Wedding invites should be easy.
The couple picks all the people they want there, and everyone accepts it.
But this is so often not the case.
So was it a couple to do then?
Case in point…
Redditor AdNarrow8211 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, the bride came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my sister to stop trying to make my wedding all about her?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Background: my sister has a black boyfriend, and my parents are not happy about it.”
“They’ve told her if she wants to come to my wedding (which they are paying for) she can’t bring her boyfriend.”
“She’s very upset, particularly since they let my other sister bring her Chinese husband.”
“They weren’t happy with that either, but say that, ‘fundamentally, the Chinese aren’t black.'”
“So she’s telling me I should cancel the wedding in protest of the ‘racism’ and marry in a courthouse instead.”
“I told her no, and she called me a ‘racist by proxy.'”
‘I agree she’s right to be mad at my parents, but that’s not a reason for me to have to marry in a courthouse.”
“I told her the wedding is about me and my soon-to-be husband, not her feud with our parents.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the a**hole.
“Why are you putting ‘racism’ in quotes? It is racism. Don’t downplay it.”
“I get wanting the wedding to be about you and wanting her to put her feelings aside.”
“But she isn’t wrong that your wedding will be a racist wedding, paid for by racist parents, and you will be racists by proxy because your wedding will be ‘racists welcome, black people must stay outside.'”
“Enjoy your wedding. Forgot to say YTA.” ~ pnandgillybean
“Hell yeah, it’s a racist wedding.”
“OP, you’re right about one thing— you’re not a racist by proxy— you’re just a regular racist.”
“If you think it’s wrong to exclude someone because they are black, but you’re willing to turn a blind eye for the price of floral arrangements, catering, and some cake, then the only difference between you and your parents is your morals and ethics have a price tag.”
“At least they’re racist for free. YTA.” ~ Om_Chianti
“If you really want to put your money where your mouth is, tell your parents that if they’re paying for control of the guest list, they can keep their money and you will invite whomever you want to your wedding.”
“Invite your sisters and their partners and let your parents decide for themselves if they want to be there and if this is truly a hill on which they’re willing to die.”
“This is only the beginning.”
“How do you think they will treat their racially mixed grandchildren?”
“Will you put up with the likely favoritism?” ~ oylaura
“This is about more than money.”
“It’s about watching her kids wonder why their cousins are treated differently.”
“How does OP explain this?”
“That they benefit from racism says a lot about OP, if she lets this happen.”
“I’m one of four adopted grandchildren, out of eight.”
“When our grandmother was dying, two of us went to see her.”
“Both of us were adopted; the rest couldn’t or wouldn’t.”
“Yet it was very important to our Grandma that a certain item be left to one of my cousins because she’s ‘blood.'”
“And yes, when she specified that, I forced her to tell me why.”
“I’m happy to say that I wasn’t thinking fast enough to ask her where her ‘blood’ relatives were right then.”
“We were also the only two to go to her funeral.”
“My point is, the children will know, they will notice, and they won’t forget.” ~ oylaura
“I can’t remember what words he used, but one of my best friends is on the spectrum and used a very racist word for Asian people.”
I just looked at him, told him to look at me (I used to do this when I was being serious about something, it helped him understand it) and told him to never ever use that word again, that it was racist, and then explain why when he asked.”
“So you do have some people who just use a word not knowing that it’s racist, but that’s very very rare.” ~ GearsOfWar2333
“Jumping on this comment because it says it perfectly.”
“OP you’re YTA.”
“If you want to go some way to start to redeem yourself, have your wedding but ban your parents.”
“If I was your sister I’d tell you to shove your self-indulgent wedding and want nothing to do with you or your parents.” ~ Floofieunderpants
“I agree. What bothers me too, and makes me call OP a racist not just by proxy, is that OP is fine with it all.”
“If it’s her wedding, why is she not telling her parents that it’s not their place to decide the guest list?”
“She’s clearly fine with her sister’s boyfriend being discriminated against and him not being invited to the wedding.”
“OP, you are racist.”
“YTA. So are your parents.” ~ 2tinymonkeys
“Soon as I saw her put racist in scare quotes I knew OP was a racist.”
“Literally the only people who do that are deeply racist people.”
“OP, you are racist, your parents are racist, your wedding is racist, and your lucky your B[rother] I[n] L[aw] will even be in your presence considering you think ‘at least Chinese isn’t black’ and cannot see how unbelievably f**ked up that sentence is.”
“And yes, YTA.”
“I hope your sisters cut you and your parents off because, and I cannot stress this enough, you are all incredibly racist people.” ~ Seliphra
“And your sister doesn’t have a feud with your parents, your parents have a racist problem with her boyfriend.”
“Why aren’t you telling your parents to behave, instead of expecting your sister to put up and shut up.”
“If you really believe in what you’re doing, you should be prepared to explain to each and every guest exactly why your sister hasn’t attended. YTA.” ~ MichaSound
“OP should not have to do a courthouse wedding.”
“However what OP should have to do is find a way to pay for the wedding she wants without letting racists control it.”
“If having her dream wedding paid for is more important than her sister’s boyfriend and the racism they are suffering, OP absolutely is racist.” ~ ladancer22
“YTA. Stand up to your racist parents and find a different way to pay for your wedding that doesn’t enable their truly morally reprehensible behavior.”
“If you go through with your wedding under your parents’ conditions, you are racist by proxy.”
“‘Don’t be racist,’ is a really, really baseline standard to hold yourself to.”
“I believe in you. It’s not too late to do the right thing.” ~ prple_ppl_eater
“OP and their parents are racists.”
“If you are A-OK with segregation and racism for financial gain, then you fully support racism.”
“Full stop.”
“I hope that OP has the wedding that they deserve and their racist views fully come to light in their entire social circle.”
“Let all of their guests know the kind of wedding that they are supporting so they have the option to not to attend if they don’t support racially segregated gatherings.”
“I’m an educated, intelligent, successful, and most of all, happy black woman.”
“OP and her parents may hate my existence, but it doesn’t matter.”
“Their racist opinions do not negate that I am here and they are not superior to me in ANY way.”
“Go ahead and enjoy your racist wedding as you and your parents put your racist views on full public display.” ~ Electrical-Date-3951
“YTA, for being racist.”
“Because that’s what you are when you allow your parents to act the way they are and still associate with them, and even let them pay for your wedding.”
“I don’t get how you and both of your sisters are still willing to have contact with your parents if they are so blatantly racist.” ~ nicehatonyourhead
“YTA. Your sister is not making this about her…Your parents are racist, and you’re allowing their racism by letting them control your guest list.”
“It’s your right to take your parent’s money for your wedding.”
“But in doing so, you’re responsible for the consequences of it.”
“If I was your sister I wouldn’t want to be involved with any of you.” ~ ArchieS0121
“YTA. Quit letting your parents buy off your complacency.”
“My sister died 12 years ago.”
“Even on her literal deathbed, doped up on more morphine than you can imagine, she was insisting that anyone coming to visit be accepting of my husband and our daughter, neither of whom is white.”
“One of the last moments I had with her, she was kicking our very racist grandmother out, because she had said something awful about my daughter.”
“She protected me and fought for me while she was dying.” ~ Aggravating_Secret_7
“Huge YTA. WTF?”
“Using your parents’ funding as an excuse further reiterates your blatant racism.”
“Your poor sister… dealing with such a selfish, shi**y, racist family.” ~ lbandrew
Well OP, Reddit has some issues with your situation.
It may be time to take a long, hard look at this.
Some family counseling sounds in order.