Pregnancy is already a difficult experience itself, but after the baby is born, things aren’t always easier. It can help to have friends and family supporting you during the early days raising the child.
However, that is assuming they actually help. Redditor wethergktl explained what happens when your help feels less than helpful, and you snap at them.
The original poster (OP) takes her story to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) board to see if she was wrong in her reaction.
She asked:
“AITA for kicking my sister out after she didn’t do what she said she would?”
She explained her situation.
“I (21f[emale]) had a baby 8 days ago via scheduled cesarean. Father isnt around and I knew he wouldnt be since day one.”
“My sister (29), we’ll call her Annie (fake name) is recently divorced and suffers with infertility, every time there’s a new baby in the family she offers to help out.”
“Annie asked if she could stay with me for a few weeks after the baby is born and for the few days before to help out, I said yes knowing Id need the help.”
“The problems started from when we came home.”
“Annie takes [the baby], like literally does everything baby related expect for nappy changes. She creates mess which I end up having to clean up everything while trying to cook for myself/order food and it has to be done to Annie’s preference too if im ordering.”
“5 days ago I started recording the amount of time I spent with my baby vs what Annie did. Over the last 5 days I spent a total of 8 hours with my baby, Annie nearly all the rest of the time.”
“I had tried asking her to step back a bit and help out with chores like she said she would but she got defensive.”
“Things got on my last nerve today around an hour ago, realising she hadn’t actually given me back my child all day bar once to change her.”
“I’m not really sure what got into me but I lost my sh**, I told her to get out and not come back until she can learn to respect that this is not her baby and stop taking over everything bar the ‘gross bits’.”
“My mam called me, saying it was an a**hole move since Annie just wants a baby of her own and I said that i dont care, I have barely got to see my own child. AITA?”
“Sudden outburst was caused by her practically refusing to give me my baby.”
On the AITA subReddit, people are judged with the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Some of the comments questioned how OP handled the situation and wondered if she’s overreacting.
“ESH because your out-burst hurt everyone involved and strained the situation further. Your sister is clearly in the wrong here, but your snapping at her doesn’t help things in the slightest.”
“My opinion is that this needs to be laid out to her and to your mom. Explain your feelings in detail and try to make her see your side of it.”
“Maybe you can still have a healthy sister-sister relationship and Annie can have a healthy aunt-niece relationship.” – Professional_Mix_752
“I asked, then I begged and pleaded then I snapped, it wasn’t that I ignored it for 8 days” – wethergktl
“You were both kinda the ah. Her for not helping like she said she would and you for the low blow, she knows she can’t have a bio child you should have had her leave or another person stop in long before you said anything about her not being able to have a bio child.” – Oceanwoulf
“I never brought up her infertility, I simply informed her that she did not give birth to my baby and she needs to respect boundaries, it was our mother that brought that up” – wethergktl
“YTA. You’re acting like you guys will be living together forever. I’m assuming her moving in was temporary??”
“These couple weeks or months will mean a lifetime for your sister (considering she’s infertile). Quit being immature and grow up.” – Stanky_Nuggz
“There was no set time limit, just kind of agreed that it would be a few weeks and talked about what she would be helping with, that didn’t happen, instead she spent the most important days with my baby instead of helping with literally anything” – wethergktl
Despite the questions about snapping, OP was judged to be not at fault here.
“NTA- boundaries only offend those who feel their wants are more important than your needs.”
“You only get the such a short time for the new baby bonding and getting to know each other stage and she’s monopolised it and made the situation about her infertility rather than you becoming a mother.”
“Being infertile does not mean a blanket exemption from being an a**hole. Her situation is incredibly sad and I do have sympathy for her but she needs to either step away if she can’t handle seeing you as a mother when she isn’t, or you both need to set out some clear boundaries around what the role of your babies aunt should look like versus what roles she is mentally comfortable with and able to take given her grief over being childless.” – Reecespie
“NTA – It’s your baby. Yea, help is great! But honestly the first few months with your baby are important for both you and the baby to bond! It’s your baby!”
“Your sister is kind of an a**hole but your mother is the biggest a**hole in this tale because her reasoning is absolutely sh**e” – RectorAequus
“NTA at all. It’s unfortunate that Annie is dealing with infertility (hey, same) but that doesn’t mean she’s entitled to take possession of your baby or anyone else’s.”
“You should be bonding with YOUR child right now; you’re her mother, you’re the only person she wants or needs. If Annie wanted to help, she’d be doing all the household chores that you can’t do while you recover from surgery and generally making life as easy as possible for you so you can spend allll the time with your newborn baby. But no. She wasn’t there to help, she was there to play mommy.”
“You’re an adult and a mother, and your mom doesn’t get to tell you you need to share with your sister like your baby is some sort of toy. Hell no.” – rosefurcoat
“NTA, your sister might want to have a baby, but this baby already has a mother. You did good and I recommend to set some strong boundaries in a future.” – bookworn_andraste
OP has not updated on how things are going with her family now, but we hope they understand her frustration. And if you’re going to offer to help someone who just had a baby, you’re not offering to monopolize the baby’s time.
Help should involve cleaning, cooking, and maybe even changing a diaper, to give the new parent time to bond.