What’s acceptable attire and accessories for a wedding differs greatly from on culture to another, from one religion to another, and even from one family to the next.
A sister who’s wondering if her jewelry broke some wedding taboo she was unaware of turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
PowerfulComplaint189 asked:
“AITA for wearing silver hoop earrings to my sister’s wedding?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (19, female) am one of 5 daughters for my strict parents. Until recently, none of us had our ears pierced.”
“My sister (22, female) was the opposite of the stereotypical bride leading up to her wedding. She wasn’t fussy about anything, and she didn’t tell the bridesmaids how to look.”
“I got my ears pierced and I wore silver hoop earrings to my sister’s wedding, as a bridesmaid. Not the giant ones.”
They were just over an inch. Before my sister left for the honeymoon, she told me she was disappointed in my appearance.”
“She told me those earrings were trashy and not appropriate for a wedding. She said I disrespected her.”
“Am I the asshole?”
The OP later added:
“I’m American/White. The traditional look has mostly been my mom’s obsession. It’s not the whole country that is conservative.”
“She only insulted the earrings. Have you seen women wear silver hoop earrings to weddings?”
“It’s not impossible for my parents to say something to my sister, but it’s out-of-character for them to speak about one of us behind the other’s back. My parents are very direct.”
“There were 8 bridemaids, and 3 were my other sisters. My sisters didn’t wear jewelry. The other bridesmaids did.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“The action to be judged is the action of wearing silver hoop earrings to my sister’s wedding.”
“I may be the a**hole because my sister told me those earrings were trashy and not appropriate for a wedding. She said I disrespected her.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“This isn’t about earrings. It’s about control, identity, and unspoken dynamics between siblings raised under strict rules.”
“You weren’t trying to upstage or disrespect anyone. No instructions were given about dress or accessories.”
“You made a personal decision that likely meant something to you, and wore something you felt good in. You’re a young woman expressing yourself. So no, you’re not the a**hole.” ~ Inkl1ng6
“Ugh. The fact that she chose to say this after the wedding was over, with the sole intention of making you feel bad, speaks volumes. Ignore and avoid her.” ~ Timely-Cartoonist339
“If she actually had a problem with it, she would have said something during the day. It’s not like you dyed your hair—taking off earrings is incredibly easy.”
“The fact she waited until after to make you feel bad proves she didn’t actually care—she just wants a reason for you to feel bad.” ~ ladyantifa
“NTA. Your sister had ample opportunity to ask you to change them before the ceremony and reception. She chose not to.” ~ craffert0
“NTA. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion but she really should have kept hers to herself. This seems more about kicking you down than anything that actually spoiled her day. Also if she had specific requirements she should have said…” ~ ReviewOk929
“NTA. Now is the time to get away from all your family. You are an adult. Conservatism is all about control. Break away from it.” ~ Majestic-Log-5642
“NTA. She should have told you what jewelry to wear if she had a preference. I’ve been wearing rainbow hoop earrings for a while. I’d probably put your sister over the edge.” ~ Prestigious-Name-323
“She is the a**hole. How mean of her. I think she might have been envious. Don’t bring it up again with anyone, don’t respond or engage. It’s over. Move on.” ~ BeBesMom
“NTA dude, what? The earrings weren’t even that big? And hoop earrings are probably some of the plainest and simplest earrings in existence?”
“Is this a weird subset of purity culture I’ve not heard about? Not gonna tell you to go no/low contact like others, but this is certainly an odd reaction from her.”
“She’s acting like you wore a wedding dress or a trash bag.. No advice I could give you, I’m just as baffled as you are.”
“I need to know why she thinks hoops are trashy, inappropriate, and disrespectful. Does she think all hoops are ‘ghetto’?” ~ Ninnifer
“I personally love hoop earrings. My mom also considers them trashy, low-class, ghetto, etc…”
“Besides the obvious issues of her negative associations—I’ve come to learn this is not that uncommon of an opinion.”
“It’s a shame, I think they’re a beautiful earring, and it’s not like OP had them so big they’d be taking attention or anything like that.” ~ penninsulaman713
“I grew up with a lot of these rules, some of which still influence what I do even though I don’t really care anymore (only fast women have red nails, don’t show shoulders and knees at the same time, etc…).”
“There are so many small, thick hoops that evade the trashy connotation, and I love to see someone wearing big, pretty ones, especially since I don’t feel like I have the face/neck for them!” ~ sparklestarshine
“NTA, if she had any jewelry restrictions she should have told you before the ceremony. YIKES.” ~ RuthBourbon
“For the love of God! There were probably so many people wearing earrings that attended the wedding.” ~ beckstermcw
“Yeah, can’t say I’ve ever paid attention to the earrings anyone has ever worn at a wedding. To be honest, I actually checked my wedding photos the other day because I couldn’t remember if I wore earrings or not—the answer was I wore no jewellery at all.” ~ uptheantinatalism
“NTA, but she is also entitled to her opinion. I don’t think it’s trashy, but she apparently does.”
“Depends on how big those hoops actually were. Big hoops are perceived as low class by many, not because the earrings are, but because lots of poor people like wearing them.”
“That’s how your sister views your earrings, something ‘low class’. It’s a BS mentality, but c’est la vie.” ~ StockAdhesiveness351
“The hoops were barely over an inch. If they were a problem, the bride should have asked her to remove them before the wedding. The bride was looking to tear down her sister.” ~ rora_borealis
“NTA, but whatever religion you’re in, get out. That is ridiculous.” ~ MadPiglet42
“NTA, if she hated your earrings, she could have told you before or during the wedding, and you could have taken them out. Not sure why she would wait until after to alert you to an easily solvable problem.” ~ hexagon_heist
“NTA. I must be super trashy then, because all but one hole in my ears has a small silver hoop in them (14 hoops). What a ridiculous thing to say to someone.” ~ GoldenHelikaon
“NTA. Part of a strict childhood is that it doesn’t allow you to experiment and explore, so you end up doing it in adulthood. We can’t say if the earrings were ‘trashy’, and you weren’t taught what earrings are appropriate for formal events.”
“Apologize to your sister, but please don’t let this discourage you from continuing to develop your own sense of fashion.” ~ himbologic
“I am a church employee and wear 3” silver hoops to work, at home in front of my Christian children, and out and about as I love and serve the people in my community.”
“I also wore them to my own church wedding and every wedding that I’ve been to since. They make me feel cute and confident, and I don’t think God is disappointed.”
“Your sister just has no chill. NTA.” ~ Toomanykids9
“Not currently attending a church, but I grew up going to church multiple times a week, with conservative standards for dress and appearance (dresses, light makeup only, etc), and I don’t think silver one-inch hoops would cause a fuss even there.”
“And trust me when I say, I know where the line is, because I crossed it often enough, it was practically my full-time job during my teen years.” ~ Old-General-4121
“NTA. Those earrings sound fine. If she didn’t want you (or the other bridesmaids) to wear jewelry for photos, she should have said something before the wedding or at the time. Other than that, it’s none of her business.” ~ ComprehensiveSet927
“A pair of one-inch hoops is TINY. I wear one-inch hoops every day. They’re barely bigger than my earlobe.”
“I haven’t taken them out in years because they’re so small, I don’t even notice them anymore. I can’t believe she’d even notice a pair of one inch hoops on her wedding day, of all days. NTA.” ~ kgrimmburn
“NTA. Unless you were given a dress code, you didn’t disrespect anyone. Calling something ‘trashy’ is just her opinion.”
“My guess is she resents that you got your ears pierced when no one else did. You dared to be different.” ~ Deep-Okra1461
“I regularly wear medium-sized hoop earrings, I had no idea they are considered trashy. I wear high-quality silver or gold ones. I am self-conscious about my long head shape, and I like that the hoops help balance it out.” ~ Muppet_Fitzgerald
“NTA. Hmm….what? Why did she tell you AFTER her honeymoon? She could have seen them in the bridal suite and started to speak up, but no, she didn’t.”
“So no, it’s not about the earrings. She’s jealous that you’re different from her and the siblings by getting your ears pierced.”
“I assume your siblings don’t have their ears pierced? If so, that is so telling.” ~ MischievousBish
This wouldn’t make you the a**hole, but is it possible your mom might have been bothered and in turn bugged your sister about it?”
“Again, it still wouldn’t be your responsibility, just wondering if that could explain the behaviour after the wedding was done instead of before.” ~ Medium_Function6451
If the OP’s sister wanted a dress code for the wedding, she should have set one.
If she disapproved of the earrings, she could have said something before the wedding ceremony.
As many pointed out, it may not have been the bride who objected.