING HELL GET HELP MAN.' "
"He ended up actually leaving. The woman said something to me in what I think was Xhosa but I have no clue. No idea why she thought I would speak Xhosa, nor why she was speaking Xhosa when she was white."
"Roommate comes back a few days later and says I really hurt him and we need to fix things. I told him he needs to chill out."
"He ended up going back to Pretoria so I dont know what happens now, i think he's moving to a new dorm."
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
People thought the blame could go both ways.
"ESH - He didn't respect the agreement by giving 5 hours notice, and definitely pushed it by insisting you leave several times. That said, it seems like you're sitting on a lot of judgment about the snuggling and that broke through a lot in your response."
"Lastly, Snuggle Prostitute would be a great band name." – Jon_Jraper
"ESH. You have a girlfriend, so you have human touch, and you MOCK him for desiring the same thing, even though it's without sex? Do you and your GF just cuddle?"
"Yes, he broke the agreement, but F'K, do NOT mock someone because they just want to be touched. Shaming him for a basic human NEED is a REAL a**hole thing to do! He over-reacted, yes, but you were TOTALLY an AH!" – YourImaginaryFried
"ESH. Your roommate for not respecting the 5 hour rule. You're an AH for calling him cringe and insulting him. It's his time and money aka none of your business aka nothing you should judge him for."
"edit: if you are genuinely worried about this habit of him, calling him cringe won't do it. Talk about your concerns in a calm and respectful way." – Exotic_Flounder_7305
"ESH. What your roommate spends his money on is his business. If he prefers to cuddle with someone and finds that is as far as he is willing to go, you need to respect that."
"Some people just like cuddling. He should respect the five-hour agreement. He doesn't want a pr0$+itute because soliciting can get you arrested. 'I only wanted to cuddle.' Would not go well with the police."
"If you catch him again, walk away or get what you need and leave. No comments." – Special-Attitude-242
"ESH but dude check your toxic traits and maybe talk to a therapist about why you have such hangups around this stuff. You kinda seem angry about the cuddling service more than anything. Hell, maybe ask your gf for a hug." – NootDear
"ESH, leaning towards YTA, he broke the rules, that was sucky, but you're TA for calling him cringe and insulting him. Do you not cuddle with your gf? Why is wanting human touch cringe?" - imwhateverimis
"ESH. Your roommate obviously sucks for not respecting the 5 hour rule. Roommate agreements are sacrosanct unless there is communication for otherwise."
"You suck for behaving like an arrogant douche. He's probably touch-starved, but doesn't crave sex, and he can clearly afford it."
"It's not your business what he does with his money and time away from you. You're really not coming off well if you think needing non-sexual human contact is cringe...." – Queen-PRose
"ESH your roommate for how he was acting and the way he dismissed the rule and you."
"Your disgusting racist 'why is she speaking Xhosa if she's white' are you that ignorant that people can belong to a race regardless of their color?"
"And of course how you treated your roommate you were rude and harsh in. You both sound like 12 year olds so immature." – stonerdetective_
Overall, Redditors did not look favorably upon both men. The roommate was denounced for not respecting the privacy rule, and the OP was slammed for shaming him for his snuggling preference.
Hopefully, the two incompatible guys will no longer be roommates as the OP mentioned the snuggler was moving into a new dorm.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.