Stepmom Called Out After Shaving Stepson's Head Without Permission From His Birth Mom

Being a stepparent is not an easy part to fill.

The role can come with a lot of extra rules and regulations.

And a lot of the rulebook may not be in a younger person's handwriting.

But issues coming from other parents come in pretty clearly.

Case in point...

Redditor Logical-Mulberry-883 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

"AITA for shaving my stepson's long hair without his mom's permission?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"My husband and I have 3 sons together (2/4/5) and I have 2 stepsons (10/13)."

"We have 50/50 custody."

"I cut my kid's hair myself, and my stepsons get their haircut at a barber when their mom has custody."

"In the last few years, my husband has occasionally taken them to get their haircut."

"Wednesday afternoon, I decided to give my 4 and 5-year-olds haircuts."

"The 10-year-old then asked if I would cut his hair too."

"His hair was currently shoulder length, and he had been growing it for a while."

"He wanted me to give him a buzzcut."

"I asked if he was sure and then texted his dad to make sure he was okay with it."

"My husband asked if I would wait till he came home so he could watch and record it."

"When he came home, I shaved it and he was very happy with the result."

"Yesterday, his mom picked him up from school and saw his hair."

"She immediately called my husband and was pissed about the haircut."

"Later in the evening, she messaged me on Instagram to have a go at me and say I had no right to cut her son's hair without her permission and that it was a big change and I shouldn't have allowed him to do it implosively."

"I didn't reply to her because I didn't want to feed into any drama."

"I thought stepson was happy with his haircut, and that's all that really matters."

"However, the more I think about it, the more I'm unsure if she's right."

"If my son had a stepmom and came home from their house with a drastically different haircut, I think I might have been upset too and possibly think that person crossed an unspoken boundary."

"AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA. You got the OK from his dad, and he is old enough to make his own decisions about his hair anyways."

"It would have been really weird for you to call his mom and ask after his dad already said to go ahead."  ~ Outrageously_Penguin

"I'm assuming since bio mom reached out via Instagram, they don't have each other's phone numbers."

"So would that even be possible for OP? NTA." ~ fantabulouskat13

"Maybe she wanted dad to be a doormat and 'run it by her.'" ~ i_like_it_eilat

"It's not being a doormat if it's a co-parenting decision, but I agree that if bio mom is going to start a passive-aggressive war over nothing, there is no way not to be deemed 'the AH' by her."

"You either try to give a heads up or just do whatever."

"My daughter tried to please stepmom as much as possible out of respect and to keep the peace."

"I was asking my own replacement for permission to do normal things with my own kid's hair because of how awful things would be for her with her dad otherwise."

"They are no contact now. It's sad."  ~ Mundane-Currency5088

"My 11-year-old son loves a short haircut. His choice."

"Once it gets slightly over his ears, he wants to go back to the barbershop."

"His older male cousins have very long hair."

"Every time he sees them, he tells them they need a haircut."

"Kids have their own preferences."

NTA. But it's not really about the kid's hair."

"His mom just wants to call the shots." ~ Malicious_Tacos

"Yeah, maybe it's my own bias and subsequent trauma from growing up with a divorced mother who tried to control completely unreasonable things."

"And then didn't care about things that actually mattered."

"And now, dealing with my stepson's issues who has made communication difficult over things in the same realm as haircuts and beyond, I have to wonder if there's tension in the co-parenting between dad and anyways relationship that makes communication over things like a haircut unhelpful and pointless.

"Regardless, I think OP did everything right, and I think you handled it correctly."

"I don't think you need to inform her of a haircut - I'm a firm supporter of parallel parenting! NTA." ~ throwaway_44884488

"This. Bodily autonomy starts with this."

"Kids should be able to do what they want with their own hair."

"At 10, my twins wanted bright colors in their hair."

"At their insistence, I spoke to the school principal since the school was about to resume, and they were convinced they weren't allowed."

"I was told it 'was an unwritten rule, but it just wasn't a good idea because it could be distracting to other students.'"

"I told her that it wasn't my kids' problem if a streak of pink or purple distracted them."

"I'm not going to put that above their ability to express themselves in a harmless manner."

"They showed up with colored hair the first day."

"In two weeks, there was bright hair on countless kids."

"For some reason, that principal retired at the end of the year."

"My point in writing that is this: children have so little in their very small worlds that they feel like they have control over."

"Their parents have rules in the house they must follow."

"There are rules at school, and they have to sit and stay still and do what the teachers tell them."

"At that age, they don't have money to go buy whatever they want to wear, so they depend on their parents for that."

"Their parents or the school even decide what they eat."

"Their HAIR, as minor as it sounds, is something where they can have control (assuming they don't have a**hole-controlling parents)."

"My kids have been through so many hair phases over the years - undercuts, half shaved, all pink, green, bleach blonde, purple streaks (sorta like mine)."

"Hell, my son had a blue mullet at one time during middle school."

"Thank God we were in lockdown during that phase."

"OP, you did nothing wrong."

"His dad said it was fine."

"He is happy with it."

"I get that his mom was probably shocked to see it, but she'll get used to it."

"It's hair. It'll grow back. NTA." ~ tiredsingingmama

"NTA. Your stepson asked you to give him a buzzcut, and you asked him if he was sure and got confirmation from his dad."

"It sounds like your stepson was very happy with the result, and that should be the most important thing."

"It's understandable that his mom was upset, but it's not like you made the decision without consulting anyone."

"You also didn't feed into any drama, which is always a good thing." ~ The_IT_Dude_

"NTA. If the mom was mad, she should have spoken to your husband."

"I don't personally believe that haircuts are a two parent's decision, but reasonable people can disagree about that."

"The point is that you gave the haircut at the kid's request with his father's okay."

"If mom is upset, she should talk to Dad."  ~ Hoistedonyrownpetard

"NTA - age 10 is old enough to decide for himself that he wants short hair."

"It will grow back."

"Only if there had been any pressure, subtle bribes, or subtle punishments would I think the mom had a case." ~ contrarian1970

"My daughter at FOUR YEARS OLD decided she was in charge of her hair."

"I had her promise to keep it brushed every day, and I cut it the length she wanted."

"I didn't braid it again until she was in high school."

"OP, you did right by this 10-year-old. NTA." ~ HearseWithNoName

"My son can do whatever with his hair."

"Although I did make him sit there while I buzzed it ONCE."

"But in my defense, he brought home lice."

"I did the shampoo and everything first, but he brought it home like five times."

"Got so bad I ended up cutting 15' off my own hair, and my hubby shaved his head and beard."

"Finally, I couldn't take it anymore!!"

"So I shaved his head."

"By the way, they do NOT make kids leave school or even tell the parents when there is a lice breakout anymore."

"At least in my town."

"Apparently, you do not even have to do anything about it."

"Which I honestly think is BS!!"

"Apparently, one mom got all up in arms because her kid had to get picked up early and wasn't allowed back until the lice were gone."

"And she f**king sued."

"Yeah, instead of just getting rid of the lice."

"That poor kid probably still has it." ~ justAlady108

"NTA. Father approved."

"Unless they communicate and agree on every haircut or hairstyle, dad has a right just like a mother does, seeing as how it's 50/50."

"Went through this with my stepkids." ~ NearbyTomorrow9605

"NTA, the kid wanted his hair cut."

"Communication with his mom is on your husband, not you."

"I could see being a little taken aback as a mom and picking my kid with a drastically different hairstyle with no warning, but not something that should be shoved back at you."

"Her beef is with her ex, not you."

"Your husband could have warned her that their son was getting a cut, but ultimately it's what the kid wanted."

"His hair, his choice."

"A haircut isn't permanent, and if the kid regrets it later, it will eventually grow back." ~ Substantial_Rip_4675

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

He wanted his hair how he wanted it.

And his dad said yes.

Sounds like a discussion between Dad and Mom is coming.