Making the guest list for a wedding can be fraught with pitfalls—and expenses.
But if you keep the event small—restricted to just family and your closest friends—there’ll be no drama.
Right?
Well…
A soon-to-be bride turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after her sister wants a short notice plus 3 for the wedding.
Mindless-Island-8929 asked:
“AITA for not inviting my sister’s fiancé and his kids to our wedding?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My fiancé (male, 27) and I (female, 27) are planning a small wedding for April. We only invited immediate family and close friends, so we could afford to pay for the wedding ourselves.”
“We also said that guests can only bring a plus-one if they’ve been dating for at least a year because we can’t afford to pay for someone they barely know.”
“Here’s the issue.”
“My sister is 25 and started dating Jon in November. He’s a 43-year-old pilot and has two teenagers. Three weeks ago, they announced they were engaged.”
“I saw them for the first time at Christmas dinner, then at my parents’ place two more times after. Well, the teens were on their phones, not talking or replying to anyone
“Honestly, can you blame them? At their dad’s fiancé’s parents’s house! They barely know my sister. Why on earth would they wanna talk to us?”
“I don’t blame them! Their dad got a new girlfriend closer to their age than his.
“They are delusional! Those teens have every right to hate my sister or our family.”
“My fiancé talked to my sister’s fiancé. He is a pilot and got divorced 2 years ago.”
“I’ve tried talking to her a few times about how he’s too old for her and how she’s way too young to be a stepmom to two teens, but she told me to mind my own business and that she loves him.”
“For our wedding, I only invited my sister. She called and asked why Jon and his kids weren’t invited.”
“I told her it’s because I barely know them, and they haven’t even been dating for a year. If I was only dating my fiancé for a few months, I wouldn’t be expecting him to be included in any family events.”
“I wouldn’t be even introducing him to my parents that early, let alone get engaged!”
“She said Jon is family now and his kids will be my niece and nephews, so it’s different. My fiancé’s brother is not bringing his girlfriend of 6 months. He didn’t even argue.”
“I told her I can’t afford to pay for three extra guests who are basically strangers to us. Now she’s mad and says she won’t come either.”
“My parents get where I’m coming from but also want my sister at the wedding. My dad even offered to cover the cost of Jon and the kids.”
“But the thing is, I just don’t want them there. I feel uncomfortable inviting people I don’t know to my wedding.”
“Am I being a stubborn a**hole?”
“We only have 24 guests in total. She wants to add three strangers to it now.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I made the rule of a minimum of one year of dating for an invite with a plus one. My sister and her fiancé only know each other for a few months, so I didn’t invite him and his kids.”
“My sister thinks I should make an exception since they are family. Am I an a**hole for sticking to my rule?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA—all the other objections aside, you don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want to your wedding there. You and your fiancé are paying for everything yourself and keeping it small and intimate.”
“Although it is very generous of your father to offer to pay for your sister’s new boyfriend and kids to come, it means nothing if you don’t want them there.”
“Your sister also fails to realize that invitations are not court summons—she does not have to be there.”
“Eventually, your sister will (hopefully) get her head out of her a** and discover for herself what a mistake she is making. Until then, stand your ground and keep your wedding the way that you want it.” ~ toosheeptheorist
“NTA. With a guest list so small, you no doubt had to make tough cuts on who could be invited. I’m also assuming a small guest list means most invitees know each other or are people who could get along well with each other.”
“Adding three people you barely know to that mix doesn’t make any sense.” ~ islandstateofmind21
“For real. I couldn’t even throw my grandpa a birthday party with a 24-person guest list. Like, that would not even cover his direct descendants.”
That is a small party, and three extra people (who are also probably the source of some major family gossip based on the circumstances) will stand out like a sore thumb.” ~ beckdawg19
“There’s a real chance their attendance would completely monopolize the wedding. The focus would easily shift from celebrating OP’s marriage to being a ‘get to know sister’s new family’ event. NTA.” ~ redkitty_cooks
“NTA. Why do I feel that sister deliberately got engaged so fast in an attempt to make OP invite her new boyfriend? And the new guy went along because, why wouldn’t he marry someone young and dumb enough to think she can be a stepmum to teens.”
“OP, might I suggest making a list of family who weren’t invited that you would invite before sister’s new man and tell dad that if he wants sister there, he has to pay for them as well as sister’s new family.”
“Might make dad back off at least.” ~ Environmental_Art591
“NTA. Even without your ‘judgement’ about Jon, you and your fiancé set the rules for ALL the guests’ plus-ones to be dating for at least a year. So it’s not a personal attack against Jon.”
“Do Jon & his kids even want to come to the wedding? Or is your sister just trying to force you to accept her ‘fiancé’?” ~ Frankensteins_Kid
“I can understand inviting the fiancé, but why his kids? Like you said, I doubt 2 teenagers want to go to a stranger’s wedding anyway.” ~ PrimeLime47
“As the mom of 2 teenagers, this is exactly what I was thinking! This is the kind of event my kids would beg NOT to have to attend.” ~ Professional-Sign510
“Unless the teens want to go to try sabotage the new ‘stepmom’. Which most teens would definitely do. Most teens are not alright with getting a stepparent that isn’t much older than they are.” ~ kinkynicole000
“I’m genuinely concerned for your sister. She’s dated him for 3 months‽‽ The ketchup in my fridge is older than that.”
“Does your sister know about the term ‘love-bombing’ or that literally every episode of Snapped starts by saying it was a ‘whirlwind romance’?”
“If your sister does not understand the financial aspect, nor the idea that a 24-person wedding should not contain three strangers, then she doesn’t sound mature enough for marriage. NTA.” ~ Jaded_Tourist2057
“NTA. Hopefully your sister will be mortified at her own behavior in a few years if she ever grows up.”
“Your parents want your sister at the wedding? Tell them to talk some sense into her and have her come without the entourage.”
“Your point is completely valid, if fiancé and kids come, the wedding is no longer about you and your husband. It’s ‘Meet this new bunch of people!’.” ~ Ok-Position7403
“NTA. You are absolutely NOT obligated to invite a guy your sister has been dating for 4 months to your wedding. Much less give her a ~plus 3~ for 3 strangers.”
“But given your concern over the situation your sister is getting herself into, you might consider a compromise. Invite only the fiancé, and let your Dad pay for him.”
“Because if you think this guy is bad news, letting him isolate her from her family is a bad idea. But letting him come to the wedding gives your entire family a chance to get a good look at who he is, and derail that.”
“Then point out to your sister that Jon’s kids are teenagers and attending a command performance for Dad’s new girlfriend’s family isn’t going to be something most teenagers want to do.”
“Jon might be telling her that ~they want to~, or that forcing everyone to ~be instant family~ is what’s best. But she has a chance to show her future stepkids that she can compromise too and let them skip this while she and Jon get a date night and a chance for him to get to know your family.”
“But whatever you decide, it’s your wedding, and it’s your choice. Not hers.” ~ KrofftSurvivor
The OP provided a brief update.
“My mom informed me that my sister is pregnant. Apparently, she found out 2 weeks ago, but only yesterday told my mom.”
“To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. I know it’s her life, but I feel so sad for her.
“I decided to invite her, her soon-to-be husband, and his two teens. There are bigger issues in our family now than my guest list.”
“She already has started calling the teens her kids, and it’s really weird. She started dating in November.”
“Then their dad and my sister decided to add a new sibling immediately.”
“I’m pretty sure they don’t want to come to a wedding of someone they don’t know. My sister is probably forcing them to.
“Stop calling them your kids and forcing them to join family events. Let the poor teens decide.”
“Why am I inviting everyone?”
“Because I’m trying to reach a deal with my train wreck of a sister! Bring your crew—in return, no pregnancy announcement at my wedding (or any other stunt).”
This small, simple wedding got very complicated very quickly.
Hopefully, the OP’s big day is a good one with no additional drama from her sister.