For all the joys becoming a parent brings, there are also few people more insecure than new parents.
As they constantly feel as if they’re being judged by others for any decision they might make about their child.
Then too, they also tend to notice how their child responds around them compared to others.
Sometimes leading to a fair share of irrational jealousy.
Redditor Not-Babystealer123 was recently enjoying a family dinner, at which her brother, sister-in-law (SIL) and baby niece were all present.
Seeing that her niece was going through a bit of an episode, the original poster (OP) offered to help and play with her.
Only to find herself at odds with her SIL for doing so.
Wondering if she did anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for taking the attention/“love” of my SILS baby?”
The OP explained how her playing with her niece ended up causing drama within her family:
“I (17 F[emale]) have a brother (31 M[ale]) who is married (32 F[emale]).
“They have a daughter, my niece, who is two.”
“Lately, my SIL has expressed to my brother and me that she feels really disconnected from my niece, saying she doesn’t like to be hugged, talked to, or even looked at by SIL.”
“I had a family dinner last night, where my niece was having a particularly big tantrum, but everyone was sort of ignoring it, trying to get their food and sit down.”
“I saw SIL looked really overwhelmed, so I offered to play with and calm down my niece.”
“She immediately just nodded and went to get food.”
“I was more than happy to help.”
“I managed to calm her down fairly quickly, and I saw SIL watching.”
“This is where I might be TA.”
“I said to niece, ‘Look! It’s mommy, isn’t she so pretty?'”
“‘Do you like playing with mommy too?’”
“My niece shook her head at this.”
“SIL looked really upset by this, so I went into fix-it mode.”
“I said ‘why? Isn’t mommy fun? I bet you and mommy have lots of fun, (nieces name)!’”
“To this she kept shaking her head and was now irritated again, so I dropped the conversation and went back to calming her down.”
“Like half an hour later, she sort of knocked herself out on the couch after I gave her some food, and I finally got around to getting some food and sitting down.”
“SIL seemed kinda upset, so I told her not to worry, and obviously niece doesn’t mean it.”
“To this she sort of got angry and told me I was taking the love that her daughter should have for her by playing with her, and I was rubbing it in her face when I asked, ‘Isn’t mommy fun?'”
“I told her this was not my intention at all, and I was so sorry, and I just wanted to help, but she still kept going off on me, so I sort of just let her talk, and I shut myself up.”
“My dad walked in and heard and told SIL to chill out for a second, which pissed my brother off, and then everyone just started fighting.”
“I took this as my sign to just go upstairs, and I told SIL we could pick up the convo another time because no matter the situatio,n I don’t communicate through yelling at people, but I match energy, so if she’s going to continue yelling and screaming it’s best I just leave for right now.”
“She just agreed and said I should ‘f*ck off upstairs’.”
“So I did exactly that.”
“I have not spoken to her or brother since then and am wondering if maybe I should reach out and apologize or how I should go about this, so I wanna know opinions on if I’m sort of more leaning in the wrong or not.”
“To clarify, my saying ‘isn’t mommy fun’ was more like a rhetorical question where I more stated it to her than asked her.”
“Sorry if that was confusing.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for playing with her niece.
Everyone agreed that not only did the OP do nothing wrong, but found the behavior of her SIL shockingly immature, with everyone urging the OP not to apologize to her SIL, as she was the one who was owed an apology:
“NTA.”
“You have done nothing wrong.”
“Children this age have favorites.”
“My niece at age 2 wanted nearly nothing to do with her mum and only wanted dad.”
“Not long later, mum could do no wrong, and dad was out of the picture.”
“It’s just how they develop.”
“It can definitely be tough for the parents, and I’m sure your SIL isn’t loving it, if she’s the one currently out of favor.”
“That said, she is the adult and the parent, and she needs to learn to manage her emotions.”
“Her taking her frustration out on you isn’t fair at all imo.”
“She owes you an apology, not the other way round.”
“It’s a tough learning curve but she’s got a lifetime ahead of being both the kid’s favorite person ever and enemy number 1 with little in between.”- sparkypants_
“Do. Not. Apologize.”
“Young children are often like this.”
“They sometimes prefer other family members short-term as their own parents need to balance fun with discipline, and they spend almost every day, all day, with them at this age.”
“Your SiL will get frustrated at things and your niece will see that.”
“You, on the other hand, tend not to get frustrated as you don’t spend the same amount of time with your niece or have to do all the mundane things.”
“NTA here.”
“Though your SiL probably is overwhelmed and realizing that parenthood is no picnic and not the same as looking after a toddler for a short amount of time.”
“She may even still be suffering a bit of PPD as that can linger for years.”
“However, that’s not your problem and that is also no excuse for her outburst towards you when you were trying to help.”
“She owes you an apology.”
“Keep being your happy bubbly fun aunt self when you spend time with your niece but, for your own sanity and your niece’s, maybe don’t mention mommy at all.”- Uubilicious_The_Wise
“NTA, you’re 17 and calmed the kid down.”
“Two year olds are notoriously difficult.”
“You kind of made a mistake but I attribute it to inexperience.”
“Going forward, don’t give the choice of an answer that no one wants to hear.”
“If you give a two-year old an opportunity to say ‘no’, they will say no.”
“Better to give a choice between two positive outcomes.”
“‘Do you want to sit next to me, or Grandma?'”- sbinjax
“NTA.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“Mum is feeling overwhelmed and emotional.”
“I’m not defending her actions, because she was out of line, but she was obviously struggling with the situation.”
“I’d like to compliment you on your maturity.”
“Your approach and responses are very impressive for someone your age.”- AppleOfEve_
“NTA, you‘re a teenager who tried to help, the other adults ignored the situation and then your sister behaved like a bratty teenager.”
“Do not apologize.”
“I get it’s frustrating when toddlers decide someone else is currently better than their parent but it’s a very normal thing to happen.”
“Your SIL is 32 and needs to learn how to regulate her emotions towards innocent and well-meaning teenagers.”
“I really hope your dad threw SIL and brother out after this with a very clear message.”
“They owe you an apology, not the other way round.”- RiverSong_777
“If your SIL has been going through PND, then she probably isn’t a lot of fun from a 2-year-old’s perspective.”
“As a grown adult, it is up to her to reflect on the response of her small child.”
“Her child is speaking to her, but rather than listen, it’s easier to blame you than do some essential self reflection.”
“I would stay away for now, hope your SIL and brother are capable of self reflection.”
“Perhaps, also speak to your parents and ask for their help.”
“SIL’s behavior towards you was unacceptable.”
“As a parent, I would not tolerate a rant like thar against my young adult.”
“NTA.”- IrokoFineArt
“NTA.”
“As a mum I was feeling for your SIL until she told you to ‘f*ck off upstairs’ when you were calmly communicating.”
“I get that she’s hurt, and as someone who has had PND I totally get how hard it is to feel rejected or not wanted by your child…BUT – to have a 2 year old, be 30 years old yourself, and not understand that 2 year olds just do not (also: cannot – yet) really give a shit about your feelings, is wild.”
“Case in point: My 3 year old adores me, but I have never felt more bullied in my life than I do by her sometimes.”
“She will tell me she loves me and then 30 seconds later be like ‘damn, why your tummy so big?'”
“When I’ve just lost 20kg and am the smallest I’ve ever been.”- prison_industrial_co
It’s confusing to the point of sad that the OP’s SIL felt that her willingness to try and make her niece happy could possibly be construed as “stealing her love”.
Perhaps the fact that they haven’t spoken is due to the OP’s SIL’s embarrassment.
Sadly, it’s more likely that it’s due to her shocking immaturity.