Money. It can really stir up a whole mess of drama.
For generations, everyone has been told to stay silent about earnings and wealth.
It’s almost been taboo to discuss finances in good company.
But all that seems to be changing, thankfully.
Case in point…
Redditor colette195 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling relatives how much I make and defending my salary?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Over the weekend, I (23 F[emale]) went to dinner with some of my dad’s relatives who I don’t see very often.”
“My dad has never gotten along with my uncle (his brother) and I haven’t either.”
“He’s rude, condescending, and we don’t agree with him on a lot of things.”
“Normally I just try to ignore him.”
“However, at dinner, my uncle asked me about the car I had shown up in and my new job.
“I started my job a little over a year ago after graduating college and I worked hard for it.”
“I make a lot of money and I’m proud of that. (Software engineer).”
“I recently bought myself the dream car I’ve always wanted.”
“Uncle asked ‘How much are they paying you anyway?’ in a condescending tone, and I just point blank told him how much I make.”
“I guess I was supposed to laugh and say something like ‘Oh, enough’ but I told him the number.”
“He started going off on a rant about how no 23-year-old should make that much money and how stupid my company is for paying me that much.”
“I got pissed and said ‘I deserve every penny I make. I work hard and most people can’t do what I do.'”
“Well, I guess this really made my uncle angry, because after dinner I received a text from my cousin saying I had been really rude at dinner and insulted my uncle’s intelligence.”
“My dad sided with me (since he hates my uncle anyway) but my sister agreed with my cousin and said I shouldn’t have said how much money I make… or talked to my uncle the way I did because it was impolite.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. He asked a question. You answered.”
“He insulted you, and you defended yourself.”
“Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it is my motto.”
“If he got his ego bruised by your salary then his entire worth lies with his paycheck that came from the job.”
“A lot of people can study to become pilots, but only a handful can code.” ~ NaryaGenesis
“‘Ask a stupid question, get a correct answer’ shouldn’t be offensive.”
“He’s probably upset because she makes more than he does. NTA.” ~ Thriftyverse
“If we’re talking mottos I’m going to go with ‘hoist by his own petard.'”
“Uncle deserves what he got: he asked, she answered. NTA.” ~ PoppySiddal
“Don’t ask people how much they make if you cannot handle knowing how much money they make.”
“This is especially true with coworkers.”
“I’m not against being open about salaries in the workplace, but you better damn well be able to handle it.” ~ ImissDigg_jk
“NTA… typical boomer bulls**t.”
“You work hard and have skills that companies are willing to pay that much for.”
“Good for you.”
“It’s not like you were rubbing it in his face either, HE was pushing the topic.”
“This just reeks of jealousy, pettiness, and insecurities (of your uncle).”
“He was being rude, not you.” ~ nicolasbaege
“NTA, he’s just jealous of how late in life he got the same salary if he ever has.”
“This whole ‘it’s rude to talk about your salary’ crap is just a way for companies to underpay some people in a department in my opinion.”
“If everyone knows what the people around them are paid for the same job and experience, they’d have to be paid equal.” ~ OrganicChemistrees
“I’m sooo happy OP told him off.”
“He insulted OP after he asked in such a derisive tone how much she makes.”
“It’s like why even ask if you’re gonna make a nasty comment about it?”
“Anyway, I hope OP or her father told her uncle how he needs to change his behavior because this is crazy disrespectful.”
“Otherwise congrats to you on your success OP!”
“Don’t let anyone put you down for your hard work!” ~ StreetSeaweed2
“He might be biased against your uncle but he has a good reason.”
“You were completely justified in that whole interaction.”
“I also don’t like that whole be polite to family because they are family crap.”
“Sometimes they need to be stood up to.”
“NTA. And good for you.”
“Just don’t let the petty jerks get you down.” ~ roachsgirl
“I have an uncle like yours lol.”
“He loves to brag about my cousins, who both have financial degrees.”
“I work in tech, similar to you.”
“I make nearly twice what my cousins do.”
“But I never say anything.”
“I also chose to buy a car well below my budget so I can go on vacation, enjoy things, go out to eat.”
“My one cousin bought a Camero.”
“My uncle was like one time ‘maybe someday you’ll be able to afford a nice car like that, just work hard and you’ll get there.'”
“I’m always just like yeah you’re right buddy, thanks.”
“Just build your empire and ignore it.” ~ Coyote__Jones
“It’s rude to talk about your salary, yeah.”
“Part of it is definitely for the benefit of management, making sure there’s a taboo against employees talking to each other and figuring out who’s being f**ked over.”
“Because they don’t know how much they could get from a negotiation.”
“But a big part of it is, also, friends and relatives not holding their respective incomes over each other’s heads, or opening yourself up to being guilted into ‘helping,’ and on and on.”
“Salary talk opens up a huge can of worms and the polite thing is usually to just keep it to yourself.”
“But the flip side is that it’s ruder to flat-out ask someone about their salary.”
“And if someone does open that door, they have zero grounds to get pissy about what they find inside.”
“You’re absolutely NTA here.” ~ insomniac7809
“Not boomer crap.”
“I’m a boomer and I fully support OPs response.”
“Your pay is directly related to your skill set and how hard you are to replace.”
“It has nothing to do with age.”
“Uncle asked a question then retaliated because he didn’t like the answer.”
“I’ve seen that behavior in all age groups.”
“As an engineer I would recommend not disclosing your salary.”
“People don’t understand what you do and then think it’s ‘unfair’ that you get paid that even though most people can’t do the job.”
“It never ends well. NTA.” ~ LadyLightTravel
“You’re NTA, but as a high-earning young female I have not told my family my salary.”
“Yes I work hard for it, but plenty of people in other industries do more than I do for less.”
“In my opinion, it’s just not worth the drama that it would cause.” ~ alittleberdie
“NTA. You work for that salary.”
“You were hired for a reason because you were the best candidate for the position.”
“And for that reason, they are paying you a healthy salary.”
“Good for you OP!”
“I’m in the same occupation field.”
“Certain positions pay well because it’s a demanding job.”
“He’s just mad because he doesn’t make that much.”
“You do you!” ~ teds_trip22
“Hey OP, you’re my age!”
“So, I don’t know how long you’ve been working but if you believe they’re paying you a good salary then keep on owing it, just like you did.”
“You must be a brilliant person and hella skilled and your organization hopefully also sees all the potential you hold.”
“Proud of you girl.”
“Also, ignore the boomers.”
“I’m a brown girl and I also make decent money for my age.”
“Could it be more? Yes. Are we complaining during a pandemic? No.”
“And my uncle (all these uncles suck, I tell you) also says the same.”
“That I don’t need to make so much money and that it’ll all go to my husband after I’m married.”
“Anyway, my point is, you’re an amazing person and you gotta keep it up with your amazing job.”
“There’s only one way for you and that’s up. All the best, OP!”
“ETA: forgot to add NTA in all of my excitement so NTA NTA NTA NTA.” ~ ughrheawhy
OP returned with some deets…
“Wow, I didn’t expect this to blow up!”
“Thanks for the responses, everyone.”
“I asked here because only my dad seemed to think what I said was okay.”
“And he’s not exactly an unbiased party since as mentioned, he can’t stand my uncle.”
“I have always heard it’s rude to talk about your salary too, which is why I wondered if what I said was crossing a line.”
“But now that I’ve read in multiple comments it’s actually a tactic that employers use to keep employees in the dark.”
“I don’t feel bad about saying the number.”
“And I don’t feel bad about defending myself either!”
“I feel justified in how I reacted now.”
“For more info on my uncle – he’s a retired airline pilot.”
“So I don’t think he’s even jealous/bitter about how much I make, he’s just a jerk.”
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
You earn your keep.
Enjoy your car and your position.