Children and teens develop all sorts of unique, interesting, and creative hobbies to express their interests and their individuality.
But sometimes there are people in their lives who don’t support what they’re doing, especially if they’re interested in something that they don’t deem “appropriate” for their gender, side-eyed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor SharpFly833’s son was interested in baking and was getting quite good at it. It was clearly something that brought him great joy.
But his grandmother was so unhappy that he was interested in a “girlie” activity, the Original Poster (OP) was furious when she threw all of her grandson’s equipment away.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for kicking my mother out for throwing away my son’s baking things because she believes that baking is only for girls?”
The OP’s son was passionate about baking.
“My fourteen-year-old son loves to bake, and he is really good at it, too.”
“He started with simple things like cookies, but now he can bake just about anything, from bread to pies, even cakes.”
“Sometimes friends and people we know will ask him to bake them something, and he will charge them a small fee.”
The OP’s mother did not like the fact that her grandson was interested in baking.
“My mother has always hated the fact that my son loves baking.”
“She doesn’t understand ‘what kind of boy enjoys doing things that are meant for girls.’ Ironically, his younger sister hates baking.”
“I tried explaining to my mother that there’s nothing wrong with my son’s love for baking and that she’s being sexist, but my mother is stubborn and always makes sure to mention just how much she doesn’t approve of it every chance she gets.”
But the OP never thought that she would act on her disapproval.
“She was visiting us for a few days, and I came home from work to find my son distraught.”
“When I asked him what was going on, he told me that he came back from a friend’s house only to find that his baking things had disappeared.”
“When he asked his grandma, she just said that now he can find a new appropriate hobby.”
“He has a specific kitchen cabinet where he stores all his baking things, and sure enough,h it was empty. They weren’t in the trash, either.”
“I asked my mother what she did with my son’s things, and she proudly told me that she got rid of them because I was clearly not going to do anything about it and that I was a bad father for allowing it to go on as long as it did.”
“These were approximately $200 worth of items collected over time, including a hand mixer, scale, measuring things, pans, etc.”
The OP decided such disrespectful behavior was not welcome in his home.
“I told her that the only thing that I have allowed to go on way too long is the constant disrespect for my son and that she needs to apologize to him and either bring back his things right now or replace them.”
“She stubbornly said that she is not going to do that, so I told her that first thing in the morning,g she needed to leave and that she was not allowed back here or around my children until she learns to respect their choices.”
“She huffed and puffed all night and left in the morning.”
“She was originally supposed to leave on Sunday, the day after my son’s birthday. She even took the gift she had bought him and left with it.”
“My stepdad called me to let me know just what a piece of s**t he thinks I am for treating my mother this way and kicking her out like some random stranger.”
“I told him that she did this to herself and hung up.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the woman’s grandson would be far from the first male baker.
“NTA, and tell your mom to visit somewhere with elite cooking, like Italy or France, and see how many bakers are men.”
“She has some outdated beliefs that are her problem and not yours or your sons. I feel so bad for him, though, that must have been really hard on him! Kudos for having his back.” – Chance-Difference-83
“I don’t even think it’s outdated beliefs, since anyone who has a TV has seen the male chefs. I’m thinking there’s more to it than that, like maybe she’s afraid he’s gay or something, which is ludicrous.” – Decent_Front4647
“Anyone who has worked in any kitchens knows it’s a male-dominated industry and has a history of being a boys’ club that has often been hard for women to navigate because of that male-dominated culture.”
“I would love to hear gram-gram try to tell a convicted felon who is covered in prison tattoos, wielding a sharp knife, and drowning in tickets that his job is for girls.” – Lank3033
“Tell her to look at my cookbook shelves: all the pastry books are written by men.”
“And it’s men who make up the majority of high-end chefs and bakers! At home, it’s a woman’s task, but as soon as there is prestige in it, the script is flipped, and suddenly only a man can be a renowned chef, baker, or pâtissier.”
“Of course, things are changing now, and there are more and more famous women in these jobs, but we’re still far from perfect parity.” – helcat
“Her beliefs are outdated to a very narrow, specific time! Throughout most of history, men were bakers. And women, too, because a business was a family business and everyone worked, but the name was the man’s.”
“Not everyone could afford to have an oven, so even if they made the dough themselves, it might be baked in the town baker’s oven, in some time periods and places. The surname ‘Baker’ still survives, even! The ‘baking is women’s work’ thing probably started when, WWI? At some point after factory-made bread became super common?”
“It would have been past the Victorian period for sure, I’d think; Mrs. Crocumb tells me that despite every cook needing to know how to bake bread, even in her time, the cooks who worked in fancy households would send someone off to the town baker to purchase bread most of the time.”
“OP’s mom is not only sexist, she’s sexist in a really strange, specific way.”
“Like, if the kid cooked, would she have done the same thing? If so, would she have done so if instead of ‘cooking’ OP referred to it as ‘training to be a chef’? Probably not, I’d bet.”
“I think walking away from mom is the best option, but if OP has the resources and time to teach her a lesson, small claims court is the way to go. Or if not, OP, maybe go on Facebook (or grandma’s SM of choice, I’m assuming Facebook LOL), and post about how SAD you are that your mom is so misguided and prejudiced that she STOLE your CHILD’S possessions.”
“And perhaps ask if anyone has some of those items they might consider selling so your son can continue his hobby, which has the potential to turn into a business or career, long term. I bet people are outraged on your son’s behalf and that he ends up with a Kitchenaid or something, LOL!” – AdEmbarrassed9719
Others urged the OP to call this what it was, stealing, and take it to small claims court.
“$200 worth of products. That is actual theft causing you actual material loss. Just saying. NTA.” – simagus
“If she’s not willing to return or replace the supplies, then I say take her to small claims court and get reimbursed.” – Disastrous-Bee-1557
“Buy the stuff he needs in the meantime so he doesn’t miss out on cooking in the meantime! He can use the reimbursement for new stuff.” – trowzerss
“NTA. Sounds like a job for small claims court to me.”
“The dollar amount is (fairly) trivial, and it sounds like the items can be easily replaced. But Grandma really needs to be taught a lesson. And I would love to hear a judge dress her down in court.” – earlthesachem
“If anyone else did that, it’d be straight-up theft and they’d be expected to replace the stuff or face consequences. Grandma doesn’t get a free pass just because she’s family. Actions have real impacts, especially on kids.” – janiceleygw54
“In some places, stealing goods of that value could be considered a gross misdemeanor or even a felony. Granny could face fines, community service, probation, or even jail time if she got a particularly cranky prosecutor or judge.”
“Granny wasn’t just a sexist d**k to her grandson; she also committed a crime and should be held accountable for her poor behavior in every sense of the word, in my opinion.” – Pink_and_Neon_Green
“I have three baking pans in my cupboard that combined cost $200. I don’t even want to think what the total cost of my baking paraphernalia is, but if I include my mixers, it is in the thousands in Australian money, purely for family/fun baking.”
“Sit down with your son, and Google search what he had and the current cost to replace it. And don’t buy cheap crap! I have caketins that belonged to my husband’s grandmother, used to bake his parents’ wedding cake, and they are still going strong.”
“Follow the, ‘Buy nice or buy twice!’ line of thought. Add it all up and send her a bill, preferably via a friend from the legal profession if you have one.”
“This is a hill to die on for your son’s sake. And spam her with every link you can find to baking by all of the other celebrity chefs mentioned in this thread!” – Southern_Light_15
“She should phone the stepdad and run the scenario of his golfing gear or whatever being ‘helpfully’ removed so he can find a new hobby as a result of somebody else’s opinion…”
“You can’t just steal people’s s**t?” – parksa
The subReddit was furious on the OP’s son’s behalf, and they were grateful that the OP had stepped up and stopped his mother from treating his son and his son’s passions poorly.
Baking is an incredible hobby or even a career path to pursue, and it was just as applicable for her grandson as it would be for her granddaughter if it were something that she enjoyed.