For some reason it has to be said time and time again: people’s relationships are nobody’s business but the parties involved.
Yes, there are unique circumstances that may call for some intervention if said relationship affects others, but other than that exception, meddling people are usually only selfishly motivated to do so.
A person on Reddit was accused of ruining her sister’s honeymoon after revealing their mother is dating the man her sister forced her to break up with, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor South_Sir_ asked:
“Aitah for ruining my sister’s honeymoon?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Mom and dad got divorced when my sister Sam and I were 13 and 10.”
“That was 12 years ago.”
“My father was a cheater and still is (onto his forth marriage).”
“Mom met her bf G a year after the divorce but she kept it a secret and didn’t introduce him to us until two years later.”
“Until she was sure that he was the one.”
“That was the time I have seen my mother the happiest in a relationship (she’s always been a happy and bubbly person).”
“Sam hated G with all her might because she loves my father very much and he was very heartbroken that mom moved on.”
“He even attempted on his own life.”
“My sister never forgave my mom for it and threatened to cut contact if my mom didn’t dump her bf.”
“My mom did.”
“Afterwards my mom was very depressed and down but my sister and dad were happy.”
“Then my sister left for college a few months later.”
“I know for a fact that my mom started seeing her bf again a year ago, she’s been happy again.”
“My sister got married last weekend yesterday we had a lunch before she and her husband were to leave for their honeymoon.”
“When I arrived, she waa a bit down.”
“Apparently she asked mom to join us but mom declined.”
“So she opened up saying that since mom dumped her bf she has been very distant and cold with my sister.”
“Never rude or mean or angry, just cold.”
“If she asked her anything or needed something, mom would be there for her (like when my sister had severe covid) but other than that, she never contacted my sister on her own volition.”
“My sister was telling me that maybe mom never will be happy again because of her ending her relationship.”
“I told her not to worry about it because they are still seeing each other behind our backs and that mom seemed very happy.”
“My sister was shocked and she started yelling in the middle of the restaurant and started trying to call mom to ask her.”
“Them she called an ah for never telling her before now.”
“I just never thought it was a secret that I was hiding.”
“Just a private matter and I thought my sister knew too because how couldn’t she realize that mom has been happy again and have been going for weekend getaways.”
“My sister is not demanding that mom would break up with her bf or she would go no contact and I feel like the ah for everything including miscalculating that my sister still has the same stan.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and decided OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA – Your sister is over-reacting.”
“Not everything is about her.”
“P.S. You didn’t ruin her honeymoon.” – Irrasible
“NTA you should have told her in front of her husband how terrible she was for what she did to your mom.” – AsuraRathalos
“NTA. Tell your sister to leave her husband because you don’t like him.”
“If she refuses or tells you, you can’t ask her that, tell her that’s exactly what she’s doing to your mom.” – ImpassionateGods001
“NTA- Your sister is an adult and so is your mother, if your mother wants to live her life and that makes your sister unhappy then it’s not her problem.”
“Also, you’re not responsible for your sister’s emotions or reactions, if she wants to throw a tantrum that’s her problem” – concreteangel47
They did, however, think the sister was an a**hole (AH) for breaking up their mother’s relationship in the first place.
“You’re TA for telling your sister that your mom is dating instead of calling her out on her sh*tty, hypocritical behavior deeply hurting your mom.”
“It’s okay for dad to go through four marriages,, but mom has to stay single the rest of her life?”
“Your sister doesn’t love her mother much, does she? “
“I’d be pretty distant and cold to the daughter who’s okay with a cheating father but not okay with mom moving on.”
“Your mom should cut contact with your selfish sister.”
“But,nah, you aren’t the AH for upsetting your sister.”
“She should feel guilty for hurting your mom so deeply.” – DaniCapsFan
“Sister is an AH. Mom is a saint.”
“Let sister go NC.”
“She has a husband and a life of her own.”
“Who is she to dictate?”
“In fact have mom a deal with sister; they can both leave their men! (I am obviously being sarcastic)” – Popular_Procedure167
“Your sister’s an absolute d*ckhead, pal.”
“You are NTA for “ruining her honeymoon”, but you should probably have kept your mouth shut.”
“Not for your sister’s sake, but it wasn’t your secret to tell.”
“I don’t know how you could think she knew when you had to tell her.”
“Soft YTA for that.” – Goidelica
“Sister – ‘Mom doesn’t talk to me except when I need something, boo hoo!'”
“Also Sister – ‘What? Mom is back with her BF and happy? Why I’m going to cut her out of my life completely.'”
“OP your sister is mental.”
“OP is definitely NTA. However your sister is an AH.” – New-Art-7667
“Your sister is a major AH and i hope your mom stays with the guy that makes her happy” – doinUdirty1069
“Your sister is a super see you next Tuesday.”
“I hope it ruined her honeymoon.”
“In fact since she loves her father so much I hope her husband treats her exactly like your father did your mother.” – Popular_Error3691
“NTA Your sister is kinda evil for wanting her own mother to be unhappy, your mom should go NC with her instead.”
“Your sister desperately needs therapy.” – Dangerous_Touch_7081
“NTA. Your sister is truly toxic and manipulative, she doesn’t give a crap about your mom or your happiness.”
“Honestly If she goes no contact it would be a case of the trash taking itself out.” -SoutherEuropeanHag
“Your sister is selfish and doesn’t care about your mom’s happiness.”
“And why is she on your dad’s side when he’s the cheater?” – tiffybluebell81
“First – you didn’t ruin her honeymoon, she’s doing that to herself by grossly overreacting to some news.”
“Second – what your sister did in the first place (force your mother to break up with someone who made her happy) is gross and unfair.”
“It could, the first time, be imputed on the impulsivity of youth and potentially dad’s influence (“tell your mom I’m not so bad! I just cheated! She should still love me!”).”
“Which brings us to third – the fact that she still thinks she can decide what goes on in your mom’s life at the ripe age of 20 is ridiculous and shows she hasn’t done a lot of maturing since her teens.”
“Fourth – none of this is your problem.”
“Your mom can make her own decisions.”
“Your sister can make her own as well, and suffer the consequences.”
“I’m curious though… what exactly is your sister hoping for?”
“Mommy dearest should take her a**hat if a husband back when he’s in his FOURTH marriage?”
“She should have stayed, grovel at his feet and suffer the humiliation of being cheated on her whole life with a smile?”
“If that’s the kind of attitude your sister has in terms of what’s acceptable in a marriage… I’d be worried for her husband!”
“NTA, but let them sort their mess on their own.” – throwaway123468912
And they all agreed that their mother has every right to be happy.
“Tell your sister that your mom IS entitled to happiness.”
“This bf makes her happy!”
“Sister can accept it or go NC.”
“Mom raised her daughters.”
“Does your sis honestly expect your mom to be alone for the rest of her life?”
“Remind sis of just WHO cheated in the relationship!”
“Tell sis that she’s a hypocrit if she expects your mom to be lonely.”
“After all, would sis want that for herself?”
“I’d go VLC with the narcissists in the future.”
“Those being both your dad and your sister.” – Temporary_Hall3996
“So, your sister is refusing to let mother of both of you have happiness.”
“I would tell her this is how it is, it’s not all about her, if she can’t deal with it wish her a good life and may your mother and you find the happiness everyone deserves.”
“If she decides to go NC that’s on her, I don’t honestly see what you would be losing, she sounds like a narcissistic b*tch.” – MindDump_787
“Your sister is nuts.”
“She literally punished the person your dad cheated on.”
“A good therapist might be in order.”
“Glad your mom is finally happy. She deserves it.”
“NTA” – JustAnotherSaddy
It definitely sounds like OP shouldn’t feel bad for enlightening sister, but it also sounds like this family has lots of issues to work out if they want to continue having any sort of relationship.
Best of luck!