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Secretly Pregnant Woman Called Out After Pulling Focus At SIL’s Baby Shower With False Labor Pains

Two pregnant women stand stomach to stomach in similar dresses
Compassionate Eye Foundation/Natasha Alipour Faridani/GettyImages

Some people are very superstitious when it comes to announcing a pregnancy.

That can stem from not being ready, not wanting to jinx anything, or still dealing with trauma from pregnancies past.

So when is the perfect time to announce?

Or do people have to announce at all?

Case in point…

Redditor HelloCheese12 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for hiding my pregnancy and showing up to S[ister] I[n] L[aw] baby shower?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I 23 F[emale] am currently 8 months pregnant.”

“We had been keeping it a secret and planned to tell people around this time, but a few months after my pregnancy, my SIL 26 found out she was pregnant, and then it just felt awkward to announce.”

“We wanted to wait for the right time.”

“I’ve been married to my Husband for only 6 months, but we’ve been together on and off since we were 14 (permanently together since we were 16).”

“When we were 17, we found out I was pregnant. I had complications, and I gave birth to my preemie stillborn at 25 weeks.”

“So this pregnancy, we’ve been extra cautious and secretive.”

“I haven’t seen family much these past few months and I carry small, but as I developed a bump, I’ve been wearing hoodies and loose clothing.”

“With that, I kind of just looked like I gained weight.”

“We were hesitant on me going.”

“I was just going to send my husband with a gift of mine, but SIL said she really wanted me there.”

“I decided to try my best to hide the bump and go.”

“It was all going well. No one noticed. I mean I got a few looks, but no one asked me anything.”

“Then about an hour in, I started having tiny cramps that eventually got more aggressive.”

“I told my husband we need to leave. I need to go to the hospital.”

“As we we’re walking a sharp pain hit me, and I grabbed the picnic table next to me and almost stumbled over, causing attention to myself.”

“I really thought I was in labor, the pains were getting so intense.”

“People started surrounding us, asking what the matter was and my husband says, ‘She’s pregnant, guys she pregnant, something’s going on, we have to leave.'”

“He was panicked himself.”

“He rushed me to the hospital.”

“By the time we got to the hospital my pains had subsided. They said it was false labor.”

“My husband and I both had angry texted messages from SIL and other guests at the party about us hiding the pregnancy, how messed up it was, and how they couldn’t believe I showed up pregnant and was secret about it.”

“How I had a ‘baby-stunt’ at someone else’s shower; just a lot of not nice text.”

“Not one asking if I was alright.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole. 

“Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy and I am glad you and baby are both healthy.”

“That being said, in this instance YTA.”

“You are 8 months along, can go into labor any day, and it comes out at your SIL’s baby shower?”

“That is extremely disrespectful.”

“I get why you kept it private in the beginning.”

“You should have told them before the shower and offered not to come if it would be an issue.”  ~ Inconceivable44

“In no way would I be offended I had a baby shower, and someone was pregnant.”

“But if I was planning a baby shower, paying for decoration, cooking, organizing, and someone was taking all of the attention that I had planned for someone else?”

“I’d be a little miffed.” ~ victorita9

“Ok. So you have an expectation of every guest at your party not to have a literal medical emergency.”

“Be sure to tell everyone that you will be upset with them if they need to go to the damn hospital.” ~ Fudgms

“Right, because how dare she go into preterm labor?!?!”

“How DARE she set foot outside of her house when she KNOWS SIL is having her baby shower!”

“It’s like she wanted her water to break while she was there just to rub it in!”

“How self-centered! How inconsiderate!”

“She should have either retroactively given everyone a play-by-play update of the pregnancy, so they knew what to expect, or just held it in and made the cramping stop.”

“I mean, the nerve!”

“In case that wasn’t blisteringly clear. NTA.” ~ jkrowlingisaTERF

“Why do people need undivided attention?”

“And the OP did her best not to make the shower about her; she also didn’t announce her pregnancy to everyone earlier because she didn’t want to take attention from her SIL.”

“I would say she went above and beyond to allow SIL to wallow in her undivided ‘I procreated’ attention. NTA.” ~ DeeEyeEyeEye

“Nothing is wrong with that in general.”

“I’d LOVE to be able to just show up with the baby and not deal with invasive questions and nosy relatives during the pregnancy!”

“I kinda wish I’d taken the opportunity with my first because it turns out he was the only one I carried small enough to have hidden.”

“I’m 33 weeks with #2 right now, and my belly is massive.”

“Unfortunately, in this situation, there’s not a lot to be done about the fact OP looks really bad.”

“Waiting so long combined with the bad timing of her false contractions is going to come off as attention-seeking behavior to those present no matter what her intentions were.”

“This far along in the pregnancy, the two best options were not to attend or let people know about her pregnancy beforehand.”

“Maybe not quite AH territory, but it could have been handled better.” ~ BergamotDragon

“That’s probably what I would have done in this situation, personally.”

“I have no issue with them wanting to keep the pregnancy secret as long as they choose, but at eight months pregnant, there’s just too high a risk that someone will notice something or something will happen to make it apparent.”

“And at someone else’s baby shower is just not an appropriate place for your pregnancy to be announced, even by accident.”

“Some people, especially the expectant mother whose shower you’re at, are likely to be very hurt by it, no matter your intentions.” ~ BergamotDragon

“Dude, she had a stillborn.”

“While I will never have kids, I can imagine that is one of the most traumatizing things a potential mother can go through.”

“And then you have 3 options.”

“Relive it again and again while you tell people your baby died.”

“Relive it again and tell one person with the expectation they announce it for you and then deal with the damage that game of telephone.”

“Or option 3. Leave your business to yourself and come home with a happy, healthy newborn and celebrate.”

“Also, she went into false labor.”

“My best friend just got done with being pregnant, and she had to go to the hospital A LOT.”

“She’d be fine one minute and then in actual labor the next at like 5 months.”

‘She kept it all quiet, and then sh*t happens.”

“She isn’t an a**hole.”  ~ Fudgms

“I’m torn about this.”

“I’m 36+3 days and haven’t announced my pregnancy because of complications on my previous one.”

“I pretty much was going to announce once the baby is born.”

“Maybe even a week later.”

“I’m still attending gatherings, not often, but I’m wearing looser clothes, and no one has really said anything to me except my close friend who asked me how much weight I’ve gained since my dad died (he passed in august, I knew I was pregnant in July. I told my dad I was pregnant and he died).”

“Her body is her business and no one else’s.” ~ buffa-whoa-tasty

“My sister did this after a long fertility battle involving many miscarriages.”

“It was fine.”

“We all loved her, we knew about her struggle, and we supported her when we found out.”

“She didn’t let us give her a baby shower for my niece because she didn’t want to set herself up for disappointment if she had another miscarriage.”

“She was so scared and was basically in denial until baby time.”

“She didn’t announce her pregnancy with my nephew at all.”

“I found out she was pregnant when I visited her, and she had a big old baby bump.”

‘It was and is fine. It never even occurred to me to be anything but supportive and to congratulate her.”

“You do what you need to do for your health and well-being, and your family will either lovingly understand, or they don’t deserve to be included anyway.”

“This is your body, your pregnancy, your mental health, YOUR DECISION.” ~ Comprehensive-Sea-63

“I’m torn. Your business is obviously your business.”

“But you can’t be surprised when someone who loves you and who you have a relationship with feels hurt that you left them out of such a major situation in your lives.”  ~ Disastrous-Assist-90

“ESH. You could have mentioned it privately to your SIL beforehand.”

“I understand the fear after losing a child, but by the time you’re in your 3rd trimester, your close family should probably know.”

“Especially if you plan to attend someone else’s baby shower.”  ~ tea_maestra

“This is where I’m at too.”

“Soft ESH all the way around.”

“I know OP is probably just terrified but didn’t handle it well.”

“The family probably feels very upset and left out of a huge life event and overreacted.”

“No one handled it well, though I can understand why from both points of view.”  ~ ImNotA_IThink

“YTA. Unless I am misinterpreting this your sister has been pregnant for months, and you still haven’t said anything.”

“You only made the situation more awkward because you waited 8 months.”  ~ impersonalfish

“NTA. You were very kind and considerate in trying to keep the attention off yourself.”

“However your body reacted in a way you could not have anticipated.”

“It’s not like you walked around smugly rubbing your belly at her baby shower.”

“The AHs are the people more upset at the 5% attention you got when you had a MEDICAL EMERGENCY.”

“Geez get a grip.” ~ princess_riya

OP, Reddit seems a little undecided, but plenty of people clearly wish you had spoken up sooner.

Hopefully, when everyone calms down, this will all blow over.

Good luck with the two miracles on the way.