Weddings are a blast.
Well, that is the intention.
Everyone is meant to have fun and rejoice.
Many of the best moments of the occasion are the speeches.
Loved ones getting up and regaling everyone with beautiful sentiments are a touching tribute to the happy couple.
But every once and a while, things can turn sour. And fast.
Case in point…
Redditor a_nannymous wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for standing up for myself on my wedding day?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I need some perspective on a situation that happened at my wedding last weekend.”
“It involves my husband’s sister Lisa (31 F[eamle]).”
“We have never been too close because she is ultra-Christian, and I’m an atheist.”
“But things were never too bad between us until my wedding night.”
“The ceremony went perfectly, but during the reception, my now sister-in-law kept making passive-aggressive comments to me about the wedding.”
“She was complaining about the food, the music, the venue, and the decorations, and it was really starting to get under my skin.”
“I tried to brush it off and focus on enjoying my special day.”
“I figured she was just in a foul mood since she was recently divorced, but she just wouldn’t stop.”
“I even asked my husband to talk to her about it, but he said it wasn’t a big deal and I was overreacting.”
“Then, during our first dance, Lisa came up and grabbed the microphone from the DJ and started giving a speech about how she and my husband used to be so close and how much she misses him.”
“And how much he changed since meeting me.”
“How lonely she is now.”
“She was laying it on thick like she was mourning my husband or something.”
“I have to admit, at this point, I saw red.”
“It was so inappropriate and disrespectful, and it felt like she was trying to make the wedding about her instead of us.”
“I confronted her after the speech and told her that she was being disrespectful and that she needed to stop it.”
“We got into a heated argument, and it was really uncomfortable for everyone around us.”
“Afterward, she stormed off, and we didn’t really see her again for the rest of the night.”
“After the wedding, my husband’s family was upset with me for causing drama and ruining the mood of the reception.”
“They think that I should have just let it go and not confronted Lisa about her behavior.”
“I feel like I was justified in standing up for myself and my husband on our special day.”
“The mood was already ruined by her awkward speech interrupting our first dance together.”
“My sister-in-law won’t talk to me, and my mother-in-law has been repeatedly calling me and demanding I apologize.”
“My husband has not really been helpful either.”
“He hates any kind of conflict, especially with his mother.”
“My own family is on my side.”
“Should I have just let it go and not said anything?”
“So, am I the a**hole for causing drama with my sister-in-law at my wedding?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, but your confrontation-averse husband, enabling in-laws, and bizarre S[ister] I[n] L[aw] are the real a**holes here.”
“She sounds unhinged; if I’d been a friend of hers, I would have been helping her set down the microphone and take her somewhere to cool off.”
“And no, when someone is basically saying that your marrying her brother is destroying their relationship, that person doesn’t need accommodating– that person needs therapy.” ~ wintersweetpea465
“NTA of course.”
“I actually think the framing should be different.”
“While I think it’s very important for spouses to stick up for their partners, I think what would be more effective in this situation is the husband sticking up for himself.”
“If he went and talked about how his sister ruined his wedding and his special day with his partner rather than framing it around his wife, considering the nature of the SILs rant revolving around her not having a good relationship with him, that might work, a kind of ‘You complained about us not being close, well you ruined my wedding, why would I want to be close with someone who does that?'”
“Maybe I’m talking out of my a**, but it could work.” ~ subtlesocialist
“It could work if the husband was a decent enough guy to stand up for himself and his new wife.”
“But he never even tried during the wedding, so why would he do anything now.”
“OP, NTA, you don’t have an in-laws problem yet.”
“You have a husband problem.”
“Your husband needs to set boundaries with his family for them to disregard in order for you to have an in-law problem, and he doesn’t seem willing to do that.”
“You and he need to sit down and decide if this relationship is worth fighting for.”
“And find out if he is willing to fight for it; if not, get the annulment because you will waste all your energy fighting for a relationship that the other half can’t be bothered protecting alongside of you.” ~ Environmental_Art591
“That’s her problem.”
“SHE is the one who made a scene.”
“Her family should have been the ones who took away the mic and sent her home.”
“Your husband is a coward who should have defended you, not made excuses and minimized your feelings.”
“This is a crap start to a marriage, and he needs to take some responsibility.”
“I suggest marriage counseling right away- he needs to get his priorities straight now.”
“Please be diligent about birth control and don’t have kids until he puts the family he has created with you ahead of the family he was born into. NTA.” ~ EconomyVoice7358
“I don’t feel too bad for her.”
“Lots of people have a bad time with their divorces, especially in the early stages.”
“What they don’t do is destroy loved one’s wedding days, and if they are truly too troubled to handle it, they stay home and send their well wishes with a card and gift to the happy couple.” ~ RainerHex
“OP, I know we Redditors can be a bit extreme sometimes, but I strongly recommend staying with family until your husband rectifies this.”
“First, problems like this involving relationships with family members are always extremely difficult to meaningfully solve.”
“Second, you have likely put up with this behavior for quite some time, and this has normalized it and reinforced it for your husband.”
“For him, not standing up for you leads to getting you to marry him.”
“For him, allowing his family to walk all over you has positive consequences.”
“Third, oftentimes once a couple is married, one or both partners may relax a bit as they see it as that they already got you and now marriage is forever and they don’t have to do the work to keep you.”
“If he is highly religious, he likely holds these beliefs as well.”
“Consequently, it may be really difficult to get your hubby actually to change his behavior.”
“I would make it so that he doesn’t get you until he does.”
“That he HAS to actually stand up for you, and set boundaries with his family BEFORE he gets to enjoy any time or space with you again.” ~ holliday_doc_1995
“When a family dynamic is like this for long enough, the person pointing out the rocking of the boat is blamed for the rocking of the boat.”
“When in reality, you are now on their weird little boat with them, and this woman, who has been messing with the boat for decades, is upset that you won’t play ball.”
“The family’s way of dealing with the rocking is pretending that it isn’t happening.”
“So by you pointing it out, they get a target that doesn’t have decades of experience in keeping them quiet.”
“My guess is that your husband is genuinely upset that you spoke up because he’s been conditioned to think that that is wrong… instead of her upsetting and unsettling behavior.”
“Which, by the way, should be examined for conditions like narcissism, if you ask me.”
“He’s in deep.”
“He’ll need a therapist to shake this mentality. Doing it on your own can take a lot of years. Personal experience talking here.” ~ TheGrimDweeber
“Listen, when someone says you should have ‘let it go’ just to keep the peace, you need to listen to them very closely. Why?”
“Because they’ve just told you flat-out that you rank the lowest on their totem pole.”
“Keeping the peace always means one person is unhappy/uncomfortable so that everyone else doesn’t have to be unhappy/uncomfortable.”
“Your in-laws, and yes, even your now husband, have all told you that YOU are the person they nominate for that position.”
“They want YOU to be uncomfortable, so they don’t have to be.”
“They care less about YOUR feelings than they do about anyone else’s, and less about YOUR comfort than about what everyone else will think.”
“What right do they have to complain to the BRIDE about ‘ruining the mood of the reception?'”
“It was YOUR WEDDING.”
“If you wanted a somber reception with old Baptist hymns for music or a Wednesday Addams-style first dance, or to have a ceremonial eating of two pigeons instead of a wedding cake – then that’s your prerogative.”
“Guests do not get to complain about how it didn’t make THEM happy.”
“The fact your in-laws are worried about how your reaction made them look, rather than about how inappropriate your SIL was, is inexcusable.”
“OP, this is a big deal and something you need to address with your husband NOW before it goes further.” ~ irowells1892
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Having your first dance interrupted with a mean-spirited speech would drive anyone crazy.
Sounds like you spoke your truth.
It may be time for some family counseling.
Good luck and best wishes.