A child is a commitment forever.
For many, so is a tattoo.
While there are ways, albeit painful, to remove tattoos, they are a typically permanent way to commemorate something.
Reddit user 937291028 used this art form to honor their firstborn child.
But when it came time for their second child’s birth, the Original Poster (OP) had a change of heart.
This attitude shift caused an argument between the OP and their wife. Naturally, this inspired the OP to seek out the subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
They asked:
“AITA for only tattooing one of my children’s name?”
Was the OP actually favoring one of their children?
“I had my first child when I was young, and I was devastated when I had to leave her with my parents to go to college.”
“I tattooed her name and a picture that reminded me of her on my chest.”
Life for Redditor 937291028 changed when a new relationship emerged.
“I got married to my wife about 3 years ago, and we have a 1-year-old son together. She asked me when I’m going to tattoo his name?”
“I told her I’m not planning to do so. I was very young when I got my first and only tattoo, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience and I don’t really like tattoos anymore.”
“She said our son is going to grow up and notice that I only have a tattoo for his sister, and he will know who my favorite child is.”
“I told her this is insane, and if she really wants a tattoo of our son’s name, then she should get one.”
“We got into a heated argument, and it ended with her calling me an a**hole.”
“Am I really the a**hole?”
Redditors on AITA weighed in by deeming the OP:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Ultimately they decided that the OP was NTA.
“NAH- valid question from wife, but all your points are valid too.”
“I think she needs to be understanding and acknowledge it. If she wants a tattoo of the son, go for it.”
“Also, I don’t think it needs to be an issue now, you might change your mind in 10 years and get a tattoo with his name. I don’t think it should be causing conflict this early in your son’s life.”
“Hope the argument settles, and all goes back to normal” – BaldBeardDad
“NAH. you get to decide what to do with your own body. However, your son will have a hard time understanding why you have a tattoo of his sister and not him.” – Mean_Macaroni59
“NAH”
“I get her point, this will look like favoritism to your son.”
“I get your point, and you shouldn’t get tattoos you don’t want.”
“If I were you I would probably add the son’s name, if only for his sake” – gcot802
Some people jumped to the Original Poster’s defense.
“My dad has six kids, only one tattoo with one of my sisters’ name on it. Not a single one of us cares or is affected by it.”
“We do tease him though because the one name is my horrible sister that we all hate and who treats him like sh*t all the time. He gets a lot of ‘glad you got HER name, eh Dad?’ jokes.”
“It’s your wife that’s being a jealous mama bear.”
“NTA” – Fangehulmesteren
“NTA, your explanation for not wanting one is good enough, and he will understand.”
“Your wife is acting jealous, stepmother. As you said, if she wants one, she should get it herself. It is your body and she needs to respect your choice.” – KatrinaVantasel
“You’re NTA.”
“Raising your son, being there in his life, spending time with him, making memories, etc. means way more than having his name written on your body.”
“As he grows up, he will know that. The tattoo proves nothing.” – Dittoheadforever
“NTA”
“And most of the comments here are appalling. You don’t fix something you did in the past that you are no longer comfortable with by . . . doing it again.”
“And you don’t teach your children to take their time before making lifelong decisions by doing that either.”
“And for everyone who’s echoing the wife’s nonsense about favoritism: do y’all just not TALK to your children? Communicate with them? Explain things with them or have ongoing, meaningful discourse with them?”
“OP got the tattoo for his daughter because he had to leave her and be away from her for a prolonged period of time when she was young, and he wanted something to remember her by during that time.”
“It had nothing to do with ‘loving her more’ than a sibling who didn’t even exist at the time.”
“And the circumstances of his life have now changed drastically, and all he needs to say to his son when he is old enough to ask, is ‘of course I love you just as much . . . which is why I am thankful every day that I won’t ever have to leave you the way I had to be away from your sister; I don’t need a reminder of you because I get to be HERE with you, and see you grow up, and be your dad every single day, and that is the best thing in the whole world.’”
”All he has to do is be honest: that the tattoo was NEVER about celebrating his daughter as some sort of favourite; it was just a coping mechanism in a difficult time.”
“Honestly, his wife is a huge AH for framing the tattoo as something it isn’t: he TOLD her what it was, that it was the equivalent of a coping mechanism/memento in a rough time, not just a cheesy ‘proud dad’ tattoo, and she’s choosing not to hear him so she can stir shit up.” – FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Some Redditors had mixed feelings.
“NAH: She’s right. Your son will want to know why you did a tattoo of his sister and not one of him.”
“Okay, after reading the comments I’m going with YTA. You won’t remove a tattoo because your daughter will be devastated, but you won’t get a tattoo if your son is hurt you don’t have one of him?”
“That’s a double standard.”
“It’s your body, and you can do whatever you want but don’t use your daughter as an excuse if you don’t want to remove her tattoo and then say you’re not into tattoos and it’s your body so you son will have to deal.” – debdnow
“NAH.”
“I was all ready to say YTA from the title, because that sort of favoritism sets up problems, but all the time in between does change things for me.”
“If you were to make the decision today, presumably, you wouldn’t get EITHER child’s name tattooed on your chest.”
“Young people do all sorts of things that they wouldn’t do as adults, and you shouldn’t be forced to make all the same mistakes again just to be ‘even’.”
“However, be careful how you talk to your wife about this. It’s a legitimate concern that your son will feel second-priority because you have a tattoo of your other child but not him.”
“This is not ’insane,’ and I would also generally expect someone who tattooed his first child onto his chest to do the same for his second child.”
“You’re edging into a**hole territory for treating this as a ridiculous concern out of nowhere, rather than a legit issue that (although you have agency over your own body) deserves some honest discussion and communication.”
“BTW, some of this is based on the assumption that ‘when I was young’ is a really long time ago.”
“I’m thinking like a decade or more. If we’re only talking about, say, 4 years between, and you’ve been married to your new wife for 3 of them, then YTA.”
“Can you clarify how long it has been since your first child and related tattoo?” – GalumphingWithGlee
The OP went on the clarify:
“My daughter is 12, and I got the tattoo a few months after she was born” – 937291028
Others feel as though the OP is to blame.
“I’m gonna have to go a bit against the grain here and say YTA.”
“I think this is the case because despite you having every right to not want to get another tattoo, you have to see the optics of it.”
“No matter what you can say, it will still have an air of favoritism around it.”
“Granted, your wife might not be the best person to approach the subject. I think that’s best done by your son when he gets old enough and understands the situation.”
“If he sees a problem with it, I would be prepared to get that next tattoo…”
“Saying it was painful and that you don’t want to do it because of that is a pretty weak cop-out….”
“[He] could respond to that ‘well it was painful back then too, why could you deal with it then but not now?’”
“[Or] ‘so you saw that your sacrifice to her was worth the pain, but how is your love towards me any different?’”
“Your desire to not have another tattoo doesn’t garner my judgment, but your mindset of not being open to getting one should your son want you to in later years, which he wouldn’t be wrong in asking for.”
“But your wife went a bit overboard too early, [albeit] with the best intentions.” – Horny-Hotrod_357
“From the post itself, I was gonna say N A H. But reading your comments, YTA.”
“You said yourself that all parents have favorites, you also say your daughter’s gonna be devastated if you remove her tattoo but don’t seem to care what your son will feel when he grows up, so I guess… we know who the favorite is.”
“And yes, that tattoo will be a very physical manifestation of the truth that you won’t be able to hide.” – slendernan
While Reddit has mixed feelings, hopefully, the OP’s children will not.