The gender reveal party phenomenon seems to have tapered off a bit.
For a while, it seemed like there was one every other day making headlines in the news after the event had gone awry.
Some parents-to-be really love the idea.
Others are not big fans.
But what the parents want isn’t always everyone else’s first priority.
Redditor ThrowawayGenReveal wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for ruining my own gender reveal party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m pregnant with a baby boy due in November.”
“My fiancé and I didn’t care much about the sex of our child, so we didn’t make too much noise about it once we found out.”
“The only people we’d informed were our parents, their partners, and our siblings.”
“Prior to this, my father’s G[irl]F[riend] of 3 years had been asking me about my plans for a gender reveal party.”
“I’ve always been clear about not wanting one.”
“When I announced my son’s gender to them, she expressed disappointment that I hadn’t changed my mind about a party.”
“I don’t like gender reveals.”
“Never have, never will.”
“I prefer baby showers, which I think feel more about the actual child.”
“I never tried to hide that opinion, either.”
“Days later, my father’s girlfriend invited me over for tea at their apartment (my dad was out of town).”
“When I got there, about a dozen people popped out of hiding to surprise me.”
“There were pink and blue decorations everywhere, which made what was going on pretty clear.”
“As I stood there in shock, my father’s girlfriend excitedly told me they were throwing me a surprise gender reveal party.”
“Since I’d already told her, she had taken it upon herself to order a cake with colorful frosting, decorate the apartment, and invite a bunch of people over.”
“The guests included her mother (whom I don’t get along with), some of her friends, my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] (not my mom), and four of my friends.”
“As I later found out, my MIL and friends had been told I’d changed my mind about gender reveals.”
“I had not.”
“Still in the doorway, I looked over at everyone and said, ‘It’s a boy. You guys can go home now.'”
“I left without looking back.”
“Hours later, my father called me furious that I’d ruined the party.”
“He said his girlfriend had put a lot of effort, money, and love into planning it, and I should have shown respect and gratitude for it.”
“Apparently, she hadn’t stopped crying since I left.”
“It’s been almost a week, and they’re both still upset.”
“Even after I explained I never wanted that party in the first place, they’re insisting I could have sucked it up for an hour, or at least cut the cake.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Dad’s G[irl]F[riend] sounds like someone who enjoys bulldozing boundaries.”
“Wait until she expects to be in the delivery room with you!” ~ Ok_Conversation9750
“NTA. It wasn’t your gender reveal party, it was her B[oy]F[riend]’s gender reveal party.”
“Nothing about that party was for or about you, so why should you feel gratitude for it?” ~ Fantastic-Sea-3462
“NTA. That was incredibly rude.”
“She straight up lied, and your dad is salty?”
“He should be mad at her for disrespecting your wishes.”
“She wanted that party for herself, not you.” ~ gracelesswonder
“Amazing. You handled that beautifully. NTA.”
“You didn’t ruin your gender reveal party.”
“When people give gifts, parties included, the recipient is under no obligation to be grateful and gracious if it is something they have explicitly said they don’t want.”
“Your father’s GF had a baby genitalia-themed party, with your baby’s genitalia as the centerpiece.”
“Nobody you cared about had been invited, it was all about her.”
“And you told them about your baby’s genitalia, which was the whole point of that party, no? 🤷♀️” ~ crumpledspoon
“NTA… of course but your father and his obnoxious girlfriend are.”
“She didn’t want your mom there, trying to make it seem like she and your MIL are the grandmothers and trying to erase your mom from the picture.”
“Don’t apologize for anything, you did nothing wrong.” ~ One-Chipmunk3386
“NTA. You set a boundary and removed yourself the second you saw it was smashed.”
“If you went in it would have been used as ‘see it wasn’t that bad’ or ‘why are you complaining you went to the party’ in the future whenever you tried to use that as an example of a crossed boundary.” ~ curiouslycaty
“NTA! This was all about her, not you.”
“She knew you don’t like gender reveal parties and she insisted on throwing you one anyway.”
“She also lied to your friends and MIL.”
“Maybe she didn’t invite your own mom because your mom would’ve known better!” ~ Amblonyx
“You should have a conversation with your dad and stepmom about boundaries and expectations with the baby moving forward (and invite your mil and mom as witnesses if you want).”
“And explain that the next time and every time stepmom puts her wants over your boundaries/expectations they can expect the exact same result.”
“That you will not play into her delusions/power play games and that if it happens again you will consider more serious consequences- like going l[ow] c[ontact] or n[o] c[ontact].” ~ Winter-Lili
“This times 100.”
“If I could do it all again – I would’ve intercepted the family members testing boundaries BEFORE my baby arrived.”
“Cause it gets messier.”
“People really do not give a f**k if you’re tired and just got home from the hospital.”
“They will bulldoze you with shame and guilt even with your spouse crying for them to leave or to be more understanding – to get their fantasy of their idea of spending time with your baby.”
“Get this mess cleaned up now so the respect is there and they know sooner than later – you’re not the walking mat couple.” ~ Foamy-lizard
“NTA. This smacks of her trying to ‘prove’ that she cares about you more than your mom, especially seeing as how either your mom wasn’t invited or she turned down the invitation to respect your wishes.”
“She doesn’t seem to get that the way to prove she cares about you at all is to actually listen to what you want and don’t want.” ~ Sorsha4564
OP responded…
“I asked my mom, she confirmed she wasn’t invited.”
“According to my father’s girlfriend, she didn’t have her number.”
“That’s probably true, but I have no idea how she could have gotten my MIL’s.”
Reddit continued…
“She expects you to believe that your father wouldn’t have had her number or been able to get ahold of your mom somehow?”
“Even if they’re not in contact at all, he could still have pointed her in the right direction to get it.”
“So she doesn’t just stomp all over your boundaries, she’s insulting your intelligence. Lovely.” ~ Sorsha4564
“Oh, I’m 100% convinced she did it on purpose.”
“In fact, I’d say her excuse makes it more obvious that she did it specifically so your mom wouldn’t ‘ruin the surprise she worked so hard for,’ aka let you actually decide if you even wanted to show up at all, the way, you know, an adult should be able to do?!?. 🙄” ~ Sorsha4564
“NTA… tell your AH father his gf needs to learn the meaning of the word ‘no’ and if he doesn’t make it clear to her.”
“He’d better get used to the idea of low contact with you because you are a person, not his AH girlfriend puppet.” ~ Organic_Start_420
“Asking you to just put up with it a little is basically another way of saying ‘You could have done it her way despite her doing something you explicitly told her you don’t like.'”
“Your dad and his gf might see it as meeting them in the middle, but it really isn’t.”
“A compromise would have been to just have a party/BBQ whatever and agree to bring out a baby-gender related cake mid-way through.”
“The way they did it was to hold you hostage at an event you don’t want with the hope that you’d be pressured into playing ball.”
“Your response was perfect and you’re NTA.” ~ BobR969
“NTA. You made it clear you didn’t want one.”
“They not only threw one without your permission but also lied to people saying you changed your mind and wanted it.”
“If it had been a misunderstanding and they genuinely thought you would have wanted it, then I’d say suck it up and have the party.”
“But they purposely did this against your wishes so in my opinion you have every right to ruin it like that.” ~ HocestIocus
“NTA. You are an absolute goddess in how you handled this.”
“You need to sit your dad down and have a serious discussion about boundaries.”
“Sounds like GF thinks she is your son’s grandmother.”
“Not just because of the reveal but inviting her mother and friends.”
“Congratulations on your baby.”
“I’m not a fan of gender reveals either.” ~ KLG999
“NTA. My stepmother did that for years as a technical to alienate my father from us and it has worked.”
“She started dating my father when my brother (youngest) was 18, got married, and moved in when he was 20 and I was 22.”
“And then I love you like a mother started… then I’ll go above and beyond to do the things you don’t want so you are ‘dismissive’ and ‘her feelings get hurt, since she was never able to be a mother.'” ~ Pianist_585
“NTA. You didn’t ruin your own gender reveal party.”
“It wasn’t your party at all.”
“It was your dad’s girlfriend’s party, pretending to be for you, but actually a ‘look at what a great stepmother I am party.'” ~ FuzzyMom2005
“NTA. You made it very clear you did not want the party!”
“It is neither ungrateful nor selfish to not want it.”
“It is their own fault they are upset, you already said no and they went ahead anyway.”
“I think you handled it perfectly.” ~ Successful_Bath1200
“NTA, throwing a ‘surprise’ party when you had specifically said you didn’t want one was way out of line, and actually lying to get your in-laws and some of your friends to attend… wow.”
“Your father is an AH too for supporting the entitlement and not respecting your feelings in this matter.” ~ TeenySod
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
This was a gross overreach on the part of your dad’s girlfriend.
You weren’t rude, just to the point.
Focus on the rest of your pregnancy.